Relationship

Have Relationship Questions? Ask a Counselor for Answers ASAP

Ask an Expert,
Get an Answer ASAP!

I'm a married women had first time ever affair for 7 months…

Customer Question
I'm a married women had...
I'm a married women had first time ever affair for 7 months with another married woman- fell in love both told husbands we were leaving and going to be together, then 2 days later she changed her mind but still wants me to be part of her life as a friend, her husband is not happy about it but is letting her ring me every now and then as long as he's there - I don't think I can be a real friend and I really don't think he will never allow us to be normal friends.
My questions- What should I do as I cant think straight I'm a emotional mess.
Submitted: 11 months ago.Category: Relationship
Show More
Show Less
Ask Your Own Relationship Question
Answered in 1 hour by:
9/17/2017
Counselor: Dr.G., Psychologist replied 11 months ago
Dr.G.
Dr.G., Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1,570
Experience: Licensed Psychologist
Verified
Hit there. You really got yourself in a bind. If we are going to cut straight to the chase then here is what I recommend. End all contact with the woman. You can't hang on to her and repair the marriage. Focus your attention on your husband and making things right.
Ask Your Own Relationship Question
Customer reply replied 11 months ago
It was the first time for both of us being with someone of the same sex. And her reason for changing her mind was she couldn't handle seeing her daughters reaction, it was either break there hearts or just mine. Shes 49 married for 27 years I'm 39 married for 17 years. Her kids are in there 20s and dont live at home. She has told her husband multiple times that shes leaving him before she ever meet me but could never go through with it as she said it's really hard and she was afraid. She thought he had cheated on her but he says he hasn't. He was happy for her to leave but immediately went and changed his will and stopped her from having access to there bank accounts so she had no access to money. But she says he fought for her and feels he does love her and things will be different now he's woken up. She tells me she misses me and loves me and she thought for a few weeks she had made the wrong choice and she is struggling not talking to me all the time. But she is staying with him and trying to make it work and doing everything he says other than cutting me off, she told him I'm her best friend and that's it and she's sorry she didn't realize it sooner that our bond is more sisterly than romantic before telling everyone. But then tells me we can't be trusted alone but in time all the feelings will go away. I love her that's why it's so hard for me to walk away from her and I still have feelings as does she but we're trying to stay busy and not think about it and let time sort it out and one day they will be gone and one day her husband will relax and let us be friends.. but I'm the one who's been rejected and it hurts she wants her cake and to eat it as well.. I just want to stop hurting and feeling like I'm being dangled on a string.. what do i say to her... to let her go feels like the hardest thing to do in the world like worse than a death as you know they are still alive but I can't be living in hopes she will change her mind. My marriage is over.
Counselor: Dr.G., Psychologist replied 11 months ago
If your marriage is over then go through with the divorce then you can do whatever you want. You are not the only one hurting in this situation, there is a lot of damage being caused. And yes, she does want to use you and keep you on the side. One final thought, everything feels good between the two of you because both of you are running away from unhappy marriages. If both of you want to be together than both of you need to divorce. The damage is done but hopefully you can turn things around and start to do the right thing, and that means getting her out of your life.
Ask Your Own Relationship Question
Customer reply replied 11 months ago
Things don't feel good between us she has been really messing with my head and heart but she cant see it and I can see she's now she's messing with her husbands head aswell. and I know I'm not the only one hurting. My husband is fine it didnt worry him at all he holds no bad feelings. Why does she want to keep me around that's what I don't understand and why am I putting up with being treated like this.
Counselor: Dr.G., Psychologist replied 11 months ago
This answer is protected
Would you like to ask this question?
If you've already paid for this answer, simply Login.
Was this answer helpful?

How JustAnswer works

step-image
Describe your issueThe assistant will guide you
step-image
Chat 1:1 with a counselorLicensed Experts are available 24/7
step-image
100% satisfaction guaranteeGet all the answers you need
Ask Dr.G. Your Own Question
Dr.G.
Dr.G.
Dr.G., Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1,570
1,570 Satisfied Customers
Experience: Licensed Psychologist

Dr.G. is online now

A new question is answered every 9 seconds

How JustAnswer works:

  • Ask an ExpertExperts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional AnswerVia email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site. Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction GuaranteeRate the answer you receive.

JustAnswer in the News:

Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.

What Customers are Saying:

Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help.

Mary C.Freshfield, Liverpool, UK

This expert is wonderful. They truly know what they are talking about, and they actually care about you. They really helped put my nerves at ease. Thank you so much!!!!

AlexLos Angeles, CA

Thank you for all your help. It is nice to know that this service is here for people like myself, who need answers fast and are not sure who to consult.

GPHesperia, CA

I couldn't be more satisfied! This is the site I will always come to when I need a second opinion.

JustinKernersville, NC

Just let me say that this encounter has been entirely professional and most helpful. I liked that I could ask additional questions and get answered in a very short turn around.

EstherWoodstock, NY

Thank you so much for taking your time and knowledge to support my concerns. Not only did you answer my questions, you even took it a step further with replying with more pertinent information I needed to know.

RobinElkton, Maryland

He answered my question promptly and gave me accurate, detailed information. If all of your experts are half as good, you have a great thing going here.

DianeDallas, TX

< Previous | Next >

Meet the Experts:

TherapistMaryAnn

TherapistMaryAnn

Counselor

1,744 satisfied customers

Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues

Ms Chase

Ms Chase

Life Coach

853 satisfied customers

Over 20 yrs experience with Relationships, Sexuality, Friendship, and Family Issues

Alicia_MSW

Alicia_MSW

Psychotherapist

468 satisfied customers

Specializing in relationship/family counseling

Dr. Norman Brown

Dr. Norman Brown

Marriage Therapist

427 satisfied customers

Family Therapist & teacher 35+ yrs; PhD research in couples

DrJackiePhD

DrJackiePhD

Doctor

385 satisfied customers

I have been doing research in relational/interpersonal communication since 1998. My Ph.D. is in interpersonal communication.

Dr. L

Dr. L

Psychologist

366 satisfied customers

Licensed as a Psychologist and Marriage & Family Therapist.

Suzanne

Suzanne

Therapist, LCSW

338 satisfied customers

Experienced in treating trauma, relationship issues, co-dependency

< Previous | Next >

Related Relationship Questions
My husband left me and our 8 y.o. son out of the blue about 6 weeks ago and less than a we
My husband left me and our 8 y.o. son out of the blue about 6 weeks ago and less than a week later started having a relationship with his mistress who is also married with 3 kids (however, her husband… read more
Dr. Z
Dr. Z
Psychologist
Doctoral Degree
9,633 satisfied customers
I've been married for 17 years..the last vouple of years my
I've been married for 17 years..the last vouple of years my husband and I had drifted apart..sexually and emotionally. In may of this year I found out my husband had been having an affair..well..not r… read more
Dear Debra
Dear Debra
Advice Columnist
Earning Associate degree
1,299 satisfied customers
I am dating a woman who I care for! She is legally married
I am dating a woman who I care for! She is legally married but not living with her husband. She told me all of this and I was taken back by this information. She indicated to me she did this for finan… read more
Dr.G.
Dr.G.
Psychologist
Doctoral Degree
1,570 satisfied customers
Hi, I never thought at 56 years old I would be writing with
Hi, I never thought at 56 years old I would be writing with a relationship problem but I'm baffled by this one. Mr X and I went out together for 6 months about 2 years ago. We had a good relationship … read more
KansasTherapist
KansasTherapist
Clinical Social Worker
Master\u0027s Degree
121 satisfied customers
I have known my husband for 7 years, 5 of which we have been
I have known my husband for 7 years, 5 of which we have been married. Last year he had a serious health scare that caused him to go into a (undiagnosed by a doctor) depressive state. Two months ago, I… read more
DrJackiePhD
DrJackiePhD
Doctor
Doctoral Degree
385 satisfied customers
Hi 6 weeks ago my husband told me he was having an affair.
Hi 6 weeks ago my husband told me he was having an affair. It had been going on for 4 months when he told me and then said he couldn't give her up. After 4 days I asked him to leave, he went straight … read more
Howard Wise
Howard Wise
Master's Degree
398 satisfied customers
Hi, I am a man, aged 44, who has been married for the last
Hi, I am a man, aged 44, who has been married for the last 11 years to a wonderful, successful woman, aged 47, & have a fantastic 10 year old son. We are relatively affluent & there is no real reason … read more
Elliott, LPCC, NCC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC
Adjunct Professor
Master's Degree
1,014 satisfied customers
I have a strong gut feeling my husband has been cheating on
I have a strong gut feeling my husband has been cheating on me for years. I've tryed to be my own detective, (he's way to slick) Their are alot of signs he is, but need something substantial. Can you … read more
Dr. Norman Brown
Dr. Norman Brown
Marriage Therapist
Doctoral Degree
427 satisfied customers
do you think my husband is emotional attached to another woman
do you think my husband is emotional attached to another woman with the question i have previously asked. My husband talks to me about the other women he is around at work and has been invited to go f… read more
Suzanne
Suzanne
Therapist, LCSW
Master's Degree
338 satisfied customers
I have a friend who is (as his married girlfriend would say)
I have a friend who is (as his married girlfriend would say) in a committed relationship with her. He & I (a woman) have been friends for over 18 years. She is aware of our friendship & has already ba… read more
psychlady
psychlady
Clinical Director
Master\u0027s Degree
3,517 satisfied customers
Daphne and I started dating 2 years ago. We met in our favorite
Daphne and I started dating 2 years ago. We met in our favorite bar. Started out as just friends, but I knew then she wanted more. I wasn't quite ready at the time. This went on for about 4 months. Sh… read more
Dear Debra
Dear Debra
Advice Columnist
Earning Associate degree
1,299 satisfied customers
I Dated my ex for 15 months after he lost his wife of 13 years.
I Dated my ex for 15 months after he lost his wife of 13 years. He had only been a widow for 5 months and I no that that is very early. We had problems but shared our love of music, food everything re… read more
psychlady
psychlady
Clinical Director
Master\u0027s Degree
3,517 satisfied customers
Back in early February I discovered my husband had been texting
Back in early February I discovered my husband had been texting & calling another woman for about 3 months. He always deleted the messages & phone logs. I checked the records with our wireless provide… read more
Jennifer
Jennifer
School Psychologist
Master's Degree
396 satisfied customers
My husband and I have been married for about 9 1/2 months.
My husband and I have been married for about 9 1/2 months. Before we got married he admitted to me that he had "feelings" for a girl he considered to be his "best friend". He told me that he loved her… read more
Anna
Anna
Clinical Supervisor
Master\u0027s Degree
232 satisfied customers
myhusband had friendship with a women from work,he kept it
myhusband had friendship with a women from work,he kept it from me Iheard a voice mail from her thanking my husband for dinner the great conversation and awesome evening,ending with her laughing & dis… read more
KimberlyF
KimberlyF
High School or GED
554 satisfied customers
My husband is having an emotional affair over the phone with
My husband is having an emotional affair over the phone with a patient of his. It's been going on for a few months, I just found out yesterday when checking the cell phone bill. I felt things weren't … read more
Cher
Cher
JustAnswer Expert & Mentor;Teacher/Tutor
Masters Degree
1,382 satisfied customers
HI. My husband of 17 yrs (24 together) , 3 teenage children,
HI. My husband of 17 yrs (24 together) , 3 teenage children, had an emotional affair with my daughter's best friend's mom. after he confronted me about our marriage , and before I knew about their aff… read more
KimberlyF
KimberlyF
High School or GED
554 satisfied customers
I have been having an affair for over a year, We were both ...
I have been having an affair for over a year, We were both married and now he is divorced for about 6 months now, but i'm stil married. We live in different states, to make a long story short, I love … read more
Carol
Carol
Wife and mother
Special aptitude dealin with r/ship
148 satisfied customers
Disclaimer: Information in questions, answers, and other posts on this site ("Posts") comes from individual users, not JustAnswer; JustAnswer is not responsible for Posts. Posts are for general information, are not intended to substitute for informed professional advice (medical, legal, veterinary, financial, etc.), or to establish a professional-client relationship. The site and services are provided "as is" with no warranty or representations by JustAnswer regarding the qualifications of Experts. To see what credentials have been verified by a third-party service, please click on the "Verified" symbol in some Experts' profiles. JustAnswer is not intended or designed for EMERGENCY questions which should be directed immediately by telephone or in-person to qualified professionals.

Disclaimer: Information in questions, answers, and other posts on this site ("Posts") comes from individual users, not JustAnswer; JustAnswer is not responsible for Posts. Posts are for general information, are not intended to substitute for informed professional advice (medical, legal, veterinary, financial, etc.), or to establish a professional-client relationship. The site and services are provided "as is" with no warranty or representations by JustAnswer regarding the qualifications of Experts. To see what credentials have been verified by a third-party service, please click on the "Verified" symbol in some Experts' profiles. JustAnswer is not intended or designed for EMERGENCY questions which should be directed immediately by telephone or in-person to qualified professionals.

Show MoreShow Less

Ask Your Question

x