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To, I do have additional questions. I have started a very…

To Jen, I do have...
To Jen, I do have additional questions. I have started a very loving and close rapport with a man that tells me he is in love with me and we have not met yet. All conversations have been online. We hit it off and we have a strong connection, I might even say falling in love. He just time off from work and he said he will visit me so we can find out if we are compatible. He also said he can spend 4 months with me so if we do have love he wants to start a life with me. He also said if we do have a connection he will put in for retirement from his job so we can start a new life together. How do I believe him, is this really possible, should I believe someone who we only met on line to date. He also asked me something that makes me concerned, since he is out of country he will need to fly back to the states. He asked me to lend him money for this and he said his money is tied up now but he would pay me back in 3 days. This to me is like a red flag and it makes me very nervous. Is he a man if his word? And again do I go for it because I am falling in love with him too?If this is real, then we really have something special. Do I take a chance for lasting love?
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Answered in 42 minutes by:
10/22/2017
TherapistJen
TherapistJen, LCSW, CPC
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 3,756
Experience: Licensed Clinical Social Worker
Verified

I do see many red flags...you have never met, yet he says he is falling in love...love develops in a mutual and deep face to face connection. True and deep long lasting love cannot be decided by an online experience. and he is asking for money? This is a big red flag and I could not in good faith say that is a good thing for you to do. I know you are feeling for him, but my honest view is that this is not a good thing.

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Customer reply replied 3 months ago
Thanks Jen, my gut does say don't give him any money. It made me mad when he asked and it just about negated anything he said loving to me. I just can't believe anything he says now. In my mind he just ruined everything. I lost respect for him because he asked for money. Why are men so low lifes? I guess if he really loves me then he will use his own money and find away to get here. He keeps saying he wants to start a life with me. And that I am the only one for him? Is all of this just a lie?

I don't know whether it's a lie...he may believe he feels that but I am saying how does one feel that without spending time with one another....online and in person are two very different things.

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Customer reply replied 3 months ago
He said his reason to come here and spend time with me a 4 month time to get to know each other, then he said he would retire from his job to be with me and start a life together. Do you think it is best just to say to him I want to get together too the see where this goes. The only thing is that he asked for money. So if I put it back in his court and tell him I can't give him money, he will have to decide if he wants me that much. I take the chance of him walking away, then I guess I will know he isn't the man of character that I want. Am I right to feel this way!

I think if he would like to travel to see you then he pays. To ask for money and say he will pay you back in 3 days sounds fishy. If he can pay you back in 3 days then he can wait 3 days and buy his own ticket.

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Customer reply replied 3 months ago
I guess I will stick to my guns, this money issue really bothers me. I guess if he walks away then I will know the money is more important to him. His reason to me is that his money is out of the country where he is working for the government (in the Middle East) but he said he can't get access to it because it is in the Middle East and there is fighting there and he can't get the money now. Should I believe this?

I can't tell you what to believe...I can only say that it raises red flags...if he can't get access but can pay you back in 3 days, then he can get access. Buyer beware!

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Customer reply replied 3 months ago
Jen, thanks for reinforcing this. It makes me very uncomfortable, this money thing. Thank you for your advice. I'll tell him I can't give him money. So he takes the chance of losing me.
Have a good night.

Trust that gut!!! Sleep easy and keep me posted.

Thanks in advance for the positive rating.

TherapistJen
TherapistJen, LCSW, CPC
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 3,756
Experience: Licensed Clinical Social Worker
Verified
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