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Therapist Leslie
Therapist Leslie, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 358
Experience:  Owner and Psychotherapist at Self-Employed, Private Practice
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I got friend dumped 3 months ago by a friend I genuinely

Customer Question

I got friend dumped 3 months ago by a friend I genuinely cared about. He said he cared about me more than I knew but never treated me like he cared. When we were together it felt like he had an immense amount of emotion for me. But he pushed me away every time we got close and then kept blaming me for not being comfortably distant like his other friends, then saying our friendship will never be as close as all his close friendships, and then saying he would rather be everyones friends. He ostracised me on social media and eventually in real life too. All of which just confused me further. All I ever did in response was give him my love and attention and affection and when he started treated me badly I would confront him because it made me very sad to be treated badly by him. Nonetheless i still treasured him and made sure to show it despite him treating me badly. After he stopped speaking to me i tried to reconcile but was ignored and so I decided to end the friendship via email like an adult. After all that he still hasnt deleted me from facebook. It seems like i'm the only one in pain and he is having the time of his life, making it such that i have to avoid facebook and twitter as the moment i return there i go many steps backwards in trying to get over him. Why would he not just completely get rid of me if it's so horrible to speak to me and he can't be bothered to interact with me on social media? Does it mean he still wants to keep tabs on my life? Why do that if you never want to communicate with someone again?
Submitted: 11 months ago.
Category: Relationship
Customer: replied 11 months ago.
PS. That is a VERY brief description of events. I can write a more thorough explanation if necessary to counsel me through the actual problem between the two of us. Thanks
Expert:  Therapist Leslie replied 11 months ago.

Good evening and thank you so much for your message. I realize it's difficult to reach out. Please know I honor your courage.

My name is ***** ***** I am a psychotherapist in the Metro Boston area of the United States.

Ohhhhh sweet friend, I am so incredibly sad for you. I too have been in your place and know exactly how devastating it is.

Sadly there is not too much you can do as your ex friend has made it very clear about not reserving a place for you in his life. I am so sorry as this is not what you want to hear. It sounds as if you have done everything right but that he may struggle with some real issues of intimacy. This is a person who you can never be close and worked hard to keep you at an distance. I'm also sad to read he treated you poorly. My heart breaks for you.

You are an incredibly friend with a huge heart and much love to give. Please, sweet soul, share your love with someone who will reciprocate and appreciate it. You are worthy of such.

Please do not take too much stock in the life your former friend presents on social media. Sadly, individuals are frequently dishonest about what they present and who even knows if he truly is happy or not? It might be helpful for you to unfollow him so you are upset and sad every time you are online. At this point, please think of yourself and do what would make you feel most at peace.

Have I answered your question? Is there anything else I can do to assist you further? I want to ensure you are pleased with my service. I also gently request you provide a star rating for me. Of course, we can continue to talk after the rating is provided.

Please take good care of yourself and feel free to contact me with any questions you may have.

Warm regards,

Therapist Leslie

Customer: replied 11 months ago.
Thanks for the words of advice. I already know and am taking steps to get over this friendship but i guess my actual question pertaining to 'why he keeps me around on social media when he ignores me and wants nothing to do with me' wasn't actually answered.
Expert:  Therapist Leslie replied 11 months ago.

Oh dear, my sincere apologies. I would imagine he keeps you around on social media because he wants to have you around should he need something down the line. Or, perhaps if he changes his mind and decides at some point he wants to reconnect. If this is the case, you need to decide whether or not you want to re-engage after he hurt you so significantly.

Please take good care of yourself and allow yourself the time you need to grieve. Again, I am so so sorry.