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My boyfriend seems to be placating me continuously. Once…

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My boyfriend seems to...

My boyfriend seems to be placating me continuously. Once conversation he will say we can move in together next summer and then the next he is not sure. We have been dating for over a year, but he was out of town working and I would only see him once or twice a month during that time. He has since been here since April 1st and we have spent every weekend and at least one night during the week with each other since except on the occasion he has been with his son or his family over seas, which was for only a 3 week period once. He has still not told his son about me and he finally added me on Facebook after I broke up with him and told him I wanted a more transparent relationship and that I wanted to stop hiding from everyone for fear his son would find out. He claims he is sensitive and was upset with him over the divorce and does not want to lose him that we need to take it more slow. He lives over an hour away and his place is much nicer than mine so I am always going there. I have a key to his place, I have one of his credit cards, he is always doing romantic gestures for me and takes care of me as well as consistantly lifting me up because of my insecurities he has made me stronger in this way, but I want more and I don't know if I am being to pushy in my wants or if he is just telling me what I want to hear. He really wants to wait 2 more years until we move in togehter because of his son, but I cannot do that.

Expert's Assistant: This sounds like a can of worms I'm glad not to have to open. The Psychologist will do a great job for you. Is there anything else the Psychologist should be aware of?

He is from Bosnian and I know the culture is different there, but being we JUST broke up and got back together I am not sure when a good time is to discuss again and I didn't give him a time frame to tell his son and now I am afraid I am going to get the run around again, for lack of better terms.

Submitted: 8 months ago.Category: Relationship
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Answered in 23 minutes by:
9/20/2017
Counselor: Dr.G., Psychologist replied 8 months ago
Dr.G.
Dr.G., Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1,560
Experience: Licensed Psychologist
Verified

Hi there. I am wondering what the rush is to move in together. I can understand you wanting a transparent relationship, but what is the push to move in together.

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Customer reply replied 8 months ago
Because of the distance and I don't feel it is a rush. It will be 2 years of dating before moving in together
Counselor: Dr.G., Psychologist replied 8 months ago

Ok, so I get that it would be more convenient. However, what if he doesn't want to move in until marriage? Do you dump him or do you wait? If the moving in part is a deal breaker for you then I think you need to let him know that upfront. However, if it has more to do with sneaking around, then I think you are totally justified in telling him to stop hiding the relationship. What do you think?

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Customer reply replied 8 months ago
He is not interested in marriage at this time and I am not sure if he is ever going to be. I really don't care as I just want to share a home with him and to wake up with him everyday. This would be both of our second marriages so to wait for this is perfectly fine. The reason I think he doesn't want to move in is because he of his son. I don't know if I should be more patient about this or if there is a bigger reason for him not to tell him.
Counselor: Dr.G., Psychologist replied 8 months ago

So he is worried what his son will think? Sounds like he needs to be talking to his son. How old is this kid? If he doesn't want your relationship to interfere with the relationship with his son, then I can see that being a respectable reason. But, if he is walking on eggshells around his son because of unresolved issues between the two, then yes you have a reason to push him to resolve this. Does that make sense?

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Customer reply replied 8 months ago
his son is 16 and I think he does need to talk to him. I just don't know how to push him to do this without pushing, does that make sense?
Counselor: Dr.G., Psychologist replied 8 months ago
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