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Hello, I found your response...
Hello, I found your response very helpful and would like to ask your opinion on another matter, this time, concerning my mental health, if you will.
Since I remember, I have always felt very "unaccomplished" when I have a day off and am not constantly trying to clear up the tasks I have in my mind to do, like sorting the pictures, organizing the drawers or toys, cleaning the closets and stuff like that. I must do something all the time to feel that I have done something positive during the days and not wasted it. I tell myself that I cannot relax and do the things I want until all these tasks are completed. But life always gets in the way and I find that I am missing out on things I like to do because I am not deserving them yet (as I did not finish the more important things). Maybe it comes from the fact that I stay at home with my kids now while my husband works. I feel like if I would work also, I would feel more accomplished, like I am doing something. However, I am never bored at home as there are so many things to take care of. I just feel like I cannot relax and just watch a movie or read during the day because I feel guilty that my husband works hard and I am just staying at home. So I try to do stuff too. And if I feel like I didn't do enough in a day, I don't deserve to relax and watch a movie. Is this normal to feel or am I just being weird?
Submitted: 7 months ago.Category: Relationship
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Answered in 21 minutes by:
9/26/2017
Counselor: Angela--Mod,
 replied 7 months ago
Angela--Mod
Category: Relationship
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Hello,
I am a moderator for this topic. I sent your requested Expert a message to follow up with you here, when they are back online. Thank you for your patience.
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Angela
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Counselor: CounselorJules, Counselor replied 7 months ago
CounselorJules
CounselorJules, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 821
Experience: Licensed Professional Counselor
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Hey! thank you for your question. I am reading through your statements now, but I wanted to let you know that I was online and able to view it. I appreciate the personal request. Bear with me and I will be with you shortly :)

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Counselor: CounselorJules, Counselor replied 7 months ago

Well, I would not say that you were being "weird" at all. I think it is "normal" as a mom who wears lots of hats to feel that there is an ongoing "to do list" that seems to never be accomplished. It sounds like there is a great deal of anxiety related to what you feel you achieve and what you feel like your worth is. It sounds like you are very conscientious of tasks and also conscientious of how others around you are feeling. It sounds like you may place your needs on a backburner because you experience a sense of guilt in relation to what you think you "should" be doing. It is easy to get caught up in a thought pattern that involves "should haves, or would haves, or have to's" but that is a cognitive distortion that actually perpetuates more guilt.... It is a bit self-sabotaging, although it is quite common. Im sending you a list of common cognitive distortions and you will see what seems to relate..... Number 8 is the one that I was referring to specifically.....

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Counselor: CounselorJules, Counselor replied 7 months ago

I wanted to hear your feedback on the article sent, but also I wanted to help you dive further into what may be perpetuating some of those thought patterns. I think sometimes we don't allow ourselves to be a priority because we feel "guilt" about this, but guilt is not necessarily a primary emotion-- conviction is, but not guilt. Guilt tends to keep us stuck in a situation where we don't feel we are capable of making changes, but we feel convicted when something isn't "congruent" with what our value system suggests. Let's look at that a bit....

Was there a time when you felt that someone considered you "selfish?" or you felt "criticized" for focusing on your needs? Or maybe there was a time when you felt that someone you would have liked to focus on your needs more, really only focused on themselves, thus leading to a feeling that you were unimportant? If you could track some of that, and work through that issue, it may be helpful in reframing or changing the thought pattern that exists?

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Counselor: CounselorJules, Counselor replied 7 months ago
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