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Dr.G., Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1525
Experience:  Licensed Psychologist in the state of Minnesota
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Can I relationship work if the dynamite has changed because

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Can I relationship work if the dynamite has changed because of my booyfriend's friend not liking me?
Let me me explain. 2 years ago I stumbled on a message of my boyfriend and 1 of his friends talking about this other girl. Turns out he was encouraging my boyfriend to cheat on me. And it had been a emotional (non-physical relation) for about 4 months. This other friend was laughing about the fact that I had forgiven him and that I was controlling but asking my boyfriend to cut ties with the girl in question if he wanted to stay in our relationship.
I was really hurt by both of these conversation because those friends in question were, turns out, hypocrites towards me and acted like friends.After working things out with my boyfriend, I met up with one of them to understand what they hate words towards me came from. He just denied everything the whole conversation with was exhausting because I tried to amend things with someone who had hurt me deeply for no reason. He then went on telling the rest of their group of friend that I was in the wrong. It's been 2 years now, and what happened changed the dynamite of my relationship. I am no longer invited in the sociallife because that friend will be there. ANd if we turn out to be in the same room, he 100% ignores em.I had told my boyfriend that I am hurt ( still after all this time) by this because I feel like i'll never be part of ''the group'' and miss out on memories. And that fact that he never really asked his friend to apologize to me and keep up with his disrepect towards me is tiring. That friend is now like a secret/taboo as when he's in his presence my boyfriend won't tell me.
Plus every time I see them, I feel uncomfortable and like i have to quiet myself. WHen I did absolutely nothing wrong. And everytime I feel like crying cause it's just a reminder of that difficult time. Like i'm rereading the insulting words.I know that technically i'm in a relationship with him and not his friends...We are planning to move in together and I don't know where to put my head.
What should I do?

Ok so let me get this straight. Your boyfriend excludes you from these social gatherings? He has aligned himself with the friend instead of you? He doesn't own up to any of the wrongdoing? There are secrets going on behind your back? Why are you moving in with him? Why are you in a relationship with him?

Customer: replied 1 month ago.
Sorry I wasn't clear. My boyfriend says that there's nothing that can be done about the way things are with his friends since he can't make them apologize. And that he won't choose between them or me. So yes, he excludes me from these social gatherings.My boyfriend has own up to his wrongdoing. And we have a good relationship if we take out the circumstances (friends).
I do love him (as to why im in a relationship with him). However when he's goes out with the friends in question, he wont mention it, or just generalize it to 'the boys'.My question is what should i do?

Well i see two things that can be done. If you want to stay in the relationship then you are going to have to drop the issue all together and pretend like everything is fine and accept that he will choose his friends over you. On the other hand, if you want to do the right thing and have a loving relationship where he puts you before friends, then you stay your ground and voice your concern and see if he changes and puts you first. If he doesn't change then the relationship will end. You can't change his friends, but he should be aligning with you instead of his friends.

Customer: replied 1 month ago.
What would align with me instead of friends be? (sorry english isn't my first language)

Well if he chose your feelings and concerns into account over his friends. Also, he wouldn't exclude you from social gatherings.

Customer: replied 1 month ago.
Okay, I think is the best option for me in this situation. Thank you!

thank you and best wishes. please don't forget to accept answer so i get credit for my time.

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