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Ask TherapistMaryAnn Your Own Question
TherapistMaryAnn, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1693
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
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My boyfriend who ive known 4 years only been dating 3 months

Customer Question

Hi my boyfriend who ive known 4 years only been dating 3 months and another girl keeps coming back into his life and she says they are just friends and so does he but I keep giving him chances what should I do
JA: The psychologist will know what to do. Is there anything else important you think the psychologist should know?
Customer: we have a long distance relationship only 45 but we only talk on the phone and we see eachother on the weekends
Submitted: 8 months ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Therapist Leslie replied 8 months ago.

Good evening and thank you so much for your message. I realize it's difficult to reach out. Please know I honor your courage.

My name is ***** ***** I am a psychotherapist in the Metro Boston area.

Oh dear, I can see why you are concerned. I'm a bit confused about something, if they are just friends why does she keep going away and then reappearing in his life? Also, how old are both of you? Have you spoken to him about how this hurts you? What did he say? Do you have any proof that something may be going on between them (more than a friendship)? Do you not want him to have female friends in general or is there something specific about this particular friendship that feels troubling?

My apologies for all the questions. I want to ensure I fully understand your situation.

I look forward to hearing from you.

Warm regards,

Therapist Leslie

Customer: replied 8 months ago.
Were both 17 I've seen things on social media I tell him this hurts me I don't care about having female friends it's just her
Expert:  Therapist Leslie replied 8 months ago.

Completely understood. I do find one of the most difficult parts of this is the way he isn't honoring your feelings. He knows how hurtful this is (and sadly since it's on social media, it's also very public) and I imagine you have asked he discontinue his relationship yet he continues in the behavior.

I would give it one last effort in saying something like this...

"I love the time we spend together and look forward to the weekends when we can. Sometimes the weeks before are really difficult as I miss you tremendous. Sadly, though, what makes it worse is seeing (insert girl's name) comments on social media. She seems to play a large part in your life and it's very hurtful for me. As you know I don't mind you having female friends but the relationship you have with her feels different and I fear it will tear us apart. I want to request, one last time, you discontinue your relationship with her as it is incredibly hurtful to me."

Does this feel comfortable?