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Oh okay, I have an ex who broke up with me for no reason..i…

I have an ex...

I have an ex who broke up with me for no reason..i asked her what happened..said she feels am not right for her.just a feeling she has and wants break..she has in mind but pretends to me and. Now she is done..i asked her what did i do or why will she be having doubt there has to be a reason she said no reason just doubts then she said things on past she forgave me about or things she complauned about which I fixed and i told her and she just said she has no reason and i am forcing her to give me a reason and has no reason and wants a break up and i should. Not contact her no more and we see how things go

Expert's Assistant: Is there anything else the Psychologist should be aware of?

So after 8weeks she contacted me..text msg saying she heard that i cheated on her during our relationship and all..i never responded at 1st then the nxt day i responded its been almost 2months we done..so i told her i knew the girl..we had drinks twice..one time in jan and one in august and that was it..1st time in jan i was newly dating my ex and 2nd hangout i told the gurl i had a gf..but we jst hung out..she said the girl said i was pushy and all..so she she said i should not have gone on date with her because she never went out with. No man when we dated and if i shd tell her.i told her i always told her when women hit on me but this one i never told her cuz i can handle it.she said it was wrong of me and she calls that cheating even if we did not have sex.thebfact i went and i was caught..i told her am not perfectly sorry my actions hurt her and asked me how i met her i said online..she said she went college with the gurl and saw my pic on her facebook and asked how she knows me and she told her eveything..so she said i made her feel so bad after we broke up and she was guilty and could not sleep and always praying and was thinking of getting back with me and now she heard this i cheated during relationship and this hurts her and she was crying and i explained myself but she said its all about trust and i said well i dont like the gurl nd not attracted to her..she said so why did i meet up..she said did she not treat me right or good..i said yes she did so because i went i am sorry my actions..she now said well we no more together and this should not matter..but she keeps crying on phone and saying with this she dont think she can come back to me and all.....so we eneded the convi..but we brokem up like 2months..this should not be an issue..she was just to let go no matter what it is..we broke up before what she heard and all..why she bothering me cus of that and crying she hurt and telling me she was thinking of coming back and all and now its harder..so after 1week..i text her and apologised for my actioms to meet with the girl and sorry she was hurt and let her know we had no sex just drinks..and it was twice..jan one time and august one time..thats it...she never responded back..i called her she did not respond my calls as well..so i left her alone..its been 6weeks after that now..so am just confused..whats going on and whats her state of mind etc.

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Customer reply replied 1 year ago
She even said she was going to see the girl and ask more question and all..but she never told me what the girl told her tho..she said even if i had no intentions but the fact we met on dating and went with her shows am interested but i told her i told her i have a gf and was aware..so we just had drinks and that it..we dont even talk everyday.she text me twice and we just had drinks..not that i was meetimg her up everyweek or so..jan and august..so i asked her she calls that cheating..but why does that matter now i wander when we are no more she contacted me from no where to talk about that and all..why cant she let go..as she has moved on or otherwise..she asked me did i tell the girl i was gonna marry her..i said i did not tell her anything like that..just causal drinks and all..she just said its all about trust now and with this it gives her an excuse and reason to break up with me because when she did she bad no reason and was guilty and now this makes it impossible to come back to me and said she has an advise for me that when i date another woman i should not meet up with any woman behind for a drink or so and all..she cried and hung up on me..but after one week i said sorry i met up with the girl and tried calling her..i feel this should not be an isaue as we are no mpre but she makes it a big deal..i guess she blocked my number and i left her voicemail..she never responded..its beem 6weeks now..so what do you suggest i do at this time?is she still interested in a relationship with me?is there a possibility of her coming back as she said she was hurt?has she not moved on to another man etc
Customer reply replied 1 year ago
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Customer reply replied 1 year ago
Does that mean she will never come back to me despite the fact she broke up with me for no reason and 2months after heard that i hung out with another girl..does she want to accuse me of it and no come back as she as well said she heard this after the break up and should not matter but she sure brought it up cuz it matters..is there any possibility of her moving on after that ahe heard or possibility of coming back..i am just confused here..what do you feel about the situation etc..
Answered in 14 hours by:
12/5/2016
Therapist Leslie
Therapist Leslie, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 445
Experience: Owner and Psychotherapist at Self-Employed, Private Practice
Verified

Good afternoon and thank you so much for your message. I realize it's difficult to reach out. Please know I honor your courage.

My name is ***** ***** I am a psychotherapist in the Metro Boston area of the United States.

Thank you so much for your message. Hum...I can understand why you are baffled by this. From what you said, I get the sense, she initially broke things off because she felt something wasn't right in the relationship but wasn't quite sure what it was. I get the sense she wasn't happy but couldn't really put it all into words. Since finding out about the other woman you had drinks with, she is now pinning the end of the relationship on this when it sounds like she found out about this after the fact.

It sounds like you both are still interested in each other and there is potential for attempting a relationship in the future. If she is not with another guy, I could approach her gently, letting her know you are interested in her and only her. Let her know you are very sorry you hurt her and that this was not your intention and that moving forward you will be a better man for her. Move very slowing and perhaps start with a friendship as she will need some time to regain trust.

This is sadly all you can do at this point. It's certainly worth a try as you seem invested in her and still have strong feelings.

I wish you all the best and will be cheering you on!

Have I answered your question? Is there anything else I can do to assist you further? I want to ensure you are pleased with my service. I also gently request you provide a star rating for me. Of course, we can continue to talk after the rating is provided.

Please take good care of yourself and feel free to contact me with any questions you may have.

Warm regards,

Therapist Leslie

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Customer reply replied 1 year ago
Oh well thanks for your response i appreciate that here so much...so how do i start to talk to her?i text her 6weekw ago and called my num was going voicemail i felt i was blocked by her and all..so there is no way to communicate with her and all as of now..unless she reaches out to me..is there any possiblity she may reach out?and i am not sure if she is dating someone now or not....but if she never wanted to come back she should not tell me and. Ow she said its hard and all with these..so what do i need to do now since i cant even talk to her?how will she regain my trust when i cant talk to her and all..
Customer reply replied 1 year ago
This is a girl we was supposed to get married...she knows all my family and i as well knows all her family..we have plans and all..we have done a whole lot and wants to throw all that away just like that cuz i met up a gir twice for drinks and all...why cant she understand my own point..we never had sex and all..like work to resolve it and all..i know she is hurt..why cant we talk it over and all..and we been broke up 2months this came up..why did ahe just conclude its all over..why not give a 2nd chance etc..everyone deserves that you know..we never had no issues while dating..no problems..i was caring..loving and all..until she broke up with no reason which she never told me..so what you feel i should do now?leave her alone..

I know, sweet soul, I believe everyone deserves second changes as well. I wish she did but perhaps what happened was something unforgivable for her. She viewed what you did as cheating as you sought out this other woman--even if nothing happened. I think many women would agree with you but just wished things were different between the two of you.

Since she is not speaking with you and has seemed to block you on social media and phone, I might write her a letter than I mail or give to one of her family members to give her. This truly would be my last ditch effort and would write something thoughtful and extremely apologetic. Hopefully she will read your letter and reach out to you.

I am so sorry as you seem to love her immensely. : (

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Customer reply replied 1 year ago
Well i did sent her a text msg after a week she called to tell me what she heard but was not sure if she got my text or not...i called to confirm and seem my calls was voicemail...and even when she called i tols her on phone..i am sorry for my actions as well but was angry and crying and all saying its trust and i cheated and got caught..said yes no sex butvits cheating t her...so you still want me to say sorry again in a letter?or what kind of message do you thinking i should write her?her birthday is ***** week tho..can i send her gift with the way things are or just cards?what do you feel?
Customer reply replied 1 year ago
All these was like 6weeks ago..been a while tho...
Customer reply replied 1 year ago
How do i provide your rating..can youbtell me what to do?

Ahhh, I do think her Birthday is ***** perfect opportunity to send a nice card saying, "Wishing you an amazing Birthday. I miss you and would love to catch up soon." Please do not send a gift as I fear it will be too overwhelming. If she does decide to meet you and catch up, it would be nice to bring some flowers. Does this all feel comfortable?

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Yes, I realize it's been awhile. I am so sorry. I imagine your heart is absolutely broken . Please send the Birthday card as your last ditch effort.

If you'd like to provide a rating, just click on the stars above. Thanks so much.

Therapist Leslie
Therapist Leslie, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 445
Experience: Owner and Psychotherapist at Self-Employed, Private Practice
Verified
Therapist Leslie and 87 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
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Customer reply replied 1 year ago
Well to be honest with you i already got some flowers and gifts and cards for her today after work...lol.....i spent money on that already...how will it be overwhelming?she will not like it or may not accept it..
I will be sending tp her home by post as i have her addresa tho..so what do you feel?

Ahhhh, you are ten steps ahead of me! haha! I hope she is o.k. with it and not feeling like it's too pushy...I guess that is what I meant by overwhelming. This is truly the ultimate test. You will very quickly know her feelings for you as she will certainly respond to your gifts. Please keep me posted!!!!

Thank you so much for your kind rating. I am very appreciative.

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Customer reply replied 1 year ago
i had to do that just once for the last time..since am not sure she got my txt apology msg..so i got all for her and mostly happy birthday and gift cards loaded for restaurants shopping and all and a big rose flower...yes we will see..ill keep you updated on how it all goes..thanks for your concern..time and responses in a timmely manner..i appreciate you here very much...Merci

Wow! You are incredibly generous! Ohhhh, I'm crossing my fingers and toes for you. Please keep me posted!!!

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Customer reply replied 1 year ago
Well yes she deserves it..i have to be honest she is a good person with good heart..i never tought about it twice..yes ill keep you updated..thanks kindly

My pleasure. Keep me posted!

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Customer reply replied 1 year ago
Hi there..good morning..i went to her job to drop off the gifts i got her and the cards..one for birthday..one for xmas and one to apologize abt my actions..i wrote in it..with some shopping cards and restaurants..they asked if i wanted see her i said no..i dropped off and told the front desk my name....so i just wanted you to know..

Ohmigoodness, wow! So have you heard from her? I'm dying to know her reaction. Please continue to keep me posted!

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Customer reply replied 1 year ago
Well she called me over an hour ago just once i did not pick the call because i was working..i just got home now...so i am not sure what she wants to say or do..what do you feel?am nervours for her reaction etc..
Customer reply replied 1 year ago
Do i call her back or i should not or let her call back etc..what do you feel?whats on her mind etc

Please call her back, sweet soul. I imagine you won't be able to sleep or eat until you speak with her. Please call and let me know. I'm crossing my fingers!

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Customer reply replied 1 year ago
She left voicemail..saying she was shocked at all i did..coming to her job and loved the flowers and the choice of words on the cards and the one i wrote myself too..she said she has forgiven me now and dont want to live regretting and all and that if i wana talk i can call her to tell her what i expect going forward but i dont know what that means...she said she aporeciate6the gifts and asked of my fam and wished me a merry xmas and said she knows am at work and all...so what do i do..what you feel?

Ohmigoodness, this is so incredibly positive!!!!! Very very encouraging......please call!

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Customer reply replied 1 year ago
Well i called her now and she responded we said hi and all..hows work and all and said she appreciated all i did..she then said what do i expect after this..she said she just still feels its better for me to move on..she said she cant move on and all cus i still keep calling her and everytime we talk i always wana get back with her and that when we broke up she felt i did not want her to break up with me and all..she said i am not just right for her and she does not know..that the time we broke up and came back together she was miserable but could not tell me and dont want lead me on..she said. She forgive me but i should move on and thats why she blocked me..so i told her i accept what she wants and its fine
Customer reply replied 1 year ago
She said the girl i hung out with..the girl lived with her before and the girl text her and all about me and said we had dates and all..but she let it go and all..she asked me she forgave me and that i should move on as she is trying to move on as well..sais she feels she is been forces by me to continue the relationship and all..and dont wana resent me....so what do you feel i should do..so she now unblocked me now...she said she dont feel been forced so i told her its okay...so i text her i accept her decision as she said we not righy for each other and its fine....said she feels she is been forced and all...said she wants to move on and i asked her why are we ot right for marriage she said she just feels so..i said cant we talk about it and all..what do you feel is going on?

Ohhhh dear, I think she is being very clear with you about what she wants. Sadly she does not think the two of you are right for each other and needs to move forward but is having difficulty doing that when you continue to reach out. Please honor her request and move forward and give her some space. I am sorry as I'm sure you are really sad. This wasn't what I was expecting to happen and I feel badly for you. I am so sorry.

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Customer reply replied 1 year ago
Oh okay..do you think there is any possibility her mind may change later on or so?can i ask why you think she is having a hard time moving forward?she still loves me?she said she dont like it the way i feel been hurt that she dont want give us another try. As she said of she says lets come back now and in another 3months we break up she dont want that and all..so i asked if she is seeing someone or dating she said no..she is just working on herself and busy and there is nobody..so what you feel..just leave her alone completely and never contact her again . ..and have another gf. What do you feel?
Customer reply replied 1 year ago
She said she knows am a good person and all and has nothing against me..just her mind telling her am not right for her and cant explain or tell me or give me a reason and said she sees i have not moved on and said she wants me to move on. ..any hope her mind may change later as she said she is not happy she turning me down and was crying on phone as well while saying that too.. why do you think she cried saying that?
Customer reply replied 1 year ago
if she says she forgives me and all and if that was true she said she sees it as past and it is what it is and all..ehen you forgive someone yoy should take em back to show you let it go and all..complete forg iveness for that but she said we broke up before she heard the news so it still dont matter and not holding that against me because thats not the reason we initially broke up and all..so its possible to forgive and not want to come back to the relationship?

It is, sweet soul. It sounds like there were other issues contributing to the breakdown of the relationship for her. I'm unsure of what these were but it sounds like she is wanting to move forward and this needs to be honored. Perhaps, in the future, the two of you will find your way back to each other but for now it sounds like she wants to be on her own. I am so sorry. : (

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Customer reply replied 1 year ago
Well i see..and i want to thank you very much for your concern and all..i appreciate that..i just have to move on and see what happens in the future tho..if that makes her happy and wants be alone then so be it..i text her i accept all she said and not forcing her and its okay by me...at least she forgave me and unblocked my number and all...so we see how it goes in future
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Disclaimer: Information in questions, answers, and other posts on this site ("Posts") comes from individual users, not JustAnswer; JustAnswer is not responsible for Posts. Posts are for general information, are not intended to substitute for informed professional advice (medical, legal, veterinary, financial, etc.), or to establish a professional-client relationship. The site and services are provided "as is" with no warranty or representations by JustAnswer regarding the qualifications of Experts. To see what credentials have been verified by a third-party service, please click on the "Verified" symbol in some Experts' profiles. JustAnswer is not intended or designed for EMERGENCY questions which should be directed immediately by telephone or in-person to qualified professionals.

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