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I am sorry to hear about all of this pain and suffering you are going through. Clearly your Son is concerned and reached out because of that. Your husband ignoring your pain all these years and now being included by your son with his concern is further alienating. But let's take a step away from that for a moment and only focus on you as it doesn't seem like change will be coming with your husband. You said you need to grow and change so lets let that be your focus and not him or what he has or hasn't done. I hear a fight in you...a fight to grow, to be seen and to live life fully even with these challenges. You are in therapy and making strides, so don't get lost in feeling annoyed that he knows something and he does it too and nobody worries about his stuff. You figure out what you want in life moving forward and do what you can to achieve it. You have already begin by being in therapy..so now it may be time with the therapist to address the drinking, the depressive episodes and really work toward healing yourself and finding your balance and happiness.
Well, I hear there is fight and energy in you even if it is hard for you to feel it....you came here and reached out and that speaks volumes and you are in therapy....please know that if you feel suicidal or feel like harming yourself in any way that you get emergency help.
Focus on those grand babies and see their eyes of love accepting you for you...now the real tasks is for YOU to accept yourself for you! I know you can do that.
Let me know how you are doing and if you would please take a moment to click the rating tab to rate my support. Thanks so much.