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I thought that we had a great relationship, we hadn't been…

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I thought that we had...
I thought that we had a great relationship, we hadn't been intimate for awhile as he was working long hours & tired, I tried many times to have sex, but he kept turning me away. After a year or so I asked him did he not love/care for me anymore, which he said of course. I then queried why he wasn't missing having sex as we used to, he again said because he was tired & no insult to me personally - I understood that, because we were very much in love (?) & I'm a patient person. Well one day I was cleaning, & to my horror found(unfortunately) two boxes of condoms, 1 open & many packets ripped open - plus they were the extra ribbed pleasure type extra lubricated & a bottle of pleasure jell 100ml that was empty (reading for vaginal/anal use) - I was shocked !! We hadn't even used a condom in 20yrs marriage - plus he said off hand years ago he never used one & couldn't bare the thought of having one on. I confronted him & after thinking he was having an affair, he said to me he was using it on himself !! I was soo hurt, but to go to that trouble couldn't imagine it. I a few years ago actually wanted to use some lady jell, to make intimacy easier on me, but he said he couldn't stand the thought of the feel of it. So what is going on, is he using this on himself or do you think he is having a affair ? why the complete change, what do you think
Submitted: 5 months ago.Category: Relationship
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Answered in 22 hours by:
11/26/2017
Counselor: TherapistJen, LCSW, CPC replied 5 months ago
TherapistJen
TherapistJen, LCSW, CPC
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 3,787
Experience: Licensed Clinical Social Worker
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I am sorry to hear of this pain. It would seem unlikely that he would be using condoms and gel for himself. I hear the lack of intimacy and yes while a long term marriage can suffer from some lack of intimacy, finding condoms and gel that have been used could indicate that he has been with someone else. He has denied it, but I would go to him letting him know how much you care and love him and that you desire to work on things if he has strayed and looked toward another person. Hopefully he can be open with his feelings and you can come to a place where you can both talk openly about it all and heal and come together and repair and rebuild.

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Counselor: TherapistJen, LCSW, CPC replied 5 months ago
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