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Our 16 yr old grandaughter who always was close to us told

us we are a distraction...
Our 16 yr old grandaughter who always was close to us told us we are a distraction to her now. We don't know how to talk to her because she only likes to txt and everything we say seems to be the wrong thing at the wrong time. Please help we are just heartbroken.
JA: The Psychologist will know what to do. Is there anything else important you think the Psychologist should know?
Customer: We have had problems with her father who is ETOH addict and lives with us. We did not handle the problem correct I am sure and I did not let her go home because I was scared and we had so many fights. Is that the reasonwe have lost her and can we do anything to get her back. We love her so very much
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Customer reply replied 25 days ago
I do understand she is 16 and at this time in her life her friends and school is most important. But for her to tell us dont come to watch me swim just hurts so bad. She said it is to hard looking to see if we are there and if we are late, it hurts her swim time. Wejust want to know how to keep her in our life. Can we do anything at all to reach out without looking like we are pushing her ?
Answered in 1 hour by:
11/19/2017
John-Michaels
John-Michaels, Counselor (LPC)
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 785
Experience: 25+ years helping resolve relational issues.
Verified
Hello! My name is John. I am sorry you are going through this I hope I can be a help. What is her relationship like to her father? How about her mother? Does she live with you as well? Any details would be helpful. Thank you!
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Customer reply replied 25 days ago
Tylee was very close to her father. When his marriage ended two years ago she was very protective of him. This was so hard on her she was very close to her step mother and her step brother. Jimmy (father) and Cole (step mom) had a baby (Ivan) and she was close to him too. Part of the reason Jimmy's marriage ended was because he is a alcoholic and he was totally out of control when his marriage feel apart. He moved in with his father and I and it just got worse and worse. Jimmy would fight with his father and I and this was very hard on her. I think he would blame us for everything to her and she was 15 yrs old at the time. he got in a physical fight with his dad once because he drank and drove with Tylee in the car.Jimmy was killing himself and we did not know how to handle any of this . We just lost it. I knew that this was going to effect our relationship with Tylee when her mom (Ashley) found out what had happened.
Jimmy and Ashley had Tylee right out of high school they lived together for a few years and grew apart. Ashley's parents and Jim and I took turns helping out, but Ashely and her mom had a falling out when Tylee was around 8 yrs old. Her mom started being a shut in I think she had depression which lead to drug and alcohol problems. Ashely would not allow her to see Tylee an all and when she was 13 yrs old her grandma passed away Tylee was not allowed to say good by and it was hard on her. Since then Ashley now has pushed her father (who had always been in Tylee's life) because she did not like his girlfriend. She has not spoken to her one brother for over 10 years. So when this happened with Jimmy we knew this was going to end bad.
I had keep a relationship with Ashley as much as possible. Tylee had always been so close to her papa and I and to all of our family.
When all of this happened Tylee asked to speak to a counselor. She has not really talked to Jim and I much about that,but she did tell us that she was going to work on her school work and she would let us know when she was to talk. Her mom told us it was up to her what she decided to do. Tylee has been over twice in the past 7 months and her mom keeps telling us that she has lost the right to her phone . When she did it back Tylee told us that we are a distraction and please dont come to her swim meets and please do not cause her pressure. Her dad still lives with us and is attending AA meetings.
Jim and I are just heartbroken and we dont know what to say or what to do to keep her in our life. I am so afraid to add any pressure on her. Is there anything we can say that she may respond to? I can handle that she needs space but I also know that her mother just walks away from people and I am scared our Tylee is goingto do this to us.
I apologize if this is my second answer. I sent an answer once and it is disappeared, so here goes. I think you best approach is to honor her wishes and back away. I know that is tough, but if you pursue her she will only runaway...(continues)
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Excuse the comparison, but what is the best way to catch a run away pet. If you run after it, it simply rubs faster and farther. When you get him back is when you set on the curb and wait him out. It helps if you have meat or something to attract it. It is time to set on the curb. You have something she wants. You have love and acceptance. Be patient and let her cone to you. Does that make sense?
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I hope I was a help to you. Will you do me a favor and give me a five star rating for my answer so I can be paid for it. If you have any comments or questions please post them here. I want to help you.Thank you!
John-Michaels
John-Michaels, Counselor (LPC)
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 785
Experience: 25+ years helping resolve relational issues.
Verified
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Customer reply replied 25 days ago
Thank you we will back off. Should we tell her that we are here when she is ready?
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John-Michaels
John-Michaels
John-Michaels, Counselor (LPC)
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 785
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Experience: 25+ years helping resolve relational issues.

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