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I am recently facing lot of troubles with my husband and…

Customer Question
I am recently facing...

I am recently facing lot of troubles with my husband and in-laws

Expert's Assistant: The Psychologist will know what to do. Please tell me everything you can so the Psychologist can help you best.

My mother-in-law is too much interfering and she badmouths my parents too

Expert's Assistant: Is there anything else the Psychologist should be aware of?

My husband doesnt realise the pain I am gong through and blames me that because of my behaviour she behaves with me like that. Yesterday I said I m quitting this marriage and he said its ok no issues

Submitted: 8 months ago.Category: Relationship
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Customer reply replied 8 months ago
This is going on since the time we got married its been 1 and a half years now. My husband never finds fault in his mother's behaviour and blames only me for everything.
I am confused what to do further before this twice I went to my parents place but he never called me. Then my parents intervened and we compromised. This time also I said I want to quit this marriage he said it is ok and no issues.
Answered in 1 hour by:
10/19/2017
Counselor: TherapistMaryAnn, Counselor replied 8 months ago
TherapistMaryAnn
TherapistMaryAnn, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 5,987
Experience: Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
Verified

Hello, I'd like to help you with your problem.

I am sorry that you are going through this with your in laws and your husband. It can be very painful when you have to cope with people who are determined to hurt you.

When you married your husband, you not only gained a husband but also his family. But in some families, the in laws do not recognize the gain of another daughter (or son). They see the new person as a threat to their family, especially if that family is used to doing things in a dysfunctional way. The parents have a difficult time seeing their child as being an adult and they continue to treat them as if they are part of the family rather than married and moving on. By your in laws preferring your husband and your husband blaming you for your reaction to their dysfunctional behavior is a sign that things are not emotionally healthy in his family.

But no matter the reason for the way his family treats you, what they do hurts. When you marry, you are supposed to leave your family and join with your spouse. That means your spouse comes first. In your case, your husband never stopped putting his family first. And that is unfair to you.

You may want to discuss this further with your husband. Let him know that you feel his actions and his lack of care if you end the marriage over his parents is very hurtful (use "I" statements as in "I feel....") and that you are having trouble in the marriage because of it. He does need to be defending you with his family. You are his wife and you come first. If he does not respond well to you, then suggest counseling. Sometimes it takes someone from the outside of the situation to explain how hurtful in laws can be. Your husband needs to understand that he is allowing this problem to occur and that his parents and their behavior are hurting you. It is his responsibility to put a stop to his mother's actions towards you and your parents.

However, if your husband refuses counseling and continues to say he doesn't care if you leave the marriage, you may want to consider going to counseling on your own. You need to decide if this marriage is worth working on and if there is a chance to make it better. If not, you deserve support while deciding what you need to do for yourself.

I hope this has helped you,

Mary Ann

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Counselor: TherapistMaryAnn, Counselor replied 8 months ago
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