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Ask TherapistMaryAnn Your Own Question
TherapistMaryAnn, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1694
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
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My ex partner has lied to me about his current relationship.

Customer Question

My ex partner has lied to me about his current relationship. When I asked if he was seeing someone he said not at the moment. When I found out I asked him what he wanted and he told me he is conflicted and does not want the past problems to resurface. He told me he still has feelings for me and is still attracted to me. I feel confused
JA: The Psychologist will know what to do. Is there anything else the Psychologist should be aware of?
Customer: I had a life threatening illness and had extremely low self esteem. I sabotaged the relationship because I was scared. I have dealt with this now. The break up helped me to see things clearly. We have been friends for 28 years and had a six year relationship
Submitted: 10 months ago.
Category: Relationship
Customer: replied 10 months ago.
I have been in love with Colin since I was 18 but I struggled with my illness. I didn't not communicate effectively and was overwhelmed causing many arguments to push him away. When we broke up we had a period of no contact for 4 weeks then out of the blue he sent me an email asking if I wanted to catch up for coffee. We have been seeing each other once a week and each time he is the one initiating pyshical contact. On Monday we were supposed to meet at 12.30 and he sent me a txt asking to push back because he had to take his dog to the vet. I knew something was wrong so I called the Vet and they were closed on that day. I don't understand why he keeps lying and if it were over why wouldn't he just tell me??
Customer: replied 10 months ago.
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Customer: replied 10 months ago.
We were intimate on Monday. We did everything but sleep together. I sent him an email asking what he wanted he rang me and told me he is conflicted and does not want the past to repeat itself. He says he needs some time to think.
Expert:  Therapist Leslie replied 10 months ago.

Good morning and thank you so much for your message. I realize it's difficult to reach out. Please know I honor your courage.

My name is ***** ***** I am a psychotherapist in the Metro Boston area of the United States.

Oh sweet soul, I understand why you are conflicted and sad...the two of you have so much history and no doubt, there is much love between the two of you. It sounds like Colin is fearful of going all in at this point as he fears things quickly returning to how they once where. He may need more time to see that the positive changes you have made will truly stick for the long-term.

I'm unsure as to why he is lying but imagine this is all wrapped up in his fear of things moving back to the place they once were. I'm sad that he can't just verbalize this to you. Do you think he is possibly seeing another person as well?

I imagine his lying is also devastating and probably makes you question what the future will hold as well. Have you confronted him about his lying? If so, did he own up to it?

Sorry for all of the questions. I want to ensure I fully understand everything going on so I can provide a thorough answer.

Looking forward to hearing from you.

Warm regards,

Therapist Leslie