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John-Michaels
John-Michaels, Counselor (LPC)
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 663
Experience:  25+ years helping resolve relational issues.
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My depressed partner is unsure about the relationship, so he

Customer Question

Hi there! My depressed partner is unsure about the relationship
JA: The Psychologist will know what to do. Please tell me everything you can so the Psychologist can help you best.
Customer: so he broke up with me in July as he felt tired of the relationship -- we were fighting over the stupidest things and he was simply exhausted
JA: Is there anything else the Psychologist should be aware of?
Customer: things were actully getting rocky for us ever since we started our internship last sept. He didnt like his company, was under alot of stress and he had a lot of financial issues to settle as well. That being said, this caused him to snap at me easily -- and he was never one to take his tempers out at me. He became less understanding, and even jokes could get him angry easily. he lost his motivation to do work, and was always tired all the time, and every time we met, he was just getting work done. And this made me feel as if he didnt want to spend time with me. After speaking with him more after the break up, he finally admitted that he has depression. and he told me that he's unsure of the relationship. He does love me, but is not capable of havin a reltionship now and i just feel so hurt because this is the same guy who wanted to make things work no matter what we were in a relationship for 2 years broke up in May he does have his low periods, and he opened up to me about his worthlessness and low self esteem however, he seems to be perfectly fine when he's out with his friends he tends to push me away sometimes we have recently spoken about the relationship, and he has finally agreed to receive help with regards ***** ***** depression okie dokes
Submitted: 2 months ago.
Category: Relationship
Customer: replied 2 months ago.
he finally agreed that he still loves me, and doesnt want me to be with anyone else, but he wants to sort himself out before getting into a relationship -- he feels he cant handle a relationship now. but he's been more open and affectionate towards me. we hold hands, kiss and he does call me babe -- he always pays for our dates too. but he doesnt want to call what we have dating...when it seems to be clearly that
Customer: replied 2 months ago.
could it be that he's pressured by labels? does depression do this to people?
Expert:  John-Michaels replied 2 months ago.
depression can cause all kinds of relationship problems. It can also be used as an excuse though. It sounds to me he wants the best of both worlds. He wants the security you are there for him but the freedom to do whatever he pleases. I may be wrong, but I am guessing he wants that freedom for himself but not for you. I know you care for him and do t want to lose him, but it looks kind of one side right now. I suggest you give him exactly what he is asking for. Tell him you are, out respect for his desire for freedom, going to start seeing other men. Honestly, a break might be good for you. Most likely he is going to throw a fit. Either that, or he is going to let you go. Either way, you will see where you stand. Does that make sense to you?
Customer: replied 2 months ago.
but what about the depression bit? i do get where you are coming from, that it could be an excuse. but he just seems to be a totally different person from before..and hes going through so much, how can i just leave him alone
Customer: replied 2 months ago.
he did keep telling me to move on, saying that its unfair to me because he feels he's holding him back -- but later on he accepted that deep down he doesnt want me to be with someone else, and to ideally be with him
Expert:  John-Michaels replied 2 months ago.
If he is depressed, he needs to reach out to you instead of pushing you away. What he is doing though is very natural. We tend to run from that which we need the most. The problem is, as long as he can keep you around at a distance, he feels no motivation to better himself. I.e. You are enabling his depression. You need to draw the line. Either he makes effort to improve or you are moving on. Love must be tough!