I'm curious as to how you feel about what was sent. I would like your feedback in order to fully assist you or at least provide you with a satisfactory answer.
I also want to disclose to you that I do understand the struggle with determining whether or not to end a relationship. I am divorced, but after only 10 years of marriage. It was something that was a hard decision and I continue to grieve aspects of it. Not as much for myself, but for my children. It is a cordial relationship, but I would by lying, or looking through rose-colored glasses, if I said that it was easy. However, prior to making the decision, we did attend couples counseling, church/ spiritual guidance, and we attempted to work on some self-help materials. I felt that we had made real efforts. There was an addiction in place, but not quite the same as your situation, but one that was personal and it did affect the health of the marriage and our intimacy. I do think that it can get better for you, but I also understand the feeling that maybe your purpose when you came together as a couple has been fulfilled.
I once read an article and it talks about bad reasons to stay married..... Im going to send you the link.
This is also an excerpt from the final paragraph. I really thought it was powerful.
Misguided Reason #3 to Stay in a Bad Marriage: You Promised!
Those of you with kids will have heard this (“but you promised…”) said many times. Kids are brilliant and they know that calling you on your word is important and can evoke enough guilt for you to give in to their desires.
Exchanging vows of being together forever is a very powerful exercise. It is a wonderful ideal and it is wonderful that most people do take this commitment seriously. But let’s examine reality again. Seasons change. Tides change. Relationships change. People change. Life situations change. Everything changes. That is life. That is what is supposed to happen.
I remember looking back at my high school yearbook and my friends saying, “never change!” I had to laugh because, although I knew the sentiment behind this comment (you’re a great person and please stay a great person), not changing isn’t really something to aspire to!
Neale Donald Walsch writes about this in his book, Conversations With God: An Uncommon Dialogue. Walsch is talking to God about the whole concept of marriage as we know it. God tells Walsch that the intention of joining two people together was never about binding them, rather, quite the contrary. It was about letting the other person be true to themselves while being true to yourself. Joining with, not attaching to, another soul. He adds that, “until you can predict your future, you cannot promise anything truthfully.” According to Walsch, God does not endorse promising yourself forever to another person as this may not be in both people’s best interest.
While the contents of this book may be controversial due to the fact that this is simply Walsch’s interpretation of what God said, anyone who is aware of what it is to be a conscious, mature, self-actualized adult would agree that healthy relationships are not about controlling or imprisoning others, rather quite the opposite. The trick in any relationship is to change and grow on your path while allowing your partner to change and grow on his or her path. Clearly, judging by the current divorce rates, this is getting harder to do in our complex world."
So, with that last excerpt, I do have to ask you to consider if you think that you and your wife are helping or hurting one another. Can you guys work together to strengthen the bond, are you willing to break down any barriers, or do you feel that the purpose of your marriage has been completed? That is all very personal, but I do hope that this has been somewhat helpful for you.
I will be in sessions throughout the day, but I will be checking my email periodically. I look forward to hearing back from you :)
Thank you, Jules