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My husband and I have been together for 5 years and married…

My husband and I have...
My husband and I have been together for 5 years and married just under a year. We have lived together for 3 years. I have 2 children from a previous marriage and he has 2 children from a previous marriage. My ex husband doesn’t have any contact with my children but we live very close to his ex wife. His ex wife works with him at a salon he owns and pays her a undeserved salary in my opinion. I understand why he does it because he wants to make sure his children are taken care of. His ex wife was married 6 months after they divorced and had a child with this other man. Now that his ex wife and her husband are divorced I feel like she is trying to have my husband step in a that child’s father. Just yesterday we went to the child’s birthday party and his ex wife’s mother thanked my husband for agreeing to watch the kid today while she went to court. He didn’t tell me about it so it made me angry. When we left he said he forgot about it. He told me he doesn’t want to make the other kid feel like a bad by treating him differently. He proceeded to tell me that because his children have such a strong bond with their brother that it was important for them too see him treat their brother the same as he treats my two children. I find his extremely madding because in my eyes he should treat their bother differently then my kids because their his step children and that kid isn’t anything to him. I’m not saying to be mean to the kid... I guess it just made me feel as though he was going to take on this child as his own as well and I am not ok with it. I’m I crazy or over reacting? I don’t even know how to handle this situation!
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Answered in 10 minutes by:
11/20/2017
John-Michaels
John-Michaels, Counselor (LPC)
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 954
Experience: 25+ years helping resolve relational issues.
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Hello! My name is John. Please allow me a moment as I review your question.
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I understand your frustration, but I also understand his concern for being fair to the other child. Part of me says it is good for him to reach out to this child. The question I ask is when will this end. What if she has another child. Do you two plan to have children of your own. I conclude he needs to reach out to this kid, but at the same time hbne needs to distinguish between them. Maybe treat him on occasion, but it needs to be his own boys he takes custody of on his time, etc. that is open to you agreeing to taking him in with the two. It’s really a decision for you two to make. Does that make sense?
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I hope I was a help to you. Will you do me a favor and give me a five star rating for my answer so I can be paid for it. If you have any comments or questions please post them here. I want to help you.Thank you!
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Customer reply replied 8 months ago
We don’t plan on having anymore children. We have discussed at length that we both didn’t want any more kids. In fact he had a vasectomy when he was married to his ex wife and that is one of the reasons they got a divorce. This is another reason I’m so angry. Not to mention the fact that that kid has a father that is active in his life and grandparents that are very active in his life as well why does my husband have to step up and do EVERYTHING for this woman? His excuse is it’s for his children and who the hell can aurgue with that?
You might bring up, are the others including his children. Honestly, I didn’t realize there was involvement by his dad. I would say he needs to limit his involvement. It sounds like he is confusing the situation.
John-Michaels
John-Michaels, Counselor (LPC)
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 954
Experience: 25+ years helping resolve relational issues.
Verified
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