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You helped me in regards to my father I found. I asked if I…

Hi, You helped me in...
Hi, You helped me in regards ***** ***** father I found. I asked if I should text and you said was better to wait. Well he called me this week and he told me he can not have a relationship with me because he does not know me or if a scam. Also, he said his wife has depression and anxiety. This made it worse, but I asked him if she was upset cause he had a daughter and he said no because she knows that was the past. She was upset that he took the DNA behind her back. This is because he said he was trying to protect her until he knew for sure because he thought I wasn't his daughter. I was so upset. His cousin told me it is because of his wife. Even he told me that. I wasn't sure if I believed him u til I spoke with his cousin . She told me how his wife and issues with my father's mom and she's afraid if I get a divorce he will put me before her. His cousin told me she was sick to her stomach after speaki g to him because of the things he said and how it is not like him. What should I do just leave it alone or etc?
My kids were so happy they had a grandfather and I was so happy I found him. I am glad I know now either way, but it's heartbreaking to know that he doesn't even want to get to know me. I understand he doesn't know me, but that doesn't change the fact that I am his daughter. We get to know strangers , so why wouldn't he want to know his own daughter.It gets me upset and I understand at the same time since he doesn't know me. And he told me if he remembered my mother it would be easier. I don't understand that because it is about me and him not my mother. I think it is better for his wife if he doesn't remember my mother. What do I Do? I don't know how to feel right now? I want to feel like myself again, but I don't know how.
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Answered in 13 minutes by:
10/14/2017
TherapistJen
TherapistJen, LCSW, CPC
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 3,826
Experience: Licensed Clinical Social Worker
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I will respond to you shortly. Thanks so much for waiting.
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Customer reply replied 8 months ago
OK, no problem. Thank you
I am so sorry to hear of this. It is extremely painful for you. It sounds very clear to me that it is about his wife but until he gets enough strength to make his own decision this will be his decision right now. So yes unfortunately there isn't much you can do except wait and hope that in time on his own he desires to reach back out. This does not make it easy for you to move on knowing what you know right now but at this moment it is your only choice take each moment at a time day by day and try to heal from this. I hope in time that he will desire to get to know you and be able to make this decision for himself.
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Customer reply replied 8 months ago
Thank you. Yes it is very difficult.
Customer reply replied 8 months ago
it's so strange because if she is upset cause he went behind her back and not cause of me then why do they not want to? Should I write them a letter?
It sounds like she may be worried that she will lose him to you and to your family and so it's less about you and all about her fears and her worries and their relationship sadly it's you that suffer through this I would not suggest continuing to reach out since he has made it clear let him have some time on his own and maybe he reaches back
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I know you probably feel if you can just write a letter and get it all out he will come to his senses. But I do believe he needs to come to this on his own. I am aware of how excruciating it is for you.
TherapistJen
TherapistJen, LCSW, CPC
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 3,826
Experience: Licensed Clinical Social Worker
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TherapistJen and 87 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
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Customer reply replied 8 months ago
It is true I feel that way that if I get it all out he will come to his senses. I understand what you are saying. Thanks you so much for your help.
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