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Leslie Thank you ever so much for your kind reply and wise…

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Hi LeslieThank you ever so...
Hi LeslieThank you ever so much for your kind reply and wise words. It really means a lot.I am overwhelmed in a lot of ways. I would never, EVER be embarking on something like this had I not known and been with him earlier in my life – we had a very deep connection from the get-go and it was external circumstances (post-natal depression amidst a bad short marriage, the pull of a young child and obligation to give it another go for the child’s sake) that ultimately made him give it another go. At the time (September 2015) he told me that he had doubts it would work but that he had to try for the child’s sake and he wouldn’t forgive himself if he didn’t, and so that always made it very difficult for me to get over him when I knew his situation would likely fail.There was no sleazy affair or reaching out – we were not in contact for a long long time. By chance this summer, we bumped into each other and all the conversations went from there – and him saying he still loved me deeply and knew he had to do the right thing by everyone and leave this for good. His relationship has been abusive and terrible, she is mentally unstable and violent and I am glad to say that whilst I may be a catalyst for leaving because he loves me and wants to finally choose happiness for himself, I am absolutely not the cause. The marriage is at such a low that he knows it is destructive for his children to grow up in a household like that and that is why he is leaving.He has so far done everything by the books – told his parents about us (they are delighted), told her he wants a divorce, saw a lawyer last week and that should have made me feel better, which it did! However, since seeing the lawyer I know the realities of it all are setting in for him and he is in a bad way and becoming distant from me. I don’t think I am worried about him going back to her because it really is that bad (and if he did, perhaps it would be easier to get over it as he would be a fool) but I am more anxious and sad because I know he is going to go through such a long, awful and vicious battle with his wife who is not going to play nice in any area - and she cannot know about me through any of this.He has already started saying things to me such as ‘you are so young, free and beautiful you could be with anyone you want not a baggage-laden man’ and expressing fears that because we’ve never had loads of time to be a normal couple and even though he loves me so much, what if this divorce makes me realise I don’t actually want to be with him and what if I leave? I half worry he’ll let me go in a week’s time out of guilt and feeling overwhelmed with everything he is about to face and not wanting to put me through it, even though I have told him many times that I have weighed up all the realities and am both feet in and committed to go through this with him as much (or as little) as he wants me to be around.Leslie I know it sounds silly, but I’m sort of okay if I know where I am! If he’s broken up with me, I know how to move on with time. If he’s in the midst of a hideous battle but we are there for each other and both committed to each other in the midst of it all, I can continue in that role until it’s over (as I know it’s temporary). Right now, I guess he is just starting proceedings and he’ll be questioning everything relating to his choice regarding his family and possibly me being in his future (he’s said he wants to marry me etc) but I do wonder if a connection as deep as ours can sustain all that is to come. Him talking the way he did the other day ‘you deserve an easier life/i feel so guilty’ versus how he had spoken to me previously ‘I want to marry you when all this is over and you are truly my soul-mate’ is a hard switch and naturally, you can see where my nerves are coming from.I know you’ve already answered a lot here by mentioning the importance of self-care and faith in timing and the universe (so many friends are already flabbergasted at the timing of our reunion this time round so hey, that is something!) I’ve just never had such nervous, horrid energy and anxiety as I do at the moment as I feel like I’m bracing for the worst and the adrenaline/stress is dreadful.I look forward to your final thoughts, and thank you so much again.
Submitted: 8 months ago.Category: Relationship
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9/12/2017
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Counselor: Therapist Leslie, Counselor replied 8 months ago
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