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I was with my ex for 4 years. We broke up and got into

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different relationships. They ended. It's...
I was with my ex for 4 years. We broke up and got into different relationships. They ended. It's been 4 years since we were last together. She started to tell me she wanted to settle down and have a family and we started to rekindle our relationship. We go on dates. We have not been intimate yet. I have changed alot to make this work, fixing what was wrong the previous time we tried. But she still goes on dates with other blokes and stuff like that even tho we had decided to go on dates to see if we could rekindle our relationship. She invites me over and we cuddle then I won't hear from her for like a week. I feel like I'm being kept as a second option, when ever I raise a drama she just says that we're not in a relationship and if it's going to happen it'll happen. I keep asking her to make up her mind and she says that I can't give her a time frame on it, understandably, but if you were considering getting back with someone wouldn't you not look around for another bloke? I just want someone to agree with me that she is playing me so I can pick her ass to the curb. Any advice would be awesome. Cheers.
Submitted: 10 months ago.Category: Relationship
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Answered in 22 minutes by:
9/15/2017
Counselor: TherapistMaryAnn, Counselor replied 10 months ago
TherapistMaryAnn
TherapistMaryAnn, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 5,996
Experience: Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
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Hello, I'd like to help you with your problem.

It sounds like there could be two things going on with your ex. One, she could be afraid to commit. Without being able to talk to her, this is hard to judge. But it is possible she is hurt by your relationship or another one she was in and right now she is avoiding committing to any relationship to avoid getting hurt. If you cannot tell if she is afraid to commit, you can try asking her. See if she is willing to discuss it.

However, given what you describe, it is more likely she is looking at your relationship in a very casual way, possibly to see if any other relationship works out. So you may be correct in saying she is keeping your relationship as a second option. In that case, she is seeing your relationship very much from her own perspective and not considering your feelings in her decisions. That is not a good sign. Relationships need to be a two way street in order to work.

Whatever the case may be with your ex, your feelings about her and the relationship matter. And because she is refusing to consider your feelings, she leaves you no choice but to put your own needs first. In that case, you may need to look at this relationship and ask yourself if this is what you want. Are you getting your needs met? Is this relationship going in the direction you want it to? Explore your wants and needs and see if this relationship is fitting into them. If not, then it may be a good time to end it and move on. You can also make a list of the good and bad of the relationship based on what you want out of it. That can often help you see more clearly if this relationship is for you, or if you should end it.

I hope this has helped you,

Mary Ann

May I please request that if you find the service I provided helpful at all that you rate me with three or above? Your rating is the only way I am reimbursed for my answer. Thank you so much!

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Counselor: TherapistMaryAnn, Counselor replied 10 months ago
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