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Dr. Norman Brown
Dr. Norman Brown, Marriage Therapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1206
Experience:  Family Therapist & teacher 35+ yrs; PhD research in couples
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I only just meet a guy 4 months and I think I'm in love, we

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I only just meet a guy 4 months and I think I'm in love , we r mature people I'm scared I'm crazy and feeling like this cause it's early happy stages , but we both feel so good and have a great connection, am I in love ? Thanks
JA: The Psychologist will know what to do. Is there anything else important you think the Psychologist should know?
Customer: I think I'm in love
Customer: replied 2 months ago.
I would love to talk more but won't get back on till tonight is that ok ?

I'm also mature (74), newly in love (she's 72) and feel so good etc. It's normal to feel that good when you're newly in love, and over time (like 6months to 6 years) we usually discover that our great relationship isn't as great as it seemed to be at first. But you don't need an expert to tell you you're in love. In my experience (I was in a realistic/difficult/valuable/sometimes-happy marriage for over 30 years until last Labor Day when my wife died) perhaps the most surprising aspect of some new relationships -- and the aspect that can make you scared you're crazy to feel this way -- is what happens to you when all the negative signals that crop up in most relationships at around 4-6 months (or 9-12 months) just DON'T show up: Because there are significant features of your new couple interaction that are SO different from what has ever happened in your coupling before that it's "too good to be true." Too good, because your unconscious mind (probably cerebellum, where your relationship patterns are kept for duplication when you don't have time or conscious awareness to make quick decisions about how to respond or act in newButFairlyFamiliar situations) kicks in to cope with a less-than-pleasant interaction, BUT it doesn't happen and something pleasant and easy happens instead.

You ARE in fact "crazy" only because what you're experiencing and doing doesn't fit with your well oiled automatic programs for how to act, yet your life is proceeding swimmingly ANYWAY. Pretty amazing isn't it? Endlessly surprising. It could be either because you've lucked into a partnership in which your unconscious patterns just happen to work out great (which astrological charting could show--but who needs it?); OR because you're mature from learning by hard-earned experience how to manage so many of the usual ruts and pitfalls in relationships that what would have wrecked your progress 10 or 20 years ago now glides by without a bump or a grinding of gears.

There is also the matter of how much love and passionate energy you're generating between each other, like the charge developed by a two-person battery. That power can flatten many obstacles that might otherwise interfere with bliss. Sex, longing, and increasingly intimate acquaintanceship with each other's bodies, minds, emotions, histories and spiritual cravings all help build the energy that makes love a triumphant force for good on our planet.

If you want more commentary and discussion, please respond. Or I'll let you rate me and get back to your corner of Paradise without further ado. Your question comes at a very convenient time for me, because I'm living the same high wave as you are; and my new partner and I just keep laughing about how lucky we are, or Do we deserve this? Or how can we broadcast our happiness so that others can partake of it too--and how can we teach others to have such a good time with love as we're having (we're both semiretired professors)

Customer: replied 2 months ago.
Thanks for all your advice... I've never felt this before, I've definitely never felt this ... that's why I thought do I need someone to tell me , to just enjoy it , I want to tell him I love him but I'm scared .... he is something so special to me I'm so scared to scare him off , he is very independent and he did say to me he didn't like a woman to choke him or be clingy, we see each other 1-2 week, I miss him so much , he feels the same way , when we r together we don't let go of each other , he is 49 and I'm 44 , we both are stable working people , in control of our lives , now we have meet and he and myself need to learn to adjust , call me stupid or in la la land but I feel like I'm definitely fallen in love with him , I'm scared but so so happy. I'm so happy for u too , by the way , and my condolences for your late wife , I'm hoping to stay in contact with u so u can help me to feel confident and not be clingy, but my dear ***** has taken my breath away ... I adore him , thanks for listening to me it means a lot to me
Regards Josephine

It's Harder to Trust what you have when you are younger than we are and have both built separate and apparently self-sufficient lives. WE know that if we pass on what we have together we could die without being able to take advantage of the ticket we've both bought for the ride of a lifetime (I thought I'd already had a lifetime with great benefits as well as considerable suffering). So If you want to be more comfortable with trusting your luck, and even become prepared to take on any possible bumps in your road, you could furnish me with your own and your partner's birthtime and birthplace. I could then cast a special astrological chart for what the strengths, challenges and good & bad luck of your relationship would be -- it's like a child that's been born of the two of you merging your lives together, even if they don't merge completely because you're inclined to accentuate your independence as well as your ecstatic bliss of being together. I would offer this as premium service for an additional fee, cast the charts, and scan and send as email attachments anywhere from 5 to 15 pages of readings that will be astonishingly accurate and valid for the duration of your relationship. But I can't do this work until this Friday or later, because my disabled daughter is leaving N Calif for Los Angeles tomorrow, and I'm going to get to spend almost 3 days at my partner's house 45min away in Santa Cruz. I've never been able to spend the night there, because I have to take care of my daughter (age 29, disabled in chronic pain for 19 years already), so I have to sleep here at home (where my astroprogram resides on my desktop computer.)

You are right that what goes up (new love's fireworks) must come down, and that's already happening with my coupling, because we see each other around 4-5 days a week and she sleeps here 2 or even 3 of those nights. But the relationship composite chart will show what the long term as well as the short term has in store for you. So, at the risk of gaining a more realistic assessment of your coupledom, you'll be able to trust in how good you have it as well as being more realistic about the future. If Andrew wouldn't like astrology, just tell him you'd like to play around with it. If you don't like astrology (the 3 wise men in the Christ-birth story were astrologers who knew someone important was about to be born), then ignore my offer, and just accept my expertise on the basis of 2 PhDs, with the second one being almost completely focused on couple relationships, for the purpose of writing a textbook on Love & Intimate Relationships (available on Amazon under my name, Norman Brown) and 21 years teaching about those relationships plus 44 years learning and practicing psychotherapy focused on adult and couple therapy.

Customer: replied 2 months ago.
I'm looking into stupid things , this is where I need your help , he has been home early why didn't he text me , I seem to text all the time , maybe I'm expecting to much , my last partner texted me a lot I think that's what I'm used to , and I just texted him saying " I miss u " his answer was " nice " my heart drops when used answers like that , but I have this gut feeling that he does like me , but I get down when I think auger what about if he think I'm over clingy , as u can see doctor I'm an over worried person , and I have to not worry do much , he has involved me in his life a lot , I haven't meet his family yet , but he has invited me to a lot of work functions coming up , also he has invited me to New Zealand in December with him , which is lovely, but I'm sitting here wondering why didn't he text me or call me today cause he was home ???? Am I being a silly girl , I should just tell him Andrew I have fallen in love with u , but I'm so scared to do it
Regards Josephine

Josephine, the problem with texting is that it's too insistent on immediate response, and it interrupts whatever the receiver of the text was doing at the time. So texting needs to be regulated (with agreed on rules) so you don't expect more than the other person is comfortable providing (esp in such a short time between receiving a text and responding to it). It's best to arrange to set up particular times when you expect a reply, and when you will give a reply yourself--and realize that the differences in your habits and his in giving and receiving texts could actually wreck your relationship, because feelings get hurt by both TOO MUCH and TOO LITTLE texting, so you MUST set up rules to keep your feelings from bouncing off the walls due to this electronic invasion of your privacy.

Dr. Norman Brown and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 2 months ago.
Should I tell him I am falling in love?
Customer: replied 2 months ago.
I'm really wanting too but absolutely scared of his answers
Customer: replied 2 months ago.
I'm frightened of rejection and I'm certain his got strong feelings for me but still not sure , his been alone 6 yrs , and I've come along his really happy but his so independent, I've asked him about Saturday night his coming home from interstate, I said to him I will pick him up from airport, his so happy that I even thought of it but feels hard to except offer , where I would put red carpet for him at airport, I'm crazy aren't I
Regards Josephine