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Dr. Mark
Dr. Mark, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 5334
Experience:  Dr. Mark is a PhD in psychology helping with relationships
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My girlfriend and I were great the past 5 months until last

Customer Question

Hello. I am Anthony. My girlfriend and I were great the past 5 months until last month. About a month ago she told me she needed some space because we see each other a lot and I was smothering her. I work with her so it is hard not to see her. As time went on, we never really got a chance to give each other space because of work. Now she she does know if she wants a relationship anymore and wants a break from our relationship. She said her feelings have changed and that she does not want to try. But we sat down to talk about it yesterday and the short version is that she wants to try but she wants to fix some issues with herself and then see if we can try again. We agreed on staying together but with space and time. I don't know what to do or how to act. I just want to be the same way we were before. What do I do?
Submitted: 2 months ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dr. Mark replied 2 months ago.

Hi, this is Dr. Mark; I'll be glad to help you with this issue.
I can imagine how frustrating and heartwreching this situation must be for you. You want things to be the way they were before but that is exactly what she does not want.

And this is actually the key to my answer to you that you need to consider and think about. I wish there was a way to get her to want things to be the way they were, but we can't. She feels there need to be changes, and it sounds as though she wants to make changes in herself as well as in the relationship. And that the changes in herself she wants to make are more important to her than the relationship at this time.

So, you're in the situation where you can't get to how things were before because it's not in your control; you're only one half of the relationship and you can only control yourself and your behavior. She controls herself and her behavior and she's moved on to other needs in her life than what you two had before. She has moved on to recognizing there are changes she wants to make that are more important to her than what you two had going.

It's so hard to not be down when something is so good for you but you can't have it. I know because I was young once also and had things not go my way in relationships also. And because in my profession I help so many people, both men and women, go through this painful situation:

You know it's right for you and it's so painful to not have her see that it could be so right for her as well. But you can't. So, you have to accept that you're in a new situation now and you have to play it her way or she will call it off. It's not easy but you can do it if you stay hopeful.

Okay, I wish you the very best!

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Expert:  Dr. Mark replied 1 month ago.

Hi, Anthony. I'm checking in to see if the reply was helpful or if you need more follow up. I would be very interested in hearing back from you on whether you thought my response was helpful or if we need to continue with further discussion. My goal is for you to feel like you've gotten Great Service from me and the site. If we need to continue the discussion for that to happen, then please feel free to reply and we'll continue working on this. If the answer has given you the help you need, please remember to give a rating of 5(Great Service) or 4 (Informative and helpful), or even 3 (Got the job done)button. This will make sure that I am credited for the answer.
Thanks,
Dr. Mark