Relationship

Have Relationship Questions? Ask a Counselor for Answers ASAP

Ask an Expert,
Get an Answer ASAP!

This answer was rated:

I would like to see if my ex boyfriend still loves me. I…

I would like to...

I would like to see if my ex boyfriend still loves me. I know that we still care for each other, but he says that he wants to be friends and that too much trust has been damaged in the relationship long term

Expert's Assistant: The Psychologist will know what to do. Is there anything else the Psychologist should be aware of?

I suffer from depression and have lashed out at my ex when we were together

Show More
Show Less
Ask Your Own Relationship Question
Answered in 5 hours by:
11/23/2017
John-Michaels
John-Michaels, Counselor (LPC)
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 954
Experience: 25+ years helping resolve relational issues.
Verified
Can you tell me what led him to say that your trust has been damaged?
Ask Your Own Relationship Question
Customer reply replied 8 months ago
On holiday the beginning of October we had a couple of arguments and I regrettably did get physical and shoved him a few times. When we got back I could tell that things were tense between us... then after that I did become rather depressed and hated myself for what I did. At one point the end of October I got hysterical because he said he couldn’t do it anymore.In regards ***** ***** helping me when I feel low I do find it hard to communicate and say how I’m feeling.... and if he said something I didn’t like then I would get angry and throw things across the room. I understand that these actions are not acceptable, I do lash out and say hurtful things, I don’t want to blame it all on depression, but when I’m in that moment I become totally irrational and I become a different person, once I have calmed down I feel worse because of my actions.I would like to try relaxation and communication techniques to calm me down when I get angry. Although I worry that it’s to late to try this with my ex because I’ve pushed him away and damaged his trust too much.When we were together my boyfriend suggested I do CBT, as he went through it prior about 5years ago. I am on the waiting list for an appointment, I have also seen my GP and was prescribed a low form of anti depressants (I have been taking them for about 3-4weeks now).Of course I would like to slowly build the trust again with him, not just for myself but to show him that I’m serious about changing and mean what I say, I’m worried he has heard “sorry” too many times, and I would like to show him how much he really means to me. I am on day 2 of no contact, I did message him a few times before I started no contact asking to talk, but I now know that I should respect his wishes and leave him for a while and give him the space that he deserves (which I never did in the past). I would like him to know that I am here to talk when he’s ready, I’m just confused as he said on Sunday that he thinks too much trust has been damaged and he would like to stay friends... I’m not sure if he said that because he was still angry or if he really meant it....I would like to hopefully speak to him once things have calmed down, I don’t want to force him or manipulate him into feeling bad so he will want to start again, I would like to take baby steps and see if we can rebuild the trust and move forward from this difficult time.I know that we still care for each other and I would like to show him that I can move forward and rebuild the trust, if he’s willing to do so
It sounds like you are heading the right direction. Waiting a couple weeks before you contact him seems like a good idea. I would have a definite step by step plan that I have already begun that could lay out for him. Counseling is a good idea. I am sorry you have been put on a waiting list. I would probably try to find another therapist. I am going to give you a couple three techniques that might help.
Ask Your Own Relationship Question
This is a technique to use in the moment:ANGER•Retreat - don’t necessarily leave the room but take a mental break.•Rethink - we often get angry because of faulty thinking. You likely did when you discovered your wife had been drinking alone with your in law. Take this short time to correct that faulty thinking.•Respond, do not React - When we react, we do what we feel like in the moment. When we respond we think in through before we act
Ask Your Own Relationship Question
Customer reply replied 8 months ago
Do you think it would be worth reaching out in a couple of weeks? I am scared he has heard all of this before and also he may be angry if I chose to use the no contact rule for a couple of weeks
Another thought is you might need to clean you reservoir. I tell my clients we all have a reservoir in which we store all our negative emotions. In here, we store all our negative emotions that we have no processed. This includes anger, sadness, and fear. Over time, if we do not process and release some of these negative emotions, our reservoir becomes full and we run out of room for new negative emotions. This cause anger outbursts, uncobtrolled sadness, and anxiety attacks, because of they have to be acted on, because there is no room to store them. We need to process our old negative emotions to make room for the new.
Ask Your Own Relationship Question
You know how long better than me. Use your best judgment on how long. You need to be careful not to contact him too soon and be pushy nor wait too long and him misread you as not interested. Does that make sense?
Ask Your Own Relationship Question
Another technique to try is a breathing exercise. In a nutshell , you breath in slowly for about 5 secs, hold it it for the same, then out for five seconds. Do this while sitting up straight with hands in lap. Repeat this a few times.
Ask Your Own Relationship Question
Customer reply replied 8 months ago
It does make sense, I would like to give him time and space (which I never gave before.)he really deserves that
Makes sense to me. Also, make sure he sees progress when you contact him.
Ask Your Own Relationship Question
If I have been a help, would you do me a favor? Would you give me a five star rating so I can get paid?
Ask Your Own Relationship Question
Customer reply replied 8 months ago
Do you know how I would show him progress if the no contact rule is in pace?
Well one, by honoring the contact rule, you show some progress. Two, try the techniques I mentioned between now and then. You will probably have reason. If not, just memorize them and tell him. He will see the difference I think. Oh yeah, don’t sit around and wait on a therapist to find time for you. Find someone that can get you in between now and then.
John-Michaels
John-Michaels, Counselor (LPC)
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 954
Experience: 25+ years helping resolve relational issues.
Verified
John-Michaels and 87 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Ask your own question now
Customer reply replied 8 months ago
How would I bring across the points without emotionally targeting him? I would like to show that I am serious about changing and building up the trust again. He is a very strong minded person
When it comes down to it, all you can do is what you can do. I honestly if you practice these between now and then, he will recognize the change without prompting. Other than that, he is going to have to take your word for that. The only way he is ever going to know for certain is for him to give you a chance.
Ask Your Own Relationship Question
Customer reply replied 8 months ago
I’ve alreasy been given 3-4 chances, I’m devastated it may be too lat
Customer reply replied 8 months ago
Too late*
I’m sorry to hear that. We never know until we try though. If you try and fail, you have still learned a lesson. Then, He may be willing to give it another try
Ask Your Own Relationship Question
Customer reply replied 7 months ago
I’m really nervous about CBT tomorrow, please help!
Have you been to CBT before?
Ask Your Own Relationship Question
Customer reply replied 7 months ago
No never. I'm worried that it won't work for me
This answer is protected
Would you like to ask this question?
If you've already paid for this answer, simply Login.
Was this answer helpful?

How JustAnswer works

step-image
Describe your issueThe assistant will guide you
step-image
Chat 1:1 with a counselorLicensed Experts are available 24/7
step-image
100% satisfaction guaranteeGet all the answers you need
Ask John-Michaels Your Own Question
John-Michaels
John-Michaels
John-Michaels, Counselor (LPC)
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 954
954 Satisfied Customers
Experience: 25+ years helping resolve relational issues.

John-Michaels is online now

A new question is answered every 9 seconds

How JustAnswer works:

  • Ask an ExpertExperts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional AnswerVia email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site. Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction GuaranteeRate the answer you receive.

JustAnswer in the News:

Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.

What Customers are Saying:

Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help.

Mary C.Freshfield, Liverpool, UK

This expert is wonderful. They truly know what they are talking about, and they actually care about you. They really helped put my nerves at ease. Thank you so much!!!!

AlexLos Angeles, CA

Thank you for all your help. It is nice to know that this service is here for people like myself, who need answers fast and are not sure who to consult.

GPHesperia, CA

I couldn't be more satisfied! This is the site I will always come to when I need a second opinion.

JustinKernersville, NC

Just let me say that this encounter has been entirely professional and most helpful. I liked that I could ask additional questions and get answered in a very short turn around.

EstherWoodstock, NY

Thank you so much for taking your time and knowledge to support my concerns. Not only did you answer my questions, you even took it a step further with replying with more pertinent information I needed to know.

RobinElkton, Maryland

He answered my question promptly and gave me accurate, detailed information. If all of your experts are half as good, you have a great thing going here.

DianeDallas, TX

< Previous | Next >

Meet the Experts:

TherapistMaryAnn

TherapistMaryAnn

Counselor

1,744 satisfied customers

Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues

Ms Chase

Ms Chase

Life Coach

853 satisfied customers

Over 20 yrs experience with Relationships, Sexuality, Friendship, and Family Issues

Alicia_MSW

Alicia_MSW

Psychotherapist

468 satisfied customers

Specializing in relationship/family counseling

Dr. Norman Brown

Dr. Norman Brown

Marriage Therapist

427 satisfied customers

Family Therapist & teacher 35+ yrs; PhD research in couples

DrJackiePhD

DrJackiePhD

Doctor

385 satisfied customers

I have been doing research in relational/interpersonal communication since 1998. My Ph.D. is in interpersonal communication.

Dr. L

Dr. L

Psychologist

366 satisfied customers

Licensed as a Psychologist and Marriage & Family Therapist.

Suzanne

Suzanne

Therapist, LCSW

338 satisfied customers

Experienced in treating trauma, relationship issues, co-dependency

< Previous | Next >

Related Relationship Questions
I have been with this guy for over 20 years. We have 3
I have been with this guy for over 20 years . We have 3 children together ( 21 ,19,16) At first our relationship was good . Both of us was happy and content. I love him but I'm not in love with him. I… read more
Dr. Arun Phophalia
Dr. Arun Phophalia
Consultant Surgeon and Sports Medicine
Post-Doctoral Degree
34,137 satisfied customers
Two weeks ago I broke up with my boyfriend of 2 years. I'm a
Hi, Two weeks ago I broke up with my boyfriend of 2 years. I'm a gay male (37) and he's 28. We broke up once before 9 months ago for about 3 weeks (I broke up with him, then missed him terribly and as… read more
TherapistJen
TherapistJen
Licensed Clinical Social Worker
Master\u0027s Degree
961 satisfied customers
My boyfriend, or ex rather, and I were together months
My boyfriend, or ex rather, and I were together for four months to the day. He is 20 and I am 18. This was his first relationship, whereas it was not mine. I had just gotten out of a two-year relation… read more
Dr. Z
Dr. Z
Psychologist
Doctoral Degree
1,006 satisfied customers
So I have a friend that I been friends with for a few months
So I have a friend that I been friends with for a few months now in school and we were friends even when I was in a relationship so when I became single we hooked up and I caught myself starting to li… read more
Alicia_MSW
Alicia_MSW
Psychotherapist
Master's Degree
468 satisfied customers
Hi, my name is ***** ***** Im 20 years old. I have a boyfriend
Hi, my name is ***** ***** I'm 20 years old. I have a boyfriend 7 years older than me and we are together for a year. Two years ago, we both broke up (he dated his ex for 4 years and mine for 1.5 year… read more
TherapistMaryAnn
TherapistMaryAnn
Counselor
Master's Degree
1,744 satisfied customers
I feel guilty for being so jealous in my previous relationship.
I feel guilty for being so jealous in my previous relationship. WAS my jealousy valid? My then boyfriend kept in touch with his ex girlfriend once in a while and I told him that I didn't like it but h… read more
Elliott, LPCC, NCC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC
Adjunct Professor
Master's Degree
1,014 satisfied customers
Hi , I have been with my Boyfriend Mark for almost 7 months.
Hi , I have been with my Boyfriend Mark for almost 7 months. We have however know each other for 9 years. I met him through my Ex who I was with for 8yrs (broke up in January this yr). My now Boyfrien… read more
psychlady
psychlady
Clinical Director
Master\u0027s Degree
3,517 satisfied customers
Hi , I have been with my Boyfriend Mark for almost 7 months.
Hi , I have been with my Boyfriend Mark for almost 7 months. We have however know each other for 9 years. I met him through my Ex who I was with for 8yrs (broke up in January this yr). My now Boyfrien… read more
Dear Debra
Dear Debra
Advice Columnist
Earning Associate degree
1,299 satisfied customers
Hi Im gay and I am with this man right now. Hes a nice guy.
Hi I'm gay and I am with this man right now. He's a nice guy. But there have always been some problems. 1. He lives with his ex. They were together for about 7 years. Broke up, but they are still room… read more
Santo B
Santo B
Master\u0027s Degree
86 satisfied customers
my husband and i have been married for 15yrs and known each
my husband and i have been married for 15yrs and known each other for 20 yrs have two children .3 days bck i discovered he had been having an affair with an unmarried woman he hasknown for 4-5 yrs.he … read more
Dear Debra
Dear Debra
Advice Columnist
Earning Associate degree
1,299 satisfied customers
I started a relationship with my good friend and roommate.
I started a relationship with my good friend and roommate. We were not official but we lived together slept together and hung out all the time for the past 3 months. He told me he had feelings for me … read more
Dear Debra
Dear Debra
Advice Columnist
Earning Associate degree
1,299 satisfied customers
I believe you had assisted me with my question from last week
I believe you had assisted me with my question from last week regarding my boyfriends communication with his ex. I did have a conversation with him and he said he would “take care of it” However, one … read more
Dr.Kappler
Dr.Kappler
Clinical Psychologist
Doctoral Degree
896 satisfied customers
My boyfriend and I are struggling in our relationship due to
My boyfriend and I are struggling in our relationship due to something that happened at the beginning of our relationship. We have a very complicated history – his more than mine. My boyfriend is 39 y… read more
Dear Debra
Dear Debra
Advice Columnist
Earning Associate degree
1,299 satisfied customers
Dating man who has clinical depression. He stayed with me
Dating man who has clinical depression. He stayed with me for over 2 years. He is confused and not sure he loves me. Would he have stayed that long if he didn't?… read more
Mark Manley
Mark Manley
133 satisfied customers
Hello! Im Stacy and Im 20 years old. My boyfriend is 23 and
Hello! I'm Stacy and I'm 20 years old. My boyfriend is 23 and we've been together for a little under a year, but our situation is a bit tough. He's in the military so we're long distance and have been… read more
Suzanne
Suzanne
Therapist, LCSW
Master's Degree
338 satisfied customers
my ex broke up with me 3 months ago, now i am seeing my ex
my ex broke up with me 3 months ago, now i am seeing my ex boyfriends best friend. shall i tell my ex?… read more
KimberlyF
KimberlyF
High School or GED
554 satisfied customers
my boyfriend and i have been together for a year and a half,
my boyfriend and i have been together for a year and a half, we have lived together for 10 months. his ex girlfriend calls constantly. he says he only answeres or calls her back to tell her to stop. s… read more
KimberlyF
KimberlyF
High School or GED
554 satisfied customers
about a year ago my ex boyfriend and i had broken up and i ...
about a year ago my ex boyfriend and i had broken up and i had a small not comitted relationship with his best friend while he was away he found out an d now we hook up but he says we cant be together… read more
Denise Tremaine
Denise Tremaine
Self employed
Master Degree
2 satisfied customers
Disclaimer: Information in questions, answers, and other posts on this site ("Posts") comes from individual users, not JustAnswer; JustAnswer is not responsible for Posts. Posts are for general information, are not intended to substitute for informed professional advice (medical, legal, veterinary, financial, etc.), or to establish a professional-client relationship. The site and services are provided "as is" with no warranty or representations by JustAnswer regarding the qualifications of Experts. To see what credentials have been verified by a third-party service, please click on the "Verified" symbol in some Experts' profiles. JustAnswer is not intended or designed for EMERGENCY questions which should be directed immediately by telephone or in-person to qualified professionals.

Disclaimer: Information in questions, answers, and other posts on this site ("Posts") comes from individual users, not JustAnswer; JustAnswer is not responsible for Posts. Posts are for general information, are not intended to substitute for informed professional advice (medical, legal, veterinary, financial, etc.), or to establish a professional-client relationship. The site and services are provided "as is" with no warranty or representations by JustAnswer regarding the qualifications of Experts. To see what credentials have been verified by a third-party service, please click on the "Verified" symbol in some Experts' profiles. JustAnswer is not intended or designed for EMERGENCY questions which should be directed immediately by telephone or in-person to qualified professionals.

Show MoreShow Less

Ask Your Question

x