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TherapistJen
TherapistJen, LCSW, CPC
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 3500
Experience:  Licensed Clinical Social Worker
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What are the rule for buddies? how should it last? what are

Customer Question

what are the rule for f**k buddies? how long should it last? what are the do's and dont's?
Submitted: 12 months ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  TherapistJen replied 12 months ago.

It's a great question but one that doesn't come with a standard answer. The best way to look at it is to decide what works for both of you and set some "ground rules" around it all and express what you both desire from it. If things start to feel more than either of you desire make a plan to be upfront with your feelings so that you don't just ghost the other, but leave the arrangement based on mutuality and trust in each other and what you have shared.

Customer: replied 12 months ago.
What should i do then?
Expert:  TherapistJen replied 12 months ago.

Have a talk, set the ground rules based on what you both want and stick to them and if it isn't working talk about it.

Customer: replied 12 months ago.
What if i want to us to have more than the arrangement? Should i continue seeing him or do i need to just walk away and get over it
Expert:  TherapistJen replied 12 months ago.

Ahhh, then you let him know how you are feeling and see if he desires the same and if he doesn't be prepared for it to possibly end.

Customer: replied 12 months ago.
I think he don't feel the same way. After doing "it" with him for two times now, i wasn't able to hear anything from him.
Customer: replied 12 months ago.
What should i do?
Expert:  TherapistJen replied 12 months ago.

Then to me it sounds like he is not interested in the way you are so if that feels the same for you then it may be time to move on and move forward.

Expert:  TherapistJen replied 12 months ago.

How else can I support you?

Expert:  TherapistJen replied 12 months ago.

If all good, then please take a moment to click the rating stars to rate my support so that I may be credited for my time as I don't receive credit without the rating. thanks so much in advance.

Customer: replied 12 months ago.
He is actually giving me "mixed signals". Sometimes he's sweet, he even gave me a kiss on the forehead but after that he did not texted me anymore.He's not replying to my texts.
Customer: replied 12 months ago.
He told me not to overthink cos i asked him if he's mad. It kinda frustrate me.
Expert:  TherapistJen replied 12 months ago.

He does not sound interested in anything more than the current arrangement so it may be time to move on.

Customer: replied 11 months ago.
I see. But,we did again yesterday and he told me he loves me.
Customer: replied 11 months ago.
For most men like him, say, he is an Alpha Male, what should i do to make him fall inlove with me?
Customer: replied 11 months ago.
What are the traits and attitudes that i should have so that i can make him fall in love with me?
Expert:  TherapistJen replied 11 months ago.

You can't make someone fall in love with you but you can be your loving and wonderful self and if the deeper conenction is meant to exist then it will.

Expert:  TherapistJen replied 11 months ago.

And because of your current arrangement it is not likely that it will change into a deep and love relationship. It has worked well for both of you the way it is and now your feelings have grown deeper for him, but I am not sure his are that way. He has had it easy you being available to him when he needs so it is not usually the case that it would change for him.

Customer: replied 11 months ago.
if i'm getting this right, i should act like someone who's hard to get.
Expert:  TherapistJen replied 11 months ago.

No, I am not into games. What I am saying is that things have been easy for both of you and your arrangement has worked and now you have deeper feelings, but I do not believe his will change into what you desire.

Customer: replied 11 months ago.
I see. So what do you suggest? What should i do?
Expert:  TherapistJen replied 11 months ago.

It is hard because you want more and I would be surprised if he will give you more, so at some point you will need to ask yourself if this current arrangement is enough for you and if it isn't you may need to move on and heal from it.

Customer: replied 11 months ago.
We had a fight a while ago. I asked him if what are we. He did not response. he dismiss the topic and doesn't want to talk about it.
Customer: replied 11 months ago.
then he told me that he just doesn't want to argue.
Expert:  TherapistJen replied 11 months ago.

and he doesn't. He doesn't want anything more than this arrangement. Time to move forward.

Customer: replied 11 months ago.
I am confused with the arrangement that we have right now, he's not replying to my texts and all.
Expert:  TherapistJen replied 11 months ago.

Most likely because you are desiring more than the arrangement.

This will be my last response as I am preparing for the hurricane and will not be able to respond again at this time.