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I am sorry that she has said all of those things....Is she harboring some anger toward you and using these words as a weapon? I think you know in your heart that you have done a fine job raising the kids...your kids, because that is what they are and I do not share the view that any man could have done what you have. I would go to her and speak with her and ask why she has those feelings and how you can come back together and work on the deeper feelings and reconnect.