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John-Michaels, Counselor (LPC)
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 615
Experience:  25+ years helping resolve relational issues.
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I need serious help and I have no one to go to. I'm engaged

Customer Question

I need serious help and I have no one to go to. I'm engaged to a really great guy. He drives me crazy sometimes, but I love him. The problem is, we aren't sexually compatible. I'm more experienced than he is, and also like sex a certain way. To make matters worse, he has low testosterone, so his sex drive is almost non-existent. I've had so many bad experiences with him in the two years we've been together and I'm to the point where he no longer turns me on. I don't know if I've lost my attraction to him, and if i have, will I be able to get it back? I just feel so bored with him sexually. Even when he's in the mood, we usually don't have sex, but he'll use his fingers, which I love. But there's no longer any fire between us. No spark. It might be because we've been living together for a year, so the mystery is gone and I'm really comfortable with him. We go to see an endocrinologist in December to hopefully fix the low T, but what if it's too late? Please help me. I feel so lost right now.
Submitted: 8 months ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  John-Michaels replied 8 months ago.

Hello. I'm sorry to hear this. Honestly, sex isn't everything, but it is nonetheless very important. Physical attraction is our initial attraction. it is not what keeps us together though. Just think about it. At most, your might have sex once a day and that is very unlikely after you have been together a while, A relationship is built on so much more: trust, communication, common interests, etc. A lack of sexual drive can indicate a deficiency in one of these areas though. You are correct in seeing a doctor. Your patience is commendable and to me is an indication that maybe this relationship is worth the extra effort. I hope I have been an encouragement to you. Basically I feel like you are correct in giving it a shot. Let me know if there is anything else I can do to help.

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