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TherapistJen, LCSW, CPC
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 3392
Experience:  Licensed Clinical Social Worker
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My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost two years. He

Customer Question

My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost two years. He is 31 and I am 30. Our relationship is good except for one problem. I want marriage and he is unsure. We also do not live together and if we don't marry we will never live together because both of our families are religious and against it. I have had several conversations with him asking if he sees marriage in our future and all he can say is "I don't know. I might want to get married, I might not." He said he has thought about marriage a little because he knows I want it and he doesn't want to drag me along. However, he says when he thinks about it, it feels overwhelming. He said marriage feels so "final." When I ask if he is unsure because he might want to date other women, he says no that's not it. He makes it sound like the doubts are just about marriage, not about me. In our last conversation, I told him all the reasons marriage is important to me. I told him I don't want to be in the position where I have to choose between him and marriage because both are important to me. I asked him to think more about it and I told him if he did decide against marriage I might have to think about leaving.
I was listening to a podcast on relationships and it said that often men need about three years to decide if they want to marry the woman they're with. The man and the woman both need time to get to know the other person and decide. I agree that it's good to wait two or three years before getting engaged. I don't want to pressure my boyfriend to get married soon and I don't want to throw away a good relationship when maybe he just isn't ready yet. I love him and I believe he loves me and I want to give him a fair chance. However, I'm worried about wasting another year waiting when I might just get the same answer ("I don't know").
Wait or go, that's my question. Please I'd love some thoughts and wisdom!
Submitted: 9 months ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  TherapistJen replied 9 months ago.

Very tough situation for you because there is no guarantee one way or the other. If you leave now, you will never know and if you stay and nothing changes you believe you have wasted a year of your life. While only you can make this choice now, my gut feels like it would be premature to leave now when he is still unsure. That may never change but I think if you leave you will always I would live in the moment, enjoy your connection and love for one another and let it play out as it will. It is not wasted time because all of us only have right now so live that right now.

Expert:  TherapistJen replied 9 months ago.
Let me know your thoughts. I am here if you need but if all good for now please take a moment to click the rating stars and again I am here if you need me.

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