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Therapist Leslie
Therapist Leslie, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 329
Experience:  Owner and Psychotherapist at Self-Employed, Private Practice
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Dating for 6mths and he suddenly became distant. Responds

Customer Question

Dating for 6mths and he suddenly became distant. Responds briefly to texts but hasn't initiated any. Told me he loved me 3 weeks ago and that im the one. The distance began a week ago. He spent my birthday with me this weekend and now he's back to not talking. I didnt directly ask but all he said was that he's dealing with some things and refuses to say anything further. What is going on?? :(
Submitted: 10 months ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Therapist Leslie replied 10 months ago.

Good afternoon and thank you for your message. I realize it's difficult to reach out for help. Please know I honor your courage.

My name is ***** ***** I am a psychotherapist in the Metro Boston region of the United States.

Ohhhh sweet soul, I am so sorry to hear about your boyfriend becoming so icy cold. This is horribly stressful--especially since he refuses to explain what is going on for him.

This could be a situation that has absolutely nothing to do with you but I imagine you are fearful that it does and are fearful. Do you think by chance, he's completely freaked out that he allowed himself to become so vulnerable to you by saying he loves you that he is now pulling away? Is it typical of him to be so closed like this? If so, is his pattern to eventually come forward with what is going on?

Forgive all of the questions, I want to ensure I fully understand what is going on. Looking forward to hearing back from you.

Warm regards,

Therapist Leslie

Customer: replied 10 months ago.
He's done this in the past where he wants to be alone but have always come back the next day and explained it has nothing to do with me. This is the first time where it's now going on two weeks and he has completely pulled away from me without reason. He's not an affectionate person, the fact that he said he loved me was a shock. He's not one to talk about feelings or personal issues. I have told him that i will be here when he's ready. No response. Im really scared that this is his way of walking out on this relationship but im also trying to stay positive and give him his space in hopes he comes back. I do trust him. Im not sure if I should contact him at really confused..
Expert:  Therapist Leslie replied 10 months ago.

Ohhhhh dear, I am so sad for you as I have personally been in your shoes and know how difficult it is. In many ways it is unfair to you as you are left in limbo--unsure of what is going on and what will happen moving forward. I imagine this would horribly triggering to anyone with abandonment issues and most probably trigger insecurity in all of us. I realize this is probably not his intention but it's pretty cruel what he is doing and makes it very difficult to have a relationship with him.

I would reach out one last time and say something like this....

"Honey, I loved that we celebrated my birthday this past weekend together. It was truly wonderful. I'm really sad and concerned about what is currently happening in our relationship and am unsure of what to do. As I've mentioned, you've pulled away tremendously and I feel really anxious about this. Is there something in our relationship that is troubling you? Or, is this about something else entirely?"

It is incredibly difficult being in a relationship with someone who refuses to share their feelings and shuts you out every time they are preoccupied by something else. Only you can determine whether you can survive this. I do believe how he responds to your statement above will answer everything.

Again, I am so sorry, sweet soul that you are in this place. Please be true to yourself and be open with him....even if he choose not to be . This way...whatever happens moving forward, you know you put yourself out there and did everything you believed would be helpful.

Have I answered your question? Is there anything else I can do to assist you further? I want to ensure you are pleased with my service. I also gently request you provide a star rating for me. Of course, we can continue to talk after the rating is provided.

Please take good care of yourself and feel free to contact me with any questions you may have.

Warm regards,

Therapist Leslie

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