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My boyfriend and I have been together for about 14 months…

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My boyfriend and I have...
My boyfriend and I have been together for about 14 months and I am in the process of moving in with him. Overall our relationship is great, he treats me very well and is very considerate. But he has chronic pain and occasionally when it is exceptionally bad and I get on his nerves at that moment, he will snap at me. I am a very sensitive person and when he does this, especially if I feel that he was being unfair or irrational it hurts me and I don't quite know how to just "take it" and move on. I don't typically have a problem getting past disagreements where a conversation ensues and ultimately we come to an understanding. In those situations I usually manage to keep him calm and get him to talk it out until it's resolved. But when he occasionally just snaps at me and blurts out a rude statement like "Can you be quiet!!", I usually wait silently about 30 seconds and calmly leave the room, go into the bedroom and watch TV until I go to bed. I do this to keep my dignity and let him know that I don't feel his behavior was acceptable. How can I just sit there after that? Theoretically I suppose it should just blow over, but I feel hurt, kind of pout to myself, he often doesn't apologize, and I don't know how to move on. I don't like to be childish but I don't feel that I should just act like it was okay, although he may not even realize he hurt my feelings. How can I handle these things maturely without pushing for an apology and possibly starting an argument over something that was probably a non-issue? This is the first long term relationship either of us has been in for many years, so we are both out of practice with this stuff. We have really only had a few actual arguments and each time his initial reaction was to walk away and I have to convince him to talk, and each time I feel that our relationship has gotten stronger afterward. But I don't want to make everything into an issue either. I feel that after his little "snaps" he takes his cues from me. If I act normally a while later, or the next day, he responds accordingly. But if I stay silent, so does he. Maybe just to give me space. This has happened 3 or 4 times and I want to better equip myself going forward. Please advise.
Submitted: 1 year ago.Category: Relationship
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Answered in 6 hours by:
8/4/2017
Counselor: John-Michaels, Counselor (LPC) replied 1 year ago
John-Michaels
John-Michaels, Counselor (LPC)
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 981
Experience: 25+ years helping resolve relational issues.
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I would say your response are the moment is commendable. This is not the time to discuss it. He is hurting and irritable, while you are hurt and offended. Silence and delegation are a good response.I do believe it needs to be addressed though, just not in the heat of the battle.Pick a time when he is in the mood to talk and inform him how this makes you feel. Tell him you understand it is his pain talking, but at a minimum an apology would be in order.Give the talk a chance. If it doesn't do the job, let your actions speak. Your actions can be whatever you choose, but I favor the silent treatment. Do not respond to him until he sincerely apologizes.Does that make sense?
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Counselor: CounselorJules, Counselor replied 1 year ago
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