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I have a friend who is not quite so friendly anymore. What…

I have a friend who...
I have a friend who is not quite so friendly anymore. What should I do?
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Answered in 53 minutes by:
8/16/2017
CounselorJules
CounselorJules, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 827
Experience: Licensed Professional Counselor
Verified

Hi,I'm Jules, a LPC,I am reviewing your relationship question now. Maybe share some history with me about the details of what is going on. Maybe I can further help you :)

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Customer reply replied 10 months ago
We had a little feud around two months ago. After which, he and I are not buddies. Then, I totally lost it. I had anxiety attacks. I called him 50 times in a row.
Customer reply replied 10 months ago
It was quite a deal breaker between us. I then gave him a bit of space. After two weeks, I contacted him again. However, things are not like before.

I can tell that this relationship is very important to you. I am glad that you have been able to communicate with him even after all of the complications in the past. I think that your panic was likely related to what we call the "bargaining" stage after we begin grieving a situation. During the bargaining stage, we do tend to panic, overreact, or become hypervigilant about "fixing" the situation. I am not trying to rationalize or justify your actions because it sounds like you recognize that it may have been a bit harmful in the moment, but I am basically "normalizing" your reactions for you. I don't want you to overthink what happened and then it feel like it all came back to that situation. I would encourage you to communicate with him about what happened and simply share that you have had the opportunity to gain insight into the situation and recognize how everything occurred. You can look at the falling out you had as an opportunity to change interactions or simply better care for the friendship. I think also, after any wound, physical or emotional, it simply takes some time to heal. I think that the more positive interactions that you have with someone, the closer the relationship becomes. I also think that you demonstrating that stability in who you are and demonstrating insight will make a difference in the friendship. I once heard a quote and it said, "feuds are never about hate; feuds are about hurt." So, clearly there was some pain behind the feud and this led to the reactivity that took place. My encouragement is that you continue to simply be the kind of friend to him that you would like for him to be for you. I think that the relationship will heal and actions will be more reciprocal, but it does take time :)

CounselorJules
CounselorJules, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 827
Experience: Licensed Professional Counselor
Verified
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