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I need some guidance. I was recently dating a girl who I was…

Second opinion] Hello, I need...
Second opinion] Hello, I need some guidance. I was recently dating a girl who I was madly in love with. Our relationship wasnt anything shy of amazing and to be honest the best I've ever had with another person. We never fought and were both very responsive of one another. She was everything I wanted out of a girl. Perfect in my eyes. She goes abroad for the summer and I began to develop insecurities and trust issues because she was hanging out with a particular guy all the time for a month. She told me there was nothing to worry about but I couldnt help myself. I went to visit her at the end of the summer and our feelings werent the same for one another anymore. We mutually ended things, but looking back, it all couldve been avoided. It was all my fault and I cant stop thinking about where I went wrong. I made all the wrong mistakes. It's been two months since weve broken up and I still think about her every minute of every day. I just woke up from a dream I had with her. I'm living with deep regret and I dont see it subsiding anytime soon. I pushed away the one I truly cared for, the one I couldve spent the rest of my life with. But the timing and immaturity of myself got in the way. Lesson definitely learned but realizing that doesnt help things. I'm lonely and very depressed. She's since been seeing another guy and I dont things are repairable. I feel awful all day everyday. Any advice would be deeply appreciated. Thanks
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Answered in 52 minutes by:
10/16/2017
TherapistMaryAnn
TherapistMaryAnn, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 6,021
Experience: Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
Verified

I'm sorry but I am unable to help at this time.

My best to you,
MaryAnn

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Therapist Leslie
Therapist Leslie, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 447
Experience: Owner and Psychotherapist at Self-Employed, Private Practice
Verified

Good afternoon and thank you so much for your message. I realize it's difficult to reach out. Please know I honor your courage.

My name is ***** ***** I am a psychotherapist in the Metro Boston area.

Oh, sweet soul, my heart aches for you. There truly is tragic and I understand why you feel horribly sad. Just so I can further understand, do you feel your feelings of insecurity and jealousy made the relationship fall apart? Or, do you feel she developed feelings for the other guy and thus pulled away emotionally?

My apologies, I want to be able to provide a thorough response and ask you to provide a little bit more detail so I can assist in a deeper way.

Looking forward to hearing from you.

Warm regards,

Therapist Leslie

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Customer reply replied 11 months ago
I questioned her politely while she was abroad about this guy. She was posting multiple pictures on facebook with him to the point that raised my suspicions. That's just her personality I guess, because in hindsight, they were just friends. He was a lot older than I was and more 'masculine' so to speak so I got worried and insecure. This feeling developed for a month and when I finally saw her I was an emotional wreck around her. We ended things on the best of terms, but looking back I had nothing to worry about. I was overthinking things way to much and in the end, they were just friends. She has since been seeing another guy and the regret of letting her go, not stepping in for the one I deeply love just kills me. I thought I would be over it at this point but the mistakes I made keep running through my mind. I've done nothing but ponder in self pitty for the past two months

Thank you so much for your answers. This helps me understand things a bit.

Yes, I can see how you are beating yourself up, fearing perhaps you sabotaged the relationship by your jealousy. I honestly believe things happen for a reason and perhaps this was the universe's way of putting this possible issue in the forefront. I would use this lesson as a way to do some self-exploration and recommend perhaps even connecting with a local therapist to assist you in moving forward. I am also available via phone should you want to speak.

Sadly the past is history but perhaps in the future you can drop her a line, letting her know how amazing it was to be in a relationship with her, how much you have learned as a result and see if perhaps should would be open to a friendship.

I think every time we love deeply, we are forever changed in a positive way. We learn most about ourselves in the context of relationships and loving another and being loved gives us insight into who we are. This is never a wasted experience.

So please, sweet soul, reach out for additional help, work on yourself and know that this pain will be lifted in due time.

Have I answered your question? Is there anything else I can do to assist you further? I want to ensure you are pleased with my service. I also gently request you provide a star rating for me. Of course, we can continue to talk after the rating is provided.

Please take good care of yourself and feel free to contact me with any questions you may have.

Warm regards,

Therapist Leslie

Therapist Leslie
Therapist Leslie, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 447
Experience: Owner and Psychotherapist at Self-Employed, Private Practice
Verified
Therapist Leslie and 87 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
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Customer reply replied 11 months ago
you helped me a lot. Thank you for your time
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