Good morning, John, and thank you so much for your message. I realize it's difficult to reach out. Please know I honor your courage.
My name is ***** ***** I am a psychotherapist in the Metro Boston area.
Oh dear, sweet soul, this is such a difficult situation. I imagine when you started dating your girlfriend, things were good because you are obviously so different from the man she was previously with. As time went on, her feelings grew and the fear of loosing you has taken over. She is terrified of loosing you in the way she lost her ex. Sadly she has used excessive control to try to quench her fears but my concern is that you can make yourself absolutely crazy trying to ease any potential fears she has. She struggles with abandonment and as a result this has been projected on you. I can guess that there is nothing you can do to provide her the security of your commitment--no matter how hard you try (or have already tried!) Sadly she is deeply wounded. She must own what is hers and get the help she needs.
I know the two of you have a long history and I imagine you love her deeply but of course, fear loosing your sanity and every ounce of freedom staying with her. Do you think she would consider doing couples counseling with you? I believe this is your only saving grace. A counselor will give her coping techniques in managing her abandonment and anxiety of loosing you.
If she is uninterested in doing counseling, I fear you must walk away. I am very sorry to say this but I truly fear your own mental health as a result of her behavior. Please take care of yourself first and foremost.
Have I answered your question? Is there anything else I can do to assist you further? I want to ensure you are pleased with my service. I also gently request you provide a star rating for me. Of course, we can continue to talk after the rating is provided.
Please take good care of yourself and feel free to contact me with any questions you may have.