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Dr.G., Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1525
Experience:  Licensed Psychologist in the state of Minnesota
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I'm a 38 y/o male. A few years back I. Et the woman I'm now

Customer Question

Hello I'm a 38 y/o male. A few years back I. Et the woman I'm now dating since April of 2016. She has a 16 year old daughter and asked me to move in this past March. Overtime she told me about how she had been abused by her step father in her teenage years (I'm a law enforc me t officer) and so was she. She told me how she wants NEEDS a DOM/SUB relationship BDSM wise. I thought funny and hey what the heck at first until I found out she was dead serious! Here's the thing though...we go a few months she says nothing then all of a sudden she's disappointed as she needs this (off and on). She was forced to resign from her job this past June. Now she is going out while I'm working staying over with friends some she recently met who I already don't trust because she has been drinking. I told her that when I dated before that and even my parents didn't drink and not come home. She looked at me like I bit her head off. Also other things she says she wants me involved in but goes when I'm working. I said "well if you wanted me there you'd wait till I was free?" Again the same look. Am I wrong to feel that way or am I missing the psychology here because it's all different and what should I do. I must admit I fell in love with her before I truest knew all this...
Submitted: 1 month ago.
Category: Relationship
Customer: replied 1 month ago.
She is 7 years older then me
Customer: replied 1 month ago.
I don't understand why she asked me to move in or not break up with me? I told her before she does something with anyone else to do so but oddly I trust she doesn't? She has her own money for now at least so I just pay my half...I'm not sure what to think...
Expert:  Dr.G. replied 1 month ago.
Hello there. It looks like you are in a tough bind. Although you are seeking help here, I think you have already identified the problem. You are not wrong in the way you feel about this situation. I get the sense she is taking advantage of you. She wants the financial and relational stability of a home life but also wants her freedom and party life too. She won't ask you to break up because she's got it made. What is your next move?
Customer: replied 1 month ago.
I'm not sure if I'm not what she wants I wish she would just say and that would make it I'll have to make the descision...I keep pushing things to see how she reacts and it's the same every time
Expert:  Dr.G. replied 1 month ago.

Yeah, you probably will not get a straight answer from her. I think it is going to come down to you setting your limits and see how she responds. What she is doing is not conducive to a healthy relationship. You speak your concerns and things you want to change in the relationship. If she responds well to you then great. If not, then you know you have to make the tough decision to end the relationship.