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How are you? I'm currently in a limbo situation with a guy…

Hello, how are you? I'm...
Hello, how are you? I'm currently in a limbo situation with a guy where, we're more than friends but we're not exclusive either. I guess you could say we're still in the early dating phase?
We've been seeing each other for nearly 6 months and in that time he has given clear indications that he's into me, but he's never actually said it. We've been on dates, hang out at each others places, I've met his best friend and his older brother and he's met one of my friends too. We have a lot of things in common (similar childhood stories, similar values, same taste in music, to name a few). He travelled solo just recently and was still messaging me while he was on holidays, even asking me to go with him the next time he travels. Once he returned he asked when we could get together again, so to me it seems like he's an actions type of person. Whenever we do spend time together, we talk about anything and nothing for hours on end and that's super rare for me to find someone like that and be completely comfortable. To be honest I'm just not sure where to go from here. I mean, yes, I do like him and he has a lot of potential but somehow I still feel he is uncertain about us being together properly, even though his actions tell me otherwise. I've been thinking about it more and more and I now know that what I want is to try and be with him properly although I'm not in a rush. Do you have any advice?
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Answered in 9 hours by:
10/23/2017
TherapistMaryAnn
TherapistMaryAnn, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 5,988
Experience: Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
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Hello, I'd like to help you with your question.

It sounds like there are a lot of positive signs in your relationship with this guy. His actions speak clearly, which is often what you need to pay attention to in any relationship. People can say anything, but if their behavior backs it up, then you can be pretty sure what they feel.

There are a few possibilities as to why this guy has not verbalized his feelings. One, he could be just as unsure as you are about what you feel for each other. While he is communicating his feelings clearly through actions, he may not be able to read you as well. And if you have recently pulled back in the relationship, he may be more fearful to put himself out there and say what he feels for you.

Another possibility is that he was hurt in the past in another relationship by either declaring his feelings and being rejected, or he may have been through a difficult relationship that hurt him. It's often difficult to separate past experiences from current relationships so he may have some transference from his experiences, even if you have never given him a reason to feel that way.

Finally, he may believe that waiting to express himself is the best option. Along with past experiences, people often bring in belief systems they were taught or developed over time. And how a person approaches a relationship varies depending on past experiences. He may believe that he wants to be sure of your feelings first or he may simply think it's too early to be that direct with his feelings. He may also believe that expressing his feelings would scare you away.

The best option if you truly want to find out what he feels is to ask him. Find a quiet time when you are both alone and say that you have enjoyed being together and like his company. Then say I was interested in how you feel about us being together. If he seems positive and responds in that way, then ask directly how he feels about you. Of course, let him know how you feel about him as well. However, if you find that he avoids the question or seems uncomfortable, then that provides you an answer as well. He is either not serious yet about the relationship, or he has some issue that prevents him from expressing his feelings, which could be an issue if you continue with the relationship.

I hope this has helped you,

Mary Ann

TherapistMaryAnn
TherapistMaryAnn, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 5,988
Experience: Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
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Customer reply replied 8 months ago
Hi Mary Ann,Thank you so much for responding, it's definitely given me clarity on what I have to do from here...I think I've always known that I eventually have to ask him about how he feels, but, I'm the one with the issue about expressing my feelings. We're probably the same, as you said. I've never been particularly good at articulating how I feel about a person and whenever I try to, I feel panic rising.Do you think it would be a good idea for me to write him a letter, since I absolutely suck at talking about how I feel?I was thinking of just being clear and concise about my feeligns. If he doesn't respond to it, then I guess I'll know, right?Thanks for all your help so far
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