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I hope for you. The catalyst that brought me to a decision…

Jen , Good day I hope...
Jen ,
Good day I hope for you.
The catalyst that brought me to a decision (the final straw) to end my marriage was when my husband was plotting to buy an investment property with my oldest son without my knowledge during our marriage. This was initially my idea throughout our entire marriage.
Now that we are divorced, I find out that they are still talking about it, and have even seen an investment property. I found out from my son in a passive aggressive way, as it seemed although he deliberately tried to hurt me. This is not new behavior from him. I told him to forget about seeing me on Thanksgiving... and why ... that doing this would hurt me very much and taking myself out of it, is doing business with Dad a good idea for you ? In some subliminal way, I think he blames me for the demise of his family breaking up - because I get cold , non verbal behaviors often not so nice at times also. He has this problem for a while. It amazes me how the black sheep of the family takes the bait and gets lured in by his psycopath Father. I am firm in my decision. Before this, he went to a wake with my x husband and he knew I wanted to go to this wake way before he decided to go with his Dad. He ignored me wanting to go and went with him. Dee
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Answered in 3 minutes by:
11/16/2017
TherapistJen
TherapistJen, LCSW, CPC
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 3,944
Experience: Licensed Clinical Social Worker
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I remember correctly this type of behavior from your son is not new and not surprising but that does not mean it isn't painful. And I think you react quickly by just saying I don't want to see you for Thanksgiving because you are hurt. Take some time to process those feelings and maybe find a way to talk to him where you were able to express those feelings of deep pain and the desire for a deeper connection with him. How does that feel?
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Customer reply replied 10 months ago
You are correct, this is not new behavior from him. I told him it would hurt me if he did this. He knows I want a deeper connection with him as I did not make that a secret over these past several years. He is holding onto something that he takes out on me, and it is unappropriate. Only until he is ready to be respectful do I want to reach out for a deeper connection if he also is ready. In the meantime, I do not want to see him for Thanksgiving. And this is not generally not me , but I am fed up and trying to keep my life as toxic free as possible.
I truly love your strength and your clarity. Maybe in time as he matures further he will be able to see that his decisions have affected you and have hurt you.
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Customer reply replied 10 months ago
Thank you. I am not trying to hurt him. I am putting space between this very hurtful behavior and my ability to process and deal with it if he does go through with a business deal with Dad. Dad has the big bucks, and he knows it. Yet, Dad is not capable of loving him in a way I do. I think I am fed up and want to skip Thanksgiving with them and let them go to Dad and talk about investment properties. I got an invitation from the pushy guy to go his brothers house. I am close friends with him, yet long term I don't know that he is a fit for me. I will tell you that he has most of the characteristics I like in a Man, and a few that really make me realize I could be smothered long term and wanna run away.
Customer reply replied 10 months ago
Yet, we are still dating, I must admit but do not stop trying to date others when the opportunity arises.
I hear you and support you. Before you accept the invitation for Thanksgiving just take a step back and make sure that that's really where you want to be.
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Customer reply replied 10 months ago
I see, well I think a big part of me will be deeply sad. Yet, I will be able to meet new people and build some communication skills that I lost being isolated in the marriage. My kids will come up short giving me what I need to start a new life. They have not supported me or called me much post divorce. They have a history of being manipulated by Dad.
The one son is great to me, yet the other one has behavioral issues when he interacts with me.
I want them to know how painful this is for me. If it is a mistake, I will learn from it.
Customer reply replied 10 months ago
The parent that who doesn't care seems to get the most respect.
He knows he can keep them in his life with the fact that he has a big salary whereas I do not.
I am so glad that you are honoring all of your feelings around this just let them keep swelling and yes do what works for you Thanksgiving and enjoy it all and learn and grow and feel connected where it feels right.
TherapistJen
TherapistJen, LCSW, CPC
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 3,944
Experience: Licensed Clinical Social Worker
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