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Seven months ago, I got dumped by a man I consider my

soulmate. It's been the most...
Seven months ago, I got dumped by a man I consider my soulmate. It's been the most painful breakup I've ever experienced. Even though we were only together a little over a year, we had a very deep connection. We talked about a future together. We were in love. We're so similar, it's ridiculous. After the breakup, we didn't talk for about a month. We tried to be friends again, but I feel we tried too soon. It felt like we were picking up where we left off and neither of us want that. I told him we needed more of a clean break, so for the past month, I've had no contact with him. I'm hoping when we do eventually talk again, it will feel like a fresh start. Thing is, I have no idea how to go about that with him. I've never tried this with an ex before and I don't want to screw it up. To try and have a fresh start with someone, am I doing it right? I'm also still trying to figure out how to deal with the male ego properly. He's 27 and I'm 33, so still being a young man, his pride and ego are very important to him. Is there any way I can get him to break down that wall with me?
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Answered in 1 hour by:
11/20/2017
Rosemary S.
Rosemary S., Human Services Counseling
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 22
Experience: Master of Science degree, in Human Services Counseling.
Verified

11-19-17

Hello:

Assuming that your ex-boyfriend would also

want reconciliation with you in regard

to a romantic relationship, perhaps you should

consider the following.

First, if you should decide to contact him,

only do so if he has never expressed either

verbally, or in writing not to contact him.

Since you did not indicate that he had ever expressed

to you not to contact him, this does not appear

to be the situation.

Therefore, if the two of you should talk again in

the future, maybe you should both consider

seeking 'couples counseling' together. There

appears to be several unresolved issues.

However, pursuing counseling together

depends on several factors.

First, as stated above, does he have the same

desire for the two of you to reconcile in a romantic

relationship?

Also, what was the actual reason behind his decision

to end the relationship with you initially?

This is only a question that only he would

be able to really answer.

If the two of you both agree to the counseling

idea, then certain boundaries need to be agreed

upon before proceeding.

Before pursuing the counseling option, there

first needs to be an understanding that neither of you

will be romantically involved with a 'third party' during

this time period.

You should both agree to this before pursuing

the counseling option.

In addition, 'couples counseling' may help

determine if a romantic relationship would be beneficial,

as well as emotionally healthy, for both of you.

If the two of you decide to pursue some counseling

together; a good place to start is with your own

physician, or the local hospital's referral service.

If finances are a factor, then you should explain this upfront; and

perhaps the service will be able to direct you to a professional

who charges less money, or allows for installment plans.

Good luck.

_______________________________________

*Legal Disclaimer: The information provided above, is general information only and is not intended to serve as a long, or short term, professional relationship. By providing the above information, I am not engaging in a 'relationship designee - client relationship' with you. The above information is only intended to provide general information. The fee that you may pay me, is for general information only. No part of this disclaimer can be reproduced, or copied, without the express consent of Rosemary S., the owner.

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Customer reply replied 7 months ago
He dumped me because he felt I had cheated on him. Two days before a friends birthday party, I found out an old flame had passed away. I was emotionally distraught and never should have been drinking at the party, but I did. My boyfriend went home early because he was tired, so I was left alone at the party, extremely drunk. I blacked out. A week later, my boyfriend says we need to talk. He tells me that he was told I made out with a mutual friend of ours at the party. I was in shock because again, I was blacked out and don't remember anything after a certain point from that night. So my boyfriend was humiliated by being told about it in public and of course upset that I broke his trust. I really felt we could work through it but he said he didn't feel like he could move past it, so he dumped me. I feel he was so overwhelmed by his emotions about it that it was just easier to run away. It was the first real issue in our relationship. He told me so many times that he'd never leave me and the second things got hard, he bailed. It cuts deep. He wouldn't even try with me. Once we started hanging out again, he told me he sometimes questions wether or not he made the right decision in dumping me. He was divided on it. I sense a lot of fear and stubbornness with him. I know he's worried that if we got back together, things would go back to how they were before.

First, it is debatable as to what really happened

after you had consumed too much alcohol.

Maybe the other person's report was accurate,

perhaps it was not.

Unless the 'other partygoer' was able to produce

strong evidence; such as video footage, then it is

questionable as to what really transpired.

Further, even if you did behave in that manner, obviously

you were inebriated to the point where you are now unable

to even recall what happened.

However, taking all of these new factors into consideration,

I still feel that some counseling for both of you together

would be helpful.

First, as I stated before, if you should decide to

contact him, only do so if he has never expressed either

verbally, or in writing not to contact him.

However, since you mentioned in your follow-up

comments that the two of you "had started hanging out again"

after the breakup, this still does not appear to be a situation

regarding as to whether you would be allowed

to contact him.

Therefore, as stated above, I still believe that you

both should consider pursuing 'couples counseling' together.

However, pursuing counseling together

still depends on several factors.

First, as stated above, does he have the same

desire for the two of you to reconcile in a romantic

relationship?

Also, what was the actual reason behind his decision

to end the relationship with you initially?

Although his reasons may seem obvious

​with the additional information you provided,

it is still a question that only he would

be able to really answer.

If the two of you both agree to the counseling

idea, then certain boundaries still need to be agreed

upon before proceeding.

Before pursuing the counseling option, there

first needs to be an understanding that neither of you

will be romantically involved with a 'third party' during

this time period.

You should both agree to this before pursuing

the counseling option.

In addition, 'couples counseling' may still help

determine if a romantic relationship would be beneficial,

as well as emotionally healthy, for both of you.

If the two of you decide to pursue some counseling

together; a good place to start is with your own

physician, or the local hospital's referral service.

If finances are a factor, then you should explain this upfront; and

perhaps the service will be able to direct you to a professional

who charges less money, or allows for installment plans.

Good luck.

_______________________________________

*Legal Disclaimer: The information provided above, is general information only and is not intended to serve as a long, or short term, professional relationship. By providing the above information, I am not engaging in a 'relationship designee - client relationship' with you. The above information is only intended to provide general information. The fee that you may pay me, is for general information only. No part of this disclaimer can be reproduced, or copied, without the express consent of Rosemary S., the owner.

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Additional Closing note.

Lastly, I think I have answered all of your questions.

I would appreciate it if your would rate me, so

I can be paid.

Thank you, ***** ***** a Happy Thanksgiving.

Rosemary S.

____________________________________

*Legal Disclaimer: The information provided above, is general information only and is not intended to serve as a long, or short term, professional relationship. By providing the above information, I am not engaging in a 'relationship designee - client relationship' with you. The above information is only intended to provide general information. The fee that you may pay me, is for general information only. No part of this disclaimer can be reproduced, or copied, without the express consent of Rosemary S., the owner.

Ask Your Own Relationship Question

*Re-adding portion of deleted answer.

Hi:

For some reason this portion was accidentally

deleted.

*On another note, in addition to the above answers,

you may also want to consider that if you were

inebriated to a point where you are unable to recall

what had actually occurred, then perhaps you may

also have a problem with alcohol. (*Especially, if this was

not the first time you were inebriated ​to this extent.)

If you choose to also explore this avenue as well, there

are groups such as 'Alcoholics Anonymous,' that can

help.

You can inquire about this other options like this,

if you decide to pursue the alcohol issue.

Again; a good place to start is with your own

physician, or the local hospital's referral service.

If finances are a factor, then you should explain this upfront;

and perhaps the service will be able to direct you options

that cost less money, or allow for installment plans.

Good luck.

_______________________________________

*Legal Disclaimer: The information provided above, is general information only and is not intended to serve as a long, or short term, professional relationship. By providing the above information, I am not engaging in a 'relationship designee - client relationship' with you. The above information is only intended to provide general information. The fee that you may pay me, is for general information only. No part of this disclaimer can be reproduced, or copied, without the express consent of Rosemary S., the owner.

Rosemary S.
Rosemary S., Human Services Counseling
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 22
Experience: Master of Science degree, in Human Services Counseling.
Verified
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