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TherapistJen
TherapistJen, LCSW, CPC
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 3531
Experience:  Licensed Clinical Social Worker
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I'm a 56 yr old female met 50 yr old guy on dating site...

Customer Question

I'm a 56 yr old female met 50 yr old guy on dating site... After a breakup with a female in mid 40's after 18 months. He works roster away 3 wks away 4 weeks off
6 weeks away 2 weeks off
She wouldn't let him sleep in same bed due to snoring he had to wait a day to see her after coming home / the night they broke up she wanted daughter to come over he told her she'd have to sleep in same bed that night
And she went off about snoring and she called it off ... She called it off every time he came home and they argued on his time off
He did all the running... Last Friday night he mentioned it was her birthday last Tuesday and he text her Happy birthday nothing else said ... She replied thankyou
I said "I don't think you are over her... He said I am all I wanted her to do was love me and WE broke up because of something stupid ... He said that's enough
I'm not going to do it anymore"
I said I wouldn't have started seeing him if he wasn't over her
He said "she's past gone finished"
You are it you are it the future"
He makes time in work day m rings for couple mind here and there we talk for at least an hour on Skype n phone every night
He tells me I'm his lady and he's been wanting a lady to be like me
And finally he has me... I'm meeting his 3 close friends when he comes home in 2 weeks. Hrs told his 26 ur old daughter I'm his GF... He had flowers n wine delivered yesterday he said he ordered them Saturday morning
Guilt I think for the ex thing on Friday night -- I was very calm when we talked about the ex gf to make it non confrontational. He's making bookings for concerts for us in October and he wants to take me to Bali when he gets his interest on investments.. Is he still hooked on her ... Now I'm invested emotionally I'm scared
Sunday morning saying bye on phone he had to hurry and said bye bye kids kids love you bye
It was a habit I think thst when you feel warm n fuzzy it slips out... I told him in a laughing way he said did I? He wasn't phased
I told him my theory and he said
Maybe I meant it... I said no
It was a slip that comes from habit ... Please help me
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  TherapistJen replied 1 year ago.

I don't think he would be investing this time and energy into you and building a relationship with you if he still desired the ex. Yes, he texted her Happy Birthday...maybe more from being a good guy and not from any real desire to be with her. I would try not to get too hung up on this and just enjoy your time with him and let things play out as they will...no need to force things or heavy conversations, just enjoy what you are building and it sounds like he is too.