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I have a question... I'm having a hard time with my

I have a question... I'm...
I have a question... I'm having a hard time with my girlfriend and my Mom.. I have recently broke up with my girlfriend of 5 years, we had an assortment of issues but one of her big issues was that she felt that I put my mother before her and that my mom did not like her.. My mom raised me as a single mom and we are very close.. My girlfriend and I both come from broken marriages and both have older kids.. My girlfriend feels that I put my Mother ahead of her ( i told her this a few years ago that my family is 1st as I know that her family is 1st as well). I know that was wrong to say now and I apologized to her for saying that I have told her that she is 1st but she can't get over it.. It has made to difficult for me as I'm really stuck in what to do.. I'm sure if I get back with her she will have resent towards me for whats happened in the past and my Mom will not be so accepting of her as she knows all the issues we've had.. I'm so torn on what I need to do or so to both people.
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Answered in 1 hour by:
10/18/2017
Therapist Leslie
Therapist Leslie, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 402
Experience: Owner and Psychotherapist at Self-Employed, Private Practice
Verified

Good afternoon and thank you so much for your message. I realize it's difficult to reach out. Please know I honor your courage.

My name is ***** ***** I am a psychotherapist in the Metro Boston area of the United States.

Your situation is certainly a complicated one and I fully understand this must be incredibly difficult for you. This is further compounded by feeling you are stuck in the middle between two people you love and care about--your mom and former girlfriend.

I am a single mom as well and truly understand your connection with her. I imagine the two of you have been through so much together and depend on each other. The complexity comes into play when your mom knows details about your personal relationship. Obviously your mom's loyalty is with you and when you mention disagreements you and your ex had during your relationship, she will make the assumption the two of you are not compatible. I know this is difficult to hear but perhaps in the future ensure your issues with your partner stay between you and your partner only.

I'm curious if you are your ex are in touch currently? If so, you might want to let her know you are working on better yourself, learning from your mistakes and looking to be in a healthy relationship in the future. I'm truly hoping she is doing this as well as I know, without doubt, there are things she contributed to the relationship causing it's ultimate breakdown. If, she seems interested, perhaps after some time the two of you can discuss possibly reconnecting.

If you decide to re-enter a relationship with her, it is my recommend the two of you attend a few sessions of couples counseling to ensure neither of you fall into the mistakes of the past.

Have I answered your question? Is there anything else I can do to assist you further? I want to ensure you are pleased with my service. I also gently request you provide a star rating for me. Of course, we can continue to talk after the rating is provided.

Please take good care of yourself and feel free to contact me with any questions you may have.

Warm regards,

Therapist Leslie

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Customer reply replied 1 month ago
we have recently spoke for the 1st time since our break-up which was just over 2 months ago. My ex seem to point out all the main reason for our break up was that I never put her 1st over my mother and that was her reason for being so distant and pulling back from us. It also didn't help when she would ALWAYS bring up past fights and arguments and bring them into the present day.. She couldn't let these things go and this was the main reason why I broke it off with her.. She's not accepting any blame for this and even though she says she loves me and would like to try and make things work this seems to be to big go an obstacle to overcome..

Oh dear, I absolutely agree that there are major obstacles to overcome. I also imagine he not taking responsibility for her behaviors contributes to your frustration...thus pushing you away as well. If you are interested in being in a relationship once again, she truly has to own her piece of this so the same mistakes are not re-created moving forward. It also sounds like past issues were never resolved as they are continuously brought up in anger. I imagine you are very frustrated.

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Good afternoon,

I just wanted to checked back in as I haven't heard from you. Is there anything else I can assist you with today?

Warm regards,

Leslie

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Customer reply replied 29 days ago
No You have helped..thank you

I gently request you provide a star rating so I may be compensated. Of course, if further questions come up, please contact me.

I truly with you the best.

Warm regards,

Therapist Leslie

Therapist Leslie
Therapist Leslie, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 402
Experience: Owner and Psychotherapist at Self-Employed, Private Practice
Verified
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Therapist Leslie
Therapist Leslie
Therapist Leslie, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 402
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Experience: Owner and Psychotherapist at Self-Employed, Private Practice

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