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Ask TherapistMaryAnn Your Own Question
TherapistMaryAnn, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 5808
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
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MaryAnn, I have been dating my boyfriend for almost 8 months

Customer Question

Hi MaryAnn,I have been dating my boyfriend for almost 8 months now and there has been no sign of the L word whatsoever. I feel as if I am ready to say it but have gotten no indication that he is on the same page. I feel as if he should be the one to say it first and I don't want to take that away from him. He is definitely more of an actions speak louder than words kind of guy. I know patience is a virtue when it comes to relationships but I'm starting to get nervous that its never going to happen. Lately, he has been more open with his emotions, asking about 5 year plans, told me he has fallen for me. Both of us have had rocky relationships in our past and I'm afraid that could be holding him back now. What is the best way to approach this issue? And is there anything I can do to help take away some of his potential nerves?
Submitted: 6 months ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  TherapistMaryAnn replied 6 months ago.

Hello, and thank you for requesting my help.

If he feels actions over words are more important, that could be why he hasn't mentioned love to you. That doesn't mean he doesn't feel it though. That plus the fact that he has been more open with you and talked about the future, along with how he has fallen for you says a lot. He may not be ready to say "love" yet, but he sounds close if not there already. At this point, since he has not said the word and it is important to you that he does, his behavior gives you two choices. You can either ask him directly about his feelings or you can let him take his time and tell you and see the signs he has given you so far as step in that direction. Neither option is exactly what you want, but relationships often require that we be open to expressing our needs in circumstances we didn't expect. Because everyone comes into a relationship with issues, it is often hard to match up with the ideal of what we want from what we get from our partner. So you may simply need to pick which option you are willing to try and what works best for you to get what you need from him. But from what you are describing, he sounds like your relationship is definitely moving towards love, if it's not already there.

I hope this helps you,

Mary Ann

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