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My stay at home husband who I support constantly text me and…

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my stay at home husband...
my stay at home husband who I support constantly text me and calls me and interrogates me of where I'm at right now what I'm doing right now and getting into a huge argument with him even though he tracks me with OnStar. I'm always working and paying bills and taking care of everything. then he wants to turn it around on me and say "I'm sorry I love you and miss you want you to come home". How do I win this argument? how do I stop him from trying to turn around and guilt trip me for him "just caring about me"when really he's insulting me insinuating that I'm doing something I'm not a put me down for not being with my family right now etc
Submitted: 6 months ago.Category: Relationship
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Answered in 31 minutes by:
8/18/2017
Counselor: DrJackiePhD, Doctor replied 6 months ago
DrJackiePhD
DrJackiePhD, Doctor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 378
Experience: I have been doing research in relational/interpersonal communication since 1998. My Ph.D. is in interpersonal communication.
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I'm Dr. Jackie, a trained interpersonal communication professor, relational expert, and behavioral therapist. Do you want to talk on the phone or chat here? Or I can just send you my thoughts and go from there?

First, I'm so sorry you are dealing with so much. Any relationship takes work. But when you add stress and lot of conflict, it is exceptionally hard.

Your question, "How do I win this argument" is intriguing in that--I am sure it's rhetorical. But I am wondering if it is about winning? I'm sure you know the old saying--Do you want to be right, or do you want to be happy?"

All of that aside, you are in the same boat that many men are in when their wives start to think they are doing something wrong when they not home immediately after work or not where they are supposed to be. It is actually disturbing that he tracks you. Have you ever cheated on him or lied about something serious? If so, then he may have a reason for being so needy that the neediness has turned to controlling. But even if you have done this in the past, if you are going to stay together, both of you have to trust each other. Trust in no way means tracking the other person! If you have not done anything to enable his need to know where you are every second, then it just drives home all the more that he needs some counseling/therapy to deal with this. This is NOT HEALTHY. And the more he pushes to try to control you, the more you are going to push back. Then it's like oil and water all of the time.

I can make better suggestions if you can tell me a bit more about his need for controlling you. Usually this is learned behavior. Was one of his parents like this or someone close to him while growing up? My gut tells me yes, and he is modeling this because it's familiar to him. Another theory is that a parent or someone close to him abandoned him while young and impressionable. The result is the same--trying to latch hold of someone (you) so tightly so that you don't one day leave him. Ironically, he is pushing you away by the very actions he uses to try to hold you.

What are your thoughts? I hope to help you have a better understanding so that you can move forward. And the hope is to get both of you into therapy--separately for different reasons (you to learn to cope with this if you are staying in the marriage and of course his issues--and then joint marital counseling.

--Dr. Jackie

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Customer reply replied 6 months ago
He still there right now
Customer reply replied 6 months ago
Sorry was supposed to say are you still there
Counselor: DrJackiePhD, Doctor replied 6 months ago

I am sorry--I was waiting for you to answer the questions so that I could better help you. :)

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Customer reply replied 6 months ago
I have been a faithful wife and even though he has cheated on me 60 + times I still remain faithful. Sometimes he says that he wouldn't blame me if I did or that he expects me to since he did. He lies to me about everything from the color of his shirt to if he took the money from my purse. I work a lot and pay for everything so I don't have a lot of time to do house work but my husband is home most of the time and he just sits on ass. So I pay someone to clean the house for me. As a child his parents separated when he was 2 yrs old but then his mom re married a wonderful man when he was 4 and is still married to him today.
When I ask Jason to take out the trash or put away the laundry he doesn't do it. When I come home I bitch about it and he quickly throws something else in there to deflect the argument and then continues to change the argument even saying things that aren't true which really pisses me off
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