Hello, it's good to hear from you.
It's understandable that you feel lost. Ending a relationship is always hard, no matter the reasons why it ends. Being able to tell if he is a narcissist or not is difficult without being able to meet him face to face. But there are sites and articles to help you sort out a reason for his behavior. Here are some to help you:
This may help you discover if you have narcissistic traits:
Seeing a therapist for an evaluation can help you know for sure if you suffer from narcissism. However, it is unlikely that you do since you are questioning your own behavior and your role in the relationship. Most narcissists are not insightful and do not question their own behavior or worry about being narcissistic.
Healing from a relationship can be a long process depending on many circumstances including your own coping mechanisms. There are ways to help you heal. One is to get support. That could be through therapy, online support groups or even reading all you can about relationships and narcissism. You can choose what you feel helps you most. Two is taking action such as writing a diary, exercising and taking care of yourself. Most of all, remember that healing takes time. Do not put pressure on yourself to conform to anyone's expectations, even your own.
Seeing him over and over at work is hard. It can keep the wounds open and may make healing more difficult. One thing you can do is to take the "gray rock" approach. Here is a guide to what that means:
This technique is used by those who cannot go "no contact" with their former partner. It helps keep you from getting hurt and helps you continue healing.
The question of why you put up with so much is often asked by many survivors of abusive relationships. Often, survivors feel they should have seen the abuse. They blame themselves for not acting sooner. But there was no reason for you to be looking for narcissistic behavior from your partner. And narcissistic partners are often masters at balancing just enough caring with selfish behavior. Try support groups with others who are in recovery from narcissistic relationships to help you work out your feelings around this question. There are many that share their experiences and will help you see you are not alone. Here are some groups to get you started:
I hope this has helped,