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My girlfriend recently asked for space but still wants to be…

My girlfriend recently asked...

My girlfriend recently asked for space but still wants to be in a relationship. Last Tuesday she tagged me in a facebook post about an event tomorrow on a topic that I am interested in. It's from 4 to 7 but I'm thinking I should be done in an hour or so. Then last Friday I got a notification that she is attending a Christmas Party for young professionals in our town. She hasn't told me about what she's doing only says that she has plans tomorrow evening. I'm not understanding why she can't tell me that she's going to this networking party if we are still in a relationship?

Expert's Assistant: The Psychologist will know what to do. Is there anything else the Psychologist should be aware of?

I do acknowledge that I have been smothering her but it's because she doesn't show me much affection which makes me do more. We haven't been intimate in a month and it just sex no foreplay because she has to be in the mood for foreplay. I love her and I'm willing to go with out sex because I only want to be with her. She has three kids and I don't have any

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Answered in 4 minutes by:
12/7/2016
Dr.G.
Dr.G., Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1,570
Experience: Licensed Psychologist
Verified

Hi there. Maybe I can help. It sounds like she has some assumptions about what the relationship should look like that maybe she has not conveyed to you. She may be just trying to get a little independence if you have been smothering her. However, without knowing what she is thinking about the status of your relationship, we can be sitting here guessing all day. I think after the event tomorrow then you take her out to a quiet restaurant or coffee house and get some answers. You can ask her questions about her feelings and thoughts about the two of you and see if there is common ground. If it is a friendship she wants then what are those expectations. If it is a monogamous relationship then what are those expectations. I think the sooner you get these answers the better you will feel.

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Customer reply replied 1 year ago
Well I was living with her for a year. Helping her with her kids because I wanted to help and because I love her. I try not to text her all the time but it's hard when you go from living with someone for a year to not seeing her except maybe on the weekends. We work at the same company so I try not to bother her at work. I asked her last night while we were eating if I could take the kids out to get her Christmas presents while she is at this party and she said that would be fine. She is trying to get her business up and running so I'm trying to use that as the reason for going, but if that the reason why can't she tell me?

I can't guess why she won't tell you. Maybe it is harmless and thinks it is no big deal. The question is why won't you ask her?

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Customer reply replied 1 year ago
I guess I'm afraid if I ask her then she will get upset and say that I'm stalking her. Some of my other friends are invited to the same event. Should I say that I noticed that she was going and that I hope it helps to promote her business?

You can say you know about the event and if she heard about it.

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Customer reply replied 1 year ago
I mean honestly I'm not upset just confused as to why she wouldn't let me know. I have never and will never keep anything from her. I love this woman too much to hurt her by keeping secrets.
Customer reply replied 1 year ago
Her facebook page says we are still a couple so guess I can use your advice

I understand. You helped her out a lot. And she still wants a relationship. Now it is just a matter of clarifying some details. And as far as the business event, just let her know that it is happening and wondering if she knew about it. It is harmless.

Dr.G.
Dr.G., Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1,570
Experience: Licensed Psychologist
Verified
Dr.G. and 87 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
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Customer reply replied 1 year ago
I'm feeling better already. Thanks Dr. G. Have a nice Christmas!
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