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Can I email my fiancee’s boss to stop giving my fiancée

Can I email my fiancee’s...
Can I email my fiancee’s boss to stop giving my fiancée personal advice about our relationship if it’s hurting our relationship?
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Answered in 1 hour by:
11/22/2017
TherapistMaryAnn
TherapistMaryAnn, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 5,914
Experience: Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
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Hello, I'd like to help you with your question.

If your fiancee is allowing her boss to advise her about your relationship and it is affecting your relationship, it is up to your fiancee to stop sharing personal details and to listening to her boss. She is causing the problem here, not her boss. There is no reason she needs to be sharing personal information about your relationship with her boss in the first place, as it has nothing to do with their relationship. Her relationship to her boss should be completely professional. She may share minor personal information, but nothing that is so personal it affects how she conducts her relationship with you.

Sit down with her and discuss your concerns. You can be nice about it, but also be firm. Tell her that you do not want her sharing personal information with her boss about your relationship and that your relationship is between the two of you and no one else. See what she says. If she is willing to change how she interacts with her boss, then this should work out. But if she becomes defensive or otherwise refuses to hear your concerns, you may want to suggest counseling. A therapist can help determine the underlying issue and help you both work for a solution.

However, if your fiancee refuses to hear your concerns and won't go to counseling with you, you may want to go on your own. You need the support and the opportunity to decide if your relationship is going to be worth staying in.

I hope this has helped you,

MaryAnn

May I please request that if you find the service I provided helpful at all that you rate me with three or above? Your rating is the only way I am reimbursed for my answer. Thank you so much!

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Customer reply replied 2 months ago
To be clear, my fiancée is making false accusations about me, and so her boss is directly influencing my fiancée’s decisions based on little or no context. She’s basically encouraging my fiancée to leave me. I respectfully ***** ***** fiancée not to talk to her boss about private details of our relationship, and asked her to consider couples counseling, but to no avail. Hence my position.

Thank you for the additional information. I understand.

Your fiancee's refusal to hear your concerns about the situation is a red flag. If she does this with her boss, who else is she talking to now or will she talk to in the future? Another red flag is her lack of concern over your feelings. If there is a problem in your relationship, she should be talking to you or a therapist about it, not her boss.

Talking to her boss may help, but only if her boss is willing to hear your concerns. At this point, it sounds like the boss is on your fiancee's side in the situation so it is doubtful she will hear you out or even be willing to get in the middle of your relationship.

If your fiancee will not hear you, then you may want to try counseling yourself. There is a significant issue between you and your fiancee if she is not willing to listen to your feelings. If she is acting like this now, what will it be like when you are married? That is a consideration you need to talk out with a therapist.

MaryAnn

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Customer reply replied 2 months ago
Makes sense. Thanks for the clarity. I’m seeing a therapist tomorrow!

Thank you for the additional information. I understand.

Your fiancee's refusal to hear your concerns about the situation is a red flag. If she does this with her boss, who else is she talking to now or will she talk to in the future? Another red flag is her lack of concern over your feelings. If there is a problem in your relationship, she should be talking to you or a therapist about it, not her boss.

Talking to her boss may help, but only if her boss is willing to hear your concerns. At this point, it sounds like the boss is on your fiancee's side in the situation so it is doubtful she will hear you out or even be willing to stop supporting your fiancee. The boss has already overstepped her boundary with your fiancee.

If your fiancee will not hear you, then you may want to try counseling yourself. There is a significant issue between you and your fiancee if she is not willing to listen to your feelings. If she is acting like this now, what will it be like when you are married? That is a consideration you need to talk out with a therapist.

MaryAnn

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You're welcome! Talking to a therapist will help clear things up for you and you can decide from there what you want to do.

My best to you,

MaryAnn

PS sorry for the technical difficulties. The system seems off today.

TherapistMaryAnn
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Experience: Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
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