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TherapistJen, LCSW, CPC
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 3530
Experience:  Licensed Clinical Social Worker
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My love and I have been together for about 2 years and 5

Customer Question

My love and I have been together for about 2 years and 5 months. We’ve known each other for about 5 1/2 years. I love him so much I can legitimately put myself in a sob over it. He’s everything I want in a man except for ONE MAJOR THING… he’s never around!!
My love works incredibly hard everyday (Not to mention ridiculously smart) and has since the day he turned 16. He had an off-putting upbringing as a Jehovah’s Witness. His family is wonderful and hardworking but there is 0 and I mean 0 emotions involved in this family. Not that they don't speak or don't enjoy each other they’re just “ignore it and it will go away” type people. Everything they speak about is very scratch the surface conversation. I had the EXACT opposite upbringing. I grew up in a loud passion filled Italian catholic home. Where everyone cried, laughed, ate, and fought together. It’s hard for us to understand where one another is coming from on mostly everything emotional.
In his mind it’s okay to not speak to me for two/three days then shoot me one text that he’s coming over for an hour at 8 at night. Then call me on the weekend to come over for a sleepover. I’ve tried to communicate my issues with this arrangement we’ve established time-and-time again! He doesn’t listen. By doesn’t listen I mean he shuts down completely and will disappear until i’m done having emotions. I find myself growing resentment for I feel my options don’t have relevance. Sometimes I think he doesn't even know who I am anymore.
I’m scared my relationship is falling apart. For him, I don’t think he’ll ever leave because he’s content with everything but my discontent (And bitching). Me on the other-hand; I’m REALLY struggling to get passed my wants and needs. I don’t want him to sacrifice his work because he loves it. I love him so deeply and purely as a soul that it would utterly devour my heart to leave. At the same time I know that I need to have my needs satisfied as well. I feel that i’m giving up my hopes and dreams as a hopeless romantic if I stay.
In the end it’s a constant overbearing battle in my mind everyday. It’s distracting and painful. I feel alone and even invisible at times. It’s taken a major tole on us the last 4 months. I can’t let him go because he is the man I love. I can’t stay this way forever either. I ask him, “ Will things always be this way?”. His reply is always, “I don't know. Probably.”. I feel so alone in this relationship at this point. HELP
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  TherapistJen replied 1 year ago.

I hear you loud and clear and can hear your passion and your love!!!! Will it be this way always?...most likely...hard to change how he relates as well as you changing how you relate....that doesn't mean it is easy to walk away or the right thing to walk away...only you can decide that...but your styles are different and seems like those styles will always bump into each other. I hear the loud, fun, emotional person in you...that is what will fit well with you. Sometimes the love is there...deeply, but the long-term fit may not be. Excruciatingly painful, I know. So it comes down to what you want moving forward with a man, family and your life? It is okay to love him but also feel that it will not work for either one of you in the long run.