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My husband, toddler & I moved in with my in-laws house, in…

My husband, toddler & I...
My husband, toddler & I moved in with my in-laws house, in husbands home “village” after independent city life since graduating as a pharmacist 20+ years ago. I was a high achiever in everything I did. Top European gymnast, top exams, best jobs, ....I just went for it and I made sure I got it. The pressure/expectation was high. Shockingly, it’s all gone. Overtime I have become a shadow and see a glimpse of hope as I better understand the effects my husband has on me. Frantically did 2 years ivf (really started feeling out of control around then) followed by a perfectly healthy baby boy that I had no idea what to do with as work was my world. Substance abuse really shone through which gave my very quiet accountant husband perfect opportunity to withdraw in disgust & hate completely from me for months, subsequent worsening substance abuse and then depression! I ended up in hospital from anorexia &starvation. They managed to save me on admission after working on me for 12 hours. Husband was very supportive but not now. From there to not working to a PSYCHATRIC clinic to get a borderline personality disorder. Husband had to step up to run home for 1st timeafter discharge which he
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Answered in 7 minutes by:
11/19/2017
John-Michaels
John-Michaels, Counselor (LPC)
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 975
Experience: 25+ years helping resolve relational issues.
Verified
Hello my name is***** give me a moment as I look over your question.
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Customer reply replied 8 months ago
Did well but with severe consequences on me. He truly believes I owe him everything & withdrawing is his reaction/punishment. He was disgusted last night when I explained how destructive & hurtful it makes me after all I’ve done to him? I’m totally disabled by the isolation/contemp/self hate & use. I drank & took prescription meds to numb everything, but now I can see a pattern of abuse. I don’t drink (since June) but I do continue to abuse my meds. Quite frankly I’m shocked at the realisation of my set up. He feels very wounded for keeping the family together and doesn’t think I have a right to be hurt
Could you help me out here? Could you give me more information? Tell me more about your relationship with your husband. How are things with your in laws? Any details could be helpful. Thank you!
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Customer reply replied 8 months ago
Husband very afraid he helped cause any of this hence defensive. 6 yrs younger than me. I’m 40. He moved into my home, I dealt with all bills etc. after meeting & loved the outgoing fun person I am. Is it normal to not speak to your spouse? It’s killing me
Customer reply replied 8 months ago
My inlaws, although amazing,, minding Baby, cooking all meal. does laundry, drives me everywhere as I had my 1st epileptic fit
It sounds like your husband has been very supportive. I’m not sure what all has gone on, why you turned to substance abuse. You need to maybe get marriage therapy. You need to apologize to your husband for the pain your have caused him. Do this with no strings attached. He doesn’t owe you anything. Admit what you have done. Acknowledge the pain you have caused. You must admit, you substance use has caused much pain. Accept his response. Remember, he owes you nothing. Does that make sense?
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Customer reply replied 8 months ago
Really? He’s my husband and has most definitely contributed to this pain by treating me so poorly.
Customer reply replied 8 months ago
However I’ve apologised 100 times
I wish you look over what you have typed and explain your situation step by step because I didn’t see see where you accuse your husband at all?
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TherapistJen
TherapistJen, LCSW, CPC
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 3,928
Experience: Licensed Clinical Social Worker
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It sounds to me like the loss of yourself over time contributed to your unhappiness and subsequent substance abuse. I think if you can get treatment for your addictions you can work your way back to finding yourself again, reconnecting to yourself again and to your husband. It sounds like he has been at a loss on how to support you and both of you have become unable to communicate with one another. This leads to further isolation for both of you and worsening sadness. He may have withdrawn as a way to protect himself so as best you can go to him with love in your heart and let him know what you want..and hopefully that is to get clean and sober, reconnect to him and your child and find yourself again so that you can feel that same zest for life that you had when you were successful in all things. This will take some time so give it the proper time needed to work through this long and painful process....but, if you tackle it as you have tackled all things prior to this time in your life, I do believe you can succeed.

TherapistJen
TherapistJen, LCSW, CPC
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 3,928
Experience: Licensed Clinical Social Worker
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