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I have a question on how should I respond

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Hello I have a question on how should I respond
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Answered in 2 hours by:
11/19/2016
CounselorJules
CounselorJules, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 828
Experience: Licensed Professional Counselor
Verified
I can assist. I'm sorry for the delay. I haven't been online any today. I can also be available tomorrow also if you don't mind the wait. :)
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Oh awesome! I am just seeing the post from yesterday. We have family in for the weekend and I was working around my house! Somehow it looks like my house has imploded! LOL

I definitely think that if he wants to see you, you should meet in person! It would probably be good for both of you. You can also catch up on any details of the personal life and it will be the first meeting since you guys had some of the "awkward" conversations before..... Im actually very excited for you.

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Customer reply replied 1 year ago
I wNt to tell him dont worry about it and go on a date 2 hoursawsy

Oh wow, that is frustrating. It almost seems pointless that he would have even started the conversation. It makes me think that he has mixed emotions..... Im sorry. I think that I would probably not respond or I would suggest doing just as you said and send a text that says, "Have a good time. Hope you get to see the people that you want to." Leave it at that and then don't respond..... I think he will get the point.

Do you have a date 2 hours away?

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Customer reply replied 1 year ago
I was going to cancel

You should definitely go on your date!! It would be a great distraction and who knows, it could be a wonderful experience. Be open-minded! The universe may have something, or someone, special lined up for you!

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Customer reply replied 1 year ago
I am so upset. Im going to tell him dint worry about it and go to harrisburg.

I think that you should..... Because I think it was a strange text to send, only to follow up with basically, a "maybe I will see you."

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Customer reply replied 1 year ago
I am so annoyed with him He didnt have to tell me He has been the one reaching out to me. Ill send him a text letting him know Not to worry. See the people he needs to. If I dont see him while he is here I am removing him from my phone and facebook. If I am boy considered important than Good bye
Customer reply replied 1 year ago
If I am not important enough to see then Good bye
Customer reply replied 1 year ago
I didnt send it yet let me know I am making crucial decisions today

Honestly, I would send something like this (keep the first part about your phone) but then say, "I actually may have some plans today in a couple of hours out of town, so it looks like I may be busy too. I understand feeling that you have a lot of people to see. Enjoy your visits and if it fits into your schedule maybe I will see you around." Just make sure that you don't apologize or act like you would be an inconvenience-- you are definitely not guilty of anything warranting an apology, plus you wouldn't mean that, he should apologize, and then you are definitely not an inconvenience, but deserve to be a priority..... Then, I would go on the date. Another thing you could do, is not respond, but go on the date, and then if he texts, you're busy and he missed out?

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Customer reply replied 1 year ago
I sent the msg and ty for answering me I know ur weekend is busy. I just hatetgat I have tried to cut us off and he continues to return. Im going to Harrisburg tonight I just know I will feel sad if he wants to see me and I am so far away.
Customer reply replied 1 year ago
I didnt say anything about me not being available. I just wont be available.

I think that is a good plan. I know you are sad, but you have to remember that he removes himself from an opportunity, and he has to miss you... and you have to reinforce that sometimes.

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Customer reply replied 1 year ago
I am hurting so much. He hasnt even let me know he has arrived

I am sorry. I think I would go silent again and I hope that you went on your date!

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Customer reply replied 1 year ago
Its ok I did go on the date He was so nice. I wasn't attracted. However this if Phong doesnt make time for me I am blocking his number it will go to voicemail and Ill just keep him on fb. I may even send a letter before I do this. I have been preoccupied I cook for Thanksgiving. Ty again ur still awesome��
Customer reply replied 1 year ago
btw I did something stupid because I was in a moment. I asked him if he landed he said yes ty and I said yw and deleted his number. I will never call him again. I am so upset with myself for being played from him for so long. This time I wont call him and if he wants me to visit I might to voice myself other than that after Thanksgiving I am blocking him. I am just stuck in limbo. I am angry with my husband because he deceived me and it just keeps happening. I feel like love is impossible for me and I wasn't looking for it I fell in love as I can see now. Im just at the end of school and marriage. I was living in a fantasy. I know I can think of the future but my heart feels so empty. I am an emotional mess.
Customer reply replied 1 year ago
Please tell me what and how to pick myself up.
We you are definitely not giving yourself enough credit right now. You are deep and emotional and a beautiful person inside and out. I know that you are looking for love-- but spiritually, you ARE love. God resides in you and you are far more worthy than the feedback you've received. Don't fall into the co-dependent traps of thinking that your happiness is based on others' feelings or that your feelings are less important than anyone else's. when I get to the clinic this morning I am going to review some
Books and send you some.
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Customer reply replied 1 year ago
Ty for ur compliment and advice. I battled with myself all weekend because I thought him coming here and telling me was a positive thing. We are not the same and I have to accept it. I look forward to the books ur sending. Im sorry I used to be a strong determined woman I need to get back there. I read the secret and I tried to apply it. Thank you again for being there for me in my dark hours.

I am finally online again! I am so very sorry. I can understand being so hurt. Please remember that you are still that strong determined woman! I think that it is sort of like the Wizard of Oz when Dorothy thinks that the ruby red slippers are the ticket to getting her home, but really the power was within her the entire time. She just had to believe it was still there. Another one of my favorite quotes from that movie is "If you can't find what you're looking for in your own backyard, maybe you never really lost it at all." That makes me think of how maybe when we are looking everywhere else for our happiness, we have to believe that we are happy and we have to make ourselves happy. We have to focus on who we are as women, who you are as a beautiful creation of love. You are a mother, that little boy's first love, and he needs to see you strong. Im going to send you some PDF files. One is "The Secret." I may have sent it before, another is the book by Stuart Wilde called "Silent Power." It is about not giving attention to something that does not want to receive or appreciation the attention that we offer.

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Customer reply replied 1 year ago
Thank you I did read The Secret. I will read the other I am just so hurt but he will receive a
Customer reply replied 1 year ago
I will respond to him and let him know that I have been hurt by him by nit making time for me and I am sad that this is what we have come to.

I think that is a good idea. The other book that I am trying to send you is called, "Love Will Find You: 9 Magnets to Bring You and Your Soulmate Together" by Kathryne Alice. I have it here, but I was looking to see if I can get you the PDF.

Another, just because I really like it is called "The Wizard of Oz, and other Narcissists." by Eleanor D. Payson, M.S. W. I think it is a good read because it helps you recognize if you fall into co-dependent traps, but also helps you to heal from unhealthy one sided relationships....

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Customer reply replied 1 year ago
Ty I have started reading a lot.
Customer reply replied 1 year ago
I have just had so many pitfalls in life. I keep getting back up but it gets tiring.

But the important thing is that you continue to get back up.... You don't ever accept defeat. Every conflict is opportunity. Every perceived failure, is a chance to try something new. Take a break to rest, but don't ever refuse to get back up....

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I definitely dont think you are hopeless! I just think that you are hurting and grieving right now! Did you send the message? If so, what was his response?

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Customer reply replied 1 year ago
Ty Jules no I didn't send I am going to leave him alone and not respond to his messages until Im strong enough. Im going to try and focus on my needs. One day I may talk with him or maybe not. I want to move so badly but my son doesnt and I cant take the cold weather

I am proud of your self control in not sending a message to him. I think that makes more of a statement, honestly....

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Customer reply replied 1 year ago
It is my statement he doesn't deserve to hear from me and he doesn't deserve any responses either. However in thinking about my life I don't want to live here anymore I want to move where it is warm near my Dad and family that does things together. My
mom and son dont want to move am I abandoning them

You are not abandoning them. You need to be happy too. Why doesnt your son want to move?

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Customer reply replied 1 year ago
He has a lot here. All my life I have lived for everyone else and I may come back. I just need a change for my mental state but I dont want my son to hate me.

Maybe you can talk to him about moving briefly and establish a visitation schedule. He will be with his father, correct? So that would be a healthy relationship and role model. You may need to think about a "break" or "respite" period for a brief time.

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Customer reply replied 1 year ago
I am thinking that. I am going to talk to his father. He was going to move once I started working but I am going to ask him to stay and when I graduate Im going to move and get a job down there with family I will come bqck for my son in the summer but my mother will have a fit

Well, you are not responsible for your mom's feelings. You have to remember that. She should hopefully want to see you find success and happiness....

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Customer reply replied 1 year ago
She has lived with me all of my life. She works and I am her only child but I need to explain to her that I need a new atmosphere and I want to start over where it is cheaper I have lots of support. I want her to move with me but she doesnt want to go. I am going to speak with my husband and tell him I am leaving for my sanity once done school. He can stay with my son and my mother. He loves her and he said she doesnt need to leave. I hope they understand I need to find my way and be on my own of which I have never been

Thank you for the messages. I was busy with kiddos and I havent been very helpful for anyone online lately! Gosh. Im sorry. I think that you definitely have to create the life that you prefer. It cannot be lived for everyone else. You have to focus on your goals.

I think in your response to him, I would just say, "Thanks for the message. I had a great holiday. I understand being busy and it being hectic. Sounds like you have a lot going on. I have been thinking of making some big changes in my life too, so that keeps me pretty busy as well." Something like that. So he doesnt think that you just sit around waiting on him.

Have you thought about going out with the other guy anytime again?

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Customer reply replied 1 year ago
I actually haven't responded because I feel upset about it and Im tired. I keep thinking if J have nothing Good to say say nothing at all. So maybe Ill text him next week. What do u think about that. Btw I do understand ur business

I think the longer that you wait, the better :)

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Customer reply replied 1 year ago
awesome ty Jules I will wait for him to call and then we can talk and if he doesn't well than. Im going shopping. I so ty so much for being available for me and I hope u know I will still need u theo
Customer reply replied 1 year ago
through this transition

I think retail therapy is always a good choice!! I hope that you find some great deals! I will be available to you anytime! I am glad to have had the chance to have spoken to you. I am proud of your "will power" and strength. You have a lot to offer!

CounselorJules
CounselorJules, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 828
Experience: Licensed Professional Counselor
Verified
CounselorJules and 87 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
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Customer reply replied 1 year ago
Hello Jules I am struggling. Im working for a friend that is a horrible boss micro manages and is rude to the staff. Im only doing it for christmas. I havent heard from Phong our mutual friend said he wanted to know what she was doing Wed before Thanksgiving. which hurt me even more. I just don't know why he told me that he was here. Im so confused and I hate going home seeing my ex who doesnt talk to me
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