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I have fallen in love with a very good friend of mine. I…

I have fallen in...

I have fallen in love with a very good friend of mine. I know that he doesn't want a romantic relationship with me but that he loves me as a friend. If I tell him my true feelings I'm afraid it will have a negative impact on our relationship.

Expert's Assistant: The psychologist will know what to do. Is there anything else important you think the psychologist should know?

He and I have a very satisfying sexual relationship. We are both gay men.

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Answered in 3 hours by:
11/19/2016
TherapistJen
TherapistJen, LCSW, CPC
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 3,943
Experience: Licensed Clinical Social Worker
Verified

So you have a sexual relationship with him but he doesn't want more than that?

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Customer reply replied 1 year ago
at least it seems that way right now
Customer reply replied 1 year ago
we've been friends for almost a year

and he has told you that he doesn't want more? If that is the case, then letting him know that you want more, could alter how things are now. I am all for expressing your feelings, but if you know that he is not desirous of more than what you have now, then I would worry it could change things for you. I see you are requesting a call...I am unable to provide a call but am happy to continue with you here if that works.

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Customer reply replied 1 year ago
Ok

I also imagine it is painful to have this wonderful sexual connection yet not be able to be together fully. It comes down to whether you desire to "risk" it by putting your feeling out there for him.

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Customer reply replied 1 year ago
I don't
Customer reply replied 1 year ago
We do a lot of other things together to refit on several trips and vacations he's really really good friend
Customer reply replied 1 year ago
I've seen him through a couple of hospitalizations and he has seen me through the same thing. So we've been through a lot together

Then are you okay to just keeping things as they are or it would be too painful for you? You are in a hard spot. I think the friendship is what will most likely remain between the two of you as long as you can accept that.

TherapistJen
TherapistJen, LCSW, CPC
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 3,943
Experience: Licensed Clinical Social Worker
Verified
TherapistJen and 87 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
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Customer reply replied 1 year ago
My mistake in the past has been moving too fast in relationships so maybe this is my chance to really take a good look at things before I make another mistake
Tarra Bates-Duford
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 62
Verified
Phone call session started

I like that plan and your ability to have that insight. Enjoy the time together and let things unfold as they are meant to unfold.

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Customer reply replied 1 year ago
Hi Jen. Dr Bates- Dford just called me. I told her that I had already started a conversation with you so she said to let you know to negate the charges for her phone call and continue my discussion with you can you do that for me?

I will contact customer service about that and let them know so they can take care of that as I don't have access to any of that. Thanks for sticking with me.

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Customer reply replied 1 year ago
Sure so far I think we're getting somewhere

Excellent. I think that what you said above was excellent. I would continue to enjoy your time together and it is quite possible his feelings for you become in line with yours and let's not prevent that from happening by pushing it before it is time.

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Customer reply replied 1 year ago
Ok thank you for so much for your help I was beginning to think that way myself

It is my pleasure. Come back to me anytime you feel worried. Just ask for therapist Jen in any new question and it will come to me. I will write to customer service now to let them know not to charge you for phone call.

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Customer reply replied 1 year ago
Okay Jen thank you . how much will they charge my credit card for our conversation

Whatever the deposit was that you put down.

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Customer reply replied 1 year ago
Okay thanks again Dr. Jen

Wishing you the best with him..and when you feel like you are freaking out, just hear me reminding you to enjoy the moment and let things play out.

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I am writing to customer service now regarding your phone call charge. Be well and come to me anytime you need.

Jen

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Customer reply replied 1 year ago
Customer service just notified me that there will be no charge for the phone call from Dr Dford. Thanks again for your help, Jen. Youre very good at what you do and I will recommend you to anyone who needs a service like yours. And I will definitely come back to you if I need help in the future.
Thanks again,
Joe
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