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I'm a married women had first time ever affair for 7 months…

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I'm a married women had...
I'm a married women had first time ever affair for 7 months with another married woman- fell in love both told husbands we were leaving and going to be together, then 2 days later she changed her mind but still wants me to be part of her life as a friend, her husband is not happy about it but is letting her ring me every now and then as long as he's there - I don't think I can be a real friend and I really don't think he will never allow us to be normal friends.
My questions- What should I do as I cant think straight I'm a emotional mess.
Submitted: 8 months ago.Category: Relationship
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Answered in 1 hour by:
9/17/2017
Counselor: Dr.G., Psychologist replied 8 months ago
Dr.G.
Dr.G., Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1,563
Experience: Licensed Psychologist
Verified
Hit there. You really got yourself in a bind. If we are going to cut straight to the chase then here is what I recommend. End all contact with the woman. You can't hang on to her and repair the marriage. Focus your attention on your husband and making things right.
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Customer reply replied 8 months ago
It was the first time for both of us being with someone of the same sex. And her reason for changing her mind was she couldn't handle seeing her daughters reaction, it was either break there hearts or just mine. Shes 49 married for 27 years I'm 39 married for 17 years. Her kids are in there 20s and dont live at home. She has told her husband multiple times that shes leaving him before she ever meet me but could never go through with it as she said it's really hard and she was afraid. She thought he had cheated on her but he says he hasn't. He was happy for her to leave but immediately went and changed his will and stopped her from having access to there bank accounts so she had no access to money. But she says he fought for her and feels he does love her and things will be different now he's woken up. She tells me she misses me and loves me and she thought for a few weeks she had made the wrong choice and she is struggling not talking to me all the time. But she is staying with him and trying to make it work and doing everything he says other than cutting me off, she told him I'm her best friend and that's it and she's sorry she didn't realize it sooner that our bond is more sisterly than romantic before telling everyone. But then tells me we can't be trusted alone but in time all the feelings will go away. I love her that's why it's so hard for me to walk away from her and I still have feelings as does she but we're trying to stay busy and not think about it and let time sort it out and one day they will be gone and one day her husband will relax and let us be friends.. but I'm the one who's been rejected and it hurts she wants her cake and to eat it as well.. I just want to stop hurting and feeling like I'm being dangled on a string.. what do i say to her... to let her go feels like the hardest thing to do in the world like worse than a death as you know they are still alive but I can't be living in hopes she will change her mind. My marriage is over.
Counselor: Dr.G., Psychologist replied 8 months ago
If your marriage is over then go through with the divorce then you can do whatever you want. You are not the only one hurting in this situation, there is a lot of damage being caused. And yes, she does want to use you and keep you on the side. One final thought, everything feels good between the two of you because both of you are running away from unhappy marriages. If both of you want to be together than both of you need to divorce. The damage is done but hopefully you can turn things around and start to do the right thing, and that means getting her out of your life.
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Customer reply replied 8 months ago
Things don't feel good between us she has been really messing with my head and heart but she cant see it and I can see she's now she's messing with her husbands head aswell. and I know I'm not the only one hurting. My husband is fine it didnt worry him at all he holds no bad feelings. Why does she want to keep me around that's what I don't understand and why am I putting up with being treated like this.
Counselor: Dr.G., Psychologist replied 8 months ago
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