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Dr.G.
Dr.G., Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1525
Experience:  Licensed Psychologist in the state of Minnesota
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My boyfriend and I were together for 5 months now. We were

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my boyfriend and I were together for 5 months now. We were having a wonderful time. I was sure he was in love with me. All his words and actions pointed that way. He said he was serious about me, was always thinking about me, wants to have sex with only me, and was missing me all the time. Then, after a wonderful afternoon, we got into an animated discussion about our feelings for each other. He broke up with me saying he does not love me. We met again a couple of times afterwards, only for him to say he misses me, has strong feelings for me, was not planning to break up, and wants to be sexually with me only. But that he is not in love. And he cannot promise me a future I want (family together, 4 years down the lane). Long story short - we are broken up. Still he attempts to stay friends. And I am allowing him although I am heartbroken. What do you think is going on? Shall I just move on/wait for him/stay friends?

Hi there. I am sorry to hear about your situation. I really can't tell what is going on with your boyfriend. He did lay it out that he is not in love and doesn't want to waste your time, so I guess that is his reasoning. Likely, he is afraid of commitment. He also probably has unrealistic expectations of the perfect woman he is searching for. But again, this is all a guessing game. As for you, I understand being heartbroken, but I think it is time to move on. He stated his stance on the relationship and you have to respect him for that. Like I tell people, you date to see if there is compatibility. If no compatibility then you are free to move on to another relationship. That is the whole point of dating. I give him kudos for stating his feelings up front like this and not dragging you down a dead end relationship. What do you think?

Customer: replied 1 month ago.
Thank you. He is again saying how much he missed me, wants to kiss me etc. And how if both of us end up in Lugano we could be sort of together (this part was implied). But i am just gonna take it as his residual feelings. And be a friend only. So I said "Oh, it will pass."

Well, I think that might be the best route to go. I just hope he is not using you for sexual favors. When someone says they sort of want to be together that usually means they just want to be with you for sex. Being a friend to him may be fine, until you meet someone more serious then the relationship with this guy is likely to end.

Customer: replied 1 month ago.
No, I am not sleeping with him since we broke up. He never asked me to, either.
Thank you so much for your help.

You are welcome and best wishes. Please don't forget to accept answer so I get credit.

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