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Since the last time I messaged you things have gotten very…

For Therapist Jen.Since the last...
For Therapist Jen.Since the last time I messaged you things have gotten very confusing. Not long after we last spoke he sent me a message it's easier for me to copy the message so that you can read for yourself. With reference to Guaro in the text that is where we moved as I told you before I moved out of the house and his message stayed he was carrying on at the house but with his family. This is the message. Jo, I hope you can understand all this I want to tell you, I love you the same as the first day I saw you, as I told you I have always loved you and I will always love you, you are the love of my life. I have never loved anyone like this, and of course I am in love with you. As I said I hope you understand that it is not love, I can not love more than I feel for you, I hope that you and I will be together, but now is not the time, I have a huge "backpack" On my back full of a lifetime of experiences that for good or ill I have to handle as best I can, and it is not easy.
Now I'm moving with the whole family to Guaro. You have to understand that it is very difficult for me too, I do feel like your twin "twin" and I know how much it hurts.
I can not imagine my life without you in it, you are in my mind always, I want to hug you, kiss you. You are part of me. I do not know how to do it.
I miss you.
I see you.
I love you.After that things went very quiet as I needed to try to move forward. Since then I got a new job and new career which he saw a pic of me on fb with picture of me posted from my bosses welcoming me. He then messaged me the following day saying how happy he was for me and how beautiful I looked basically since I have started to move forward with my job and become happier in myself and he has clearly sensed this as he has contacted me regularly since last Friday in fact it has been everyday telling me how much he misses me that he loves me and can't stop thinking about me I have been very cool and sometimes even not responded to his messages. He messaged me over the weekend which I ignored as I had not been online most of weekend and as soon as I came online Monday morning he messaged me straightaway saying same sort of thing and hoped that I had enjoyed my weekend. I didn't message him back straight away as I was online with my boss so by the time I went in to the message he had gone offline I just blew a kiss nothing more which is quite normal for how we have ended messages. He then messaged me again Tuesday sending me quotes about thinking of me day and night then another saying I was his hearts true desire. I just sent back after a while saying shame you let me go. Yesterday was first day he didn't message then this morning he messaged again saying have a good day beautiful day I love you I didn't answer. I'm so confused by all this I don't know what to think could he be genuine or is he just playing games by me not answering him I thought that would stop him from messaging me. I just don't understand. Sorry for the essay but so much has happened I wanted you to know it all so you could give me a proper opinion. Thanks
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Answered in 19 minutes by:
8/17/2017
TherapistJen
TherapistJen, LCSW, CPC
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 3,828
Experience: Licensed Clinical Social Worker
Verified

I am sure he is missing you and still loving you but if nothing has changed and he can't be with you now then these messages are not appropriate and only serve to fill his needs and feelings....if these messages are an entry back into the relationship then that's great but if not, it will only pull at your heartstrings and leave you where you have already been...without him.

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Customer reply replied 10 months ago
But is there a way I can find this out. By not answering him when he messages me am I doing the right thing if he's not looking to come back to the relationship. I mean might he just stop messaging me and then realize I'm trying to move on and be strong?

I would simply say to him you love him but unless these messages indicate his desire to return to the relationship then they are not something you desire to receive.

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Customer reply replied 10 months ago
I wrote this lastnight I have not sent it but it's how I feel I can only be true to myself. I guess a part of me is afraid to ask outright if he is interested in returning to the relationship. I thought by sending this i would have an answer in an indirect way if that even makes sense. Luigi, I hope you are well and that you are happy. I am good the job is going well and very challenging which I love. You are always in my mind, the places I go the people I meet. My life is already changing so much in such a short time which I am excited about but I also feel sad that you are no longer in it to share it all with. It's crazy to think 2 months ago we were moving into our house together and now you are living in it with your family. As I said before time is going by so fast. Our lives are going in such different directions now. I hope it will all start to get easier soon it is a healer also so they say....

If that works for you then I support it, but my two cents is that it keeps the dynamic alive and will not provide any answers...just more texts when he needs it.

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Customer reply replied 10 months ago
The other thing is if he was happy and things were really working out would he even be messaging me I think not...

It is all based on what he needs without regard to you...

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Customer reply replied 10 months ago
What he needs? How do you mean

when he misses you and needs to connect he does and that is in direct contradiction to him telling you that you can't be together...in simple terms...selfish

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Customer reply replied 10 months ago
it doesn't matter to him that I ignore his messages?

Doesn't seem to does it

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Customer reply replied 10 months ago
Which proves that he is not being genuine?
Customer reply replied 10 months ago
I just don't know how I'm going to find out if he's being true or not...

yes its genuine...those are his feelings but it isn't the right thing to do to say he can't be with you but then text you with those arm feelings when it hits him and then you can't do anything about it.

I gave you a suggestion above...its simple and to the point.

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Customer reply replied 10 months ago
I guess I just expected more of him he's 54 15 years older than me a father and grandfather he's acting very immature not grown up at all in my opinion. He made his decision and he should stand by it and let me move on it's not fair to dangle the we can't be together now but there will be a right time card it's just not fair of him.

So let him know what you want and if he can't give it then you know and can move on.

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Customer reply replied 10 months ago
Being direct scares me stupid i know but it does but I guess it's the only way I'm going to know...

I understand that very much. Do what feels right for you but from my expertise I can tell you that if you don't things will remain like this. Good luck with it and I wish you the best with all of it.

Jen

TherapistJen
TherapistJen, LCSW, CPC
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 3,828
Experience: Licensed Clinical Social Worker
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