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My ex and I of 2 years broke up on Sept 6th if this year. A…

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my ex and I of...
my ex and I of 2 years broke up on Sept 6th if this year. A week later she was dating someone new. Her and I were still having sex until the end of Oct. So she was cheating on him weekly with me. Now we haven't spoke since the beginning of nov or seen one another. I was just informed that by a family member that she spoke to that she still loves me and she still thinks about me everyday. And it's still hard for her to be around me because she still cares about and loves me so much. But she is still dating another person. Now I just found out that they are potentially looking for a house to love in too in in March. Should I still try knowing she still loves me and misses me or should I just let it go?
Submitted: 8 months ago.Category: Relationship
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Answered in 58 minutes by:
11/19/2017
Counselor: Rosemary S., Human Services Counseling replied 8 months ago
Rosemary S.
Rosemary S., Human Services Counseling
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 22
Experience: Master of Science degree, in Human Services Counseling.
Verified

11-19-17

Hello:

From the information you provided, it sounds as if your

ex-girlfriend is having difficulty deciding whom she chooses

to be romantically involved with.

Perhaps your relationship, or her feelings about it, are not as

strong as either of you may feel they are.

If she immediately started dating someone else a week after

the two of you had broken up, it may be clear indication of this.

(If this is really true, and not a result of unintentional

misinformation.)

Usually, it takes both people involved to cause the breakup.

Further, although you may have spoken to a 'family member'

regarding the alleged current situation with your ex-girlfriend;

and the information that she and her alleged new

boyfriend may start looking for a house together in March,

you do not really know whether this is accurate. (*Or

at least this is the impression I got from what you

stated in your question.)

Sometimes when information is spread in a 'round-about'

manner, it may unintentionally be inaccurately reported.

Perhaps you should tactfully contact her, to see if the information

your 'family member' reported to you was accurate, and not

a result of a miscommunication, and/or misunderstanding.

(*Important. Only contact her, if she had never expressed

to you previously either verbally or in writing, not to contact

her again in the future.)

If the information reported to you by the 'family member'

is really accurate, and your ex-girlfriend indicates that the

relationship between the two of you is truly over, then

you would need to move-on with your life.

However, if she indicates there is still a possibility

for a reconciliation between the two of you, then

this would be a completely different matter.

If she indicates a possibility for a reconciliation, then

perhaps the two of you need to get some

couples counseling together.

However, before pursuing the counseling option, there

first needs to be an understanding that neither of you will be

romantically involved with a 'third party' during this time period.

(If the two of you should decide to seek counseling together.)

If your ex-girlfriend is unwilling to stop seeing the

'outside person, and/or third-party', then this may

give a clear indication as to where the situation really

stands. As stated above, you would both need to agree

to this before pursuing the counseling option.

If you both agree to this, and the two of you

decide to pursue some counseling together; a good place

to start is with your own physician, or the local hospital's

referral service.

If finances are a factor, then you should explain this upfront; and

perhaps the service will be able to direct you to a professional

who charges less money, or allows for installment plans.

Good luck.

_______________________________________

*Legal Disclaimer: The information provided above, is general information only and is not intended to serve as a long, or short term, professional relationship. By providing the above information, I am not engaging in a 'relationship designee - client relationship' with you. The above information is only intended to provide general information. The fee that you may pay me, is for general information only. No part of this disclaimer can be reproduced, or copied, without the express consent of Rosemary S., the owner.

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Customer reply replied 8 months ago
There is no misinformation from my family member. I saw the messages myself on Facebook. And she isn't sure what she wants from me, she told me she wants me just she can't right now. I did write her long letter and she told me that's what she needed to hear but she wasn't going to let herself before 100% emotionally invested and believe because I've said some things before and they didn't happen. Her biggest thing is she wants to see me actually make changes in my life for the better for myself. But it would make her happier than anything for her to see it. I know she's still in love with me and she still misses me but I'm not sure if I should do or not. Because I do want her back. I'm just confused on her feelings. And so is she.
Counselor: Rosemary S., Human Services Counseling replied 8 months ago

11-19-17

Hello:

I appreciate the additional information.

I did not realize from your question, that

you were informed of the situation with your

ex-girlfriend on Facebook. It was not mentioned

initially in your question today.

Thank you for bringing that additional fact to

my attention.

In your initial question today, I was under the impression

that you had "Been informed that by a family member.."

Further, you also just mentioned in your reply

that you had already contacted your ex-girlfriend by

"writing her long letter..."

I did not realize this from your first question

submission today. Thank you again,

for letting me know about this additional fact,

as well.

However, setting this two issues aside,

I still believe that the two of you should consider

going for some 'couples counseling.'

It appears that you both may have some unresolved

issues. I believe that counseling may help you

both.

If the two of you decide to pursue this option, then

in my opinion, certain boundaries need to be set.

Before pursuing the counseling option, there

first needs to be an understanding that neither of you will be

romantically involved with a 'third party' during this time period.

(If the two of you should decide to seek counseling together.)

If one person is unwilling to agree to this, then this may

give a clear indication as to where the situation really

stands. As stated above, you would both need to agree

to this condition, before pursuing the counseling option.

If you both agree to this, and the two of you

decide to pursue some counseling together; a good place

to start is with your own physician, or the local hospital's

referral service.

If finances are a factor, then you should explain this upfront; and

perhaps the service will be able to direct you to a professional

who charges less money, or allows for installment plans.

Good luck.

_______________________________________

*Legal Disclaimer: The information provided above, is general information only and is not intended to serve as a long, or short term, professional relationship. By providing the above information, I am not engaging in a 'relationship designee - client relationship' with you. The above information is only intended to provide general information. The fee that you may pay me, is for general information only. No part of this disclaimer can be reproduced, or copied, without the express consent of Rosemary S., the owner.

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Counselor: Rosemary S., Human Services Counseling replied 8 months ago

Resending. Addition made to my answer

below.

_________________________________

11-19-17

Hello:

I appreciate the additional information.

I did not realize from your question, that

you were informed of the situation with your

ex-girlfriend on Facebook. It was not mentioned

initially in your question today.

Thank you for bringing that additional fact to

my attention.

In your initial question today, I was under the impression

that you had "Been informed verbally by a family member.."

Further, you also just mentioned in your reply

that you had already contacted your ex-girlfriend by

"writing her long letter..."

I did not realize this from your first question

submission today. Thank you again,

for letting me know about this additional fact,

as well.

However, setting this two issues aside,

I still believe that the two of you should consider

going for some 'couples counseling.'

It appears that you both may have some unresolved

issues. I believe that counseling may help you

both.

If the two of you decide to pursue this option, then

in my opinion, certain boundaries need to be set.

Before pursuing the counseling option, there

first needs to be an understanding that neither of you will be

romantically involved with a 'third party' during this time period.

(If the two of you should decide to seek counseling together.)

If one person is unwilling to agree to this, then this may

give a clear indication as to where the situation really

stands. As stated above, you would both need to agree

to this condition, before pursuing the counseling option.

If you both agree to this, and the two of you

decide to pursue some counseling together; a good place

to start is with your own physician, or the local hospital's

referral service.

If finances are a factor, then you should explain this upfront; and

perhaps the service will be able to direct you to a professional

who charges less money, or allows for installment plans.

Good luck.

_______________________________________

*Legal Disclaimer: The information provided above, is general information only and is not intended to serve as a long, or short term, professional relationship. By providing the above information, I am not engaging in a 'relationship designee - client relationship' with you. The above information is only intended to provide general information. The fee that you may pay me, is for general information only. No part of this disclaimer can be reproduced, or copied, without the express consent of Rosemary S., the owner.

Ask Your Own Relationship Question
Customer reply replied 8 months ago
how shall I "tactfully" contact her?
And when I do, that should be the first thing I bring up? "Hey thanks for talking to me let's do couples counselling?"
Or should I not bring it up and see if she does?
Counselor: Rosemary S., Human Services Counseling replied 8 months ago

11-19-17

In my opinion, you can mention

the idea of couples counseling

in a non-accusatory manner.

You could suggest it in a way by expressing

that you really want things to work out.

Then without placing blame on anyone,

tactfully suggest that perhaps you could both

consider pursuing couples counseling.

As I stated in my answer, if the two of you

decide to pursue this option, then

in my opinion, certain boundaries need to

be set.

Before pursuing the counseling option, there

first needs to be an understanding that neither of you will be

romantically involved with a 'third party' during this time period.

(If the two of you should decide to seek counseling together.)

If one person is unwilling to agree to this, then this may

give a clear indication as to where the situation really

stands. As stated above, you would both need to agree

to this condition, before pursuing the counseling option.

If you both agree to this, and the two of you

decide to pursue some counseling together; a good place

to start is with your own physician, or the local hospital's

referral service.

If finances are a factor, then you should explain this upfront; and

perhaps the service will be able to direct you to a professional

who charges less money, or allows for installment plans.

Good luck.

_______________________________________

*Legal Disclaimer: The information provided above, is general information only and is not intended to serve as a long, or short term, professional relationship. By providing the above information, I am not engaging in a 'relationship designee - client relationship' with you. The above information is only intended to provide general information. The fee that you may pay me, is for general information only. No part of this disclaimer can be reproduced, or copied, without the express consent of Rosemary S., the owner.

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Counselor: Rosemary S., Human Services Counseling replied 8 months ago
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