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Ask Rev.Dr. August Abbott Your Own Question
Rev.Dr. August Abbott
Rev.Dr. August Abbott, Clergy
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 7621
Experience:  Ordained minister: Counselor (spiritual/life)
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I have been seen this girl for the past 4 months that I

Customer Question

i have been seen this girl for the past 4 months that I think I have fallen for her. I'm a soldier 25 years of age and the girl I was seen is 30 years old(met at my brothers wedding).
Yesterday we had a talk and she suggested that we would stop seen each other for the reason been I'm going away on a 6 month tour in 3weeks to the middle east and she said that there's a high chance she will be leaving the country to go to London to pursue her career goals because it hasnt taken off for her here, when I come back from tour. She said it pointless to keep it going and wouldnt be nice for me if we did and she said when I came back "oh hi there, but see ya I'm off to london" It came as a shock because we have had such a great time together these last few months in every department, ie we had a brilliant sex life together. I thought we could have made it work . She says she cares about me but if she cared enough she wouldn't let me go. I know she has to put her career first.
Also worth mentioning is that the age gap concerns her because her sisters has past comment referring me as her toy boy and that obviously bothers her. Im taking it bad and need some advice on what is the right thing to do because I obviously want her back
Submitted: 10 months ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Rev.Dr. August Abbott replied 10 months ago.

I understand the pain you're feeling in discovering that this young woman is being what you perceive as perhaps cold and clinical in evaluating your relationship together. She's certainly trying to walk the line of believing that long distance relationships don't usually work. Some do, but the majority do not, especially when the distance is so vast and opportunities for getting together so few and far between.

Just like what you've heard from her, I know this isn't what you want to hear and I'm sorry. I would like to give better news to a serviceman

The issue of age is sort of a non-factor. 5 years difference is not significant enough to warrant a comment by anyone and I suspect this sister is just teasing her. If you were only 1 year older than she is I would wager the sister would make the same silly comment.

Ask your young lady if she'd at least stay in touch via mail, email, phone calls, etc.. You can still grow your relationship this way and stay in the forefront of her thoughts making it more feasible that when you both do have time to meet somewhere in this great big world that you'll know each other even better.

Don't force it - tell her you will respect her decision despite how much it hurts and that you hope staying in touch is something she'll compromise in doing.

Then just let it play out. If you stay in touch enough and let her pour her heart out in communicating with you - it will create a bond perhaps even strong than if you were physically together.

It's worth the effort and you have nothing to lose. It's really the only option.

And by the way, thank you for your service and God bless you on your tour

Expert:  Rev.Dr. August Abbott replied 10 months ago.


Expert:  Rev.Dr. August Abbott replied 10 months ago.


Customer: replied 10 months ago.
Thank you for your response.
I was probably hoping for a "get her back strategy" but maybe that's all in my head.
I will follow your advice and ask her if she is willing to stay in touch and hopefully stay in her life in some form. Like you said it's really my only option.
It's actually quite funny when I think about it - I can handle been in pain physically, been put into stress positions and people trying to break me physically and mentally,even been shot at, it doesn't bother me but knowing that I have lost my best friend, I feel that is the greatest pain and hits me at the core.
Right now I'm in a dark place and I know I have a battle ahead of me. Guess I have to pick myself up and dust myself off and move forward.
Again thank you for your kind sincere message.
Expert:  Rev.Dr. August Abbott replied 10 months ago.

I'm so very sorry for this delay, but the site is having problems and I couldn't get in to this question until just now

Here's what I'm asking you to do: Follow thru with the staying in touch as part of your 'long game'. If the relationship isn't mean to be right now, then by staying open to talking and sharing, however long it takes before you can meet up in person again, lays the foundation for a relationship that was never really 'off', just sort of physically put on hold for a while.

Basically, you won't have to get her back, you'll never have really lost her. It's just changing it enough that she's happy and you've got the door open for reuniting in the future which would make you happy

I'm saying to not give up. Just be flexible